


A Unicorn in Thedas

by Hodgyk



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: BFFs, Cullen Smut, Cullenlingus, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Masturbation, Modern Girl in Thedas, Other, Sex Dreams, Slow Burn, Strong Language, The Last Unicorn Crossover, all the sarcasm, non-canon, non-lore compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-07-12 05:02:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 86,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15988175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hodgyk/pseuds/Hodgyk
Summary: Used to being in control at all times Risk Planner Thea is dragged along to a festival by her best friend, in a suitably eccentric costume ‘Because you work too much, never get out, the tickets were free and also I am using you as a guinea pig’.A strange necklace and portal later she is in Thedas and certainly not in control anymore. What secrets will she need to keep? How will she fit in and survive? Will she be able to answer any of these questions assuming they don't kill her on sight for being a Desire Demon?A Modern Girl in Thedas fic (sorry - not sorry) with sprinklings of The Last Unicorn, if you squint... really hard.





	1. How She Sparkles

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and thanks for stopping by.  
> This is my first fic in at least a decade, I just couldn't stay away from all the MGIT fun.  
> Please note I will be using UK spelling so apologies to the American readers for the extra use of 'U' in colour etc.
> 
> I own nothing

**Thea POV**

 

‘Why did I agree to this again’ I mutter as my friend Lucy continues to pull at the hair on my scalp.

‘Because you work too much, never get out, the tickets were free and also I am using you as a guinea pig’ she replies. Again.

 

I huff in resignation and look at myself in the small vanity mirror, trying and failing to see what my so called friend is doing to my hair that hurts so much.

I can’t begrudge her really, she is working towards being a make-up and costume artist and so takes every opportunity to out-do her peers. Consequently despite my lack of interest in hair, makeup and clothes in general for special events Lucy always makes sure I’m dressed to impress. For Halloween she tends to go all out and I do remember liking her last few creations, especially the Day of the Dead get up from last year.

 

So today’s event is no exception and has been 6 weeks in the making.

Scrolling through my phone I try and pinpoint exactly where in our recent text exchange I agreed to this particular brand of punishment.

 

_Thea_

_Hi, guess what?!_

_Lucy_

_???_

_Thea_

_I have gotten a pair of tickets for you for you know what_

_Lucy_

_EEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEE <3 <3 <3_

_Thea_

_Haha, glad you approve. Who are you going to take?_

_Lucy_

_You duh. You did the work for them_

_Thea_

_You sure, you know I’m not in to all that_

_Lucy_

_What Music? Festivals? Having a social life?_

_Thea_

_What would I wear, that place is like living Instagram feed_

_Lucy_

_Leave that to me :)_

_Thea_

_Only if you promise nothing too crazy, and I don’t want to be baring too much flesh_

_Lucy_

_Shush, you have a gorgeous figure. You should show it off more_

_Thea_

_Thank you but I’m still serious, no bikinis_

_Lucy_

_No bikinis_

_Thea_

_Or Crop tops_

_Lucy_

_Agreed_

_Thea_

_Ok… will you tell me what you are planning then?_

_Lucy_

_Nope_ _:p_

_Thea_

_I hate you_

_Lucy_

_Mwahahahahaha!!!_

 

Clicking my phone screen off I notice that the pulling has stopped and now what I can only describe as the smothering has begun. I can hear various pots and tubs of goodness only knows being opened on the vanity behind me and using a mixture of sponges, brushes and fingers Lucy begins spreading the mysterious, but very nice smelling, things on my hair and face.

 

I rest my head back and just enjoy being pampered and preened for a change. Lucy is right, I do work a lot at my job as a risk planner but then I do love it. Specialising in large scale events, arenas or anywhere with a large foot flow I get to make the most of my natural worrying nature, whilst enjoying the travel and exposure to some truly great venues and sights in the process.

It was my work planning for this event that landed me with a complimentary pair of tickets. I normally don’t ask as many of the events I consult on aren’t to my taste but when I mentioned working for this Festival Lucy begged. And begged. And begged again until I relented and asked one of the organisers.

All my actual work at the site had wrapped up last week as I conducted last minute checks of the safety procedures we had put in place, I was confident we had planned for any and all eventualities that may occur, most usually did in some regard. A bit of overcrowding in one area, the odd drunken fight or overindulging reveller passing out were all common occurrences. But my speciality lay in planning and preparing for the big issues, acts of god, bomb threats and the like that thankfully were very rare and had yet to make an appearance at any event I had consulted on.

 

Lucy cuts in to my contemplation ‘Stop worrying Amalthea’ she enunciates my full name in that teasing tone, knowing I hate it. ‘I can see it on your face. You will get frown lines where I’m putting your make up on’

‘I wasn’t worrying’ I start but Lucy gives me a quick glare over my shoulder ‘Well not about anything important anyways. I’m worrying about what I’ve agreed to. I can see the no bikini rule didn’t apply to you’ saying this I glance sideways to gesture to what my friend is wearing. She is resplendent in glitter of all shades blue and green. Her short blonde hair has been covered by an impressive wig in the same colourings as her body glitter. Her petite and athletic frame only has a blue bikini top covering her torso and fishtail sarong type skirt in green over her legs. The whole ensemble is covered in shells of various sizes, all painted to match the theme with metallic and glitter in complementary shades. To top it off is a beautiful shell crown somehow affixed to the wig, I knew without looking just how many hairpins she must have in to keep the enormous thing strapped in place.

 

‘Well how many mermaids do you see in turtlenecks hmm?’

 

I laugh despite my fake irritation. ‘Turtles are mermaid’s friends though, that would be like you wearing your Schmooples as a hat’ Lucy lets out a mock outraged noise at the implied threat to her precious feline friend but ignores my ramblings and continues working. The smothering has stopped and now the sticking of accessories and false lashes has commenced.

 

‘Besides, you still haven’t given me any hints as to what I’m wearing and I tell you now that if you try and force me into the same thing you are wearing I will revolt and put a hoody on’

‘Such little trust! This is why Schmooples doesn’t like you’

Laughing again I have to agree with her, but then I always was more of a dog person. Schmooples and I had a mutual dislike of each other dating back to the ‘Great Stuck Up A Tree’ fiasco of 2016. Much as the name suggests whilst house sitting for Lucy during one of her residential courses said Cat got lost and I was too embarrassed to shout around the neighbourhood with that ridiculous name. 2 days later one of the neighbours reported her stuck up a tree and after much climbing of ladders and scratches was rescued by yours truly.

 

‘Schmooples doesn’t like me because I tell him to his face he has a ridiculous name’. I had told Lucy not to name her pet after a Dragon Age nug but seeing as she had just come off a 2 play through binge of Inquisition I couldn’t blame her. We both still loved gaming, not growing out of it when the rest of our friends had and a minimum 2 play through for most RPGs was essential. For our Inquisition runs this worked particularly well as Lucy was able to do most of the grind, thinking about those Hinterlands, whereas I’d just look up from my work or book when part of the story was progressing.

 

‘Right, outfit time! Did you remember to bring your good bra and pants?’ Trust Lucy to always remember the details.

‘Yes, although no one is going to see them so I’m not sure why you specified’ ‘Line’s my dear, you will spoil the lines’. I went behind the screen and unbuttoned my shirt and jeans, and waited for the delivery of the mystery clothes for today’s event. After a minute of rustling a slip of multi-coloured fabric… that looked alarmingly like Lycra was thrust round the edge of the screen.

 

‘You must be joking, it’s a morph suit!’

‘It is not a morph suit, I would not have spent an hour and half on your hair and makeup to cover it up. Just put it on pleaseeeeee’

I sigh and undo the long zip at the back of the ‘cat’ not ‘morph’ suit. At least I understood what my dear friend meant by lines now. Zipping up the suit as far as I could on my own I hesitantly stepped out from behind the screen.

Lucy smirked and got me turn around so she could do up the zip. At the same time she strapped some more accessories across my torso and on to my arms and began pinning something to the top of my head, just above my hairline.

‘Finally, you can look in the mirror now’ she stated whilst still fluffing and fiddling with various bits on my apparel.

 

Taking a deep breath I headed over to the corner of the room where the floor length mirror stood, Lucy really had outdone herself this time.

My suit was a skin-tight rainbow of pastel pinks and purples with the odd blush of silver and white sparkles to break the bold colours up. My face had similar colours working down from the hairline, but blending in with my natural pale skin tone so I didn’t look like a berry flavoured Oompa Loompa. There were also a number of stick on jewels across my forehead and on the tops of my cheeks complementing the jems and jewels that featured on the multiple bangles and extravagant body chain, which ended in a fake hair tail.

The colours on my face blended seamlessly into my hair, which had been pulled back tight to my scalp and was a riot of matching colours and glitter. My hair itself had been braided down the centre of my head, with long pieces falling out of the braid that had been straightened and given the same colour treatment. My hair was long so the whole affect did look a lot like a horse’s mane, a very colourful mane with almost none of my brunette showing through.

Finally atop my head stuck out a single horn, twisted in silver wire, surrounded by Jewels and flowers to make any attachment appear invisible.

It was amazing.

‘Bloody hell, you should be doing work for Guillermo Del Toro’

‘You like it then?’

I beamed at Lucy in the mirror ‘I love it’ I turned slightly again barely recognising myself in my reflection ‘I’m a mother fucking Unicorn!’

 

* * *

 

 

We got to the festival site around 12, set up our tent and quickly decided upon who and what we were seeing during the day. Lucy was off to catch some of the breaking artists at the small Indie tent and I was going to head over to the vintage area for a quick shop before agreeing to meet back at half 3.

I had a brief feeling of embarrassment, thinking that my outfit had probably gone too extreme, especially with the matching glitter Hi-Top trainers and back pack, but after a glance around felt more settled. No one was going to be looking at me or for me and so pushing my shoulders back I headed off to the Vintage field, sparkling as I went.

 

I had always been a bit of an addict when it came to buying old jewellery and accessories. I struggled to find vintage clothes that fit, my tall and curvy frame wasn’t really catered for in the early 20th century so instead made do with just wearing small pieces that really stood out to me.

Browsing one of the jewellery stalls something caught my eye. It was an unassuming silver necklace on a long chain, with an unusual cube pendant and square purple stone in the centre. The shade was something similar to Amethyst but seemed to have the pearlescent look of Opal, it didn’t stand out compared to the other more extravagant costume pieces on the stall but I still felt compelled to buy it.

Looking at the price I continued the justification in my mind, the stone is unusual and it matches what I’m wearing today. With that thought I paid the vendor and put my necklace and purse back into my backpack for later.

 

I decided to stop by the tent as said glittery backpack although fine for the first half of the day would be a bit cumbersome down by the music fields later on. Lucy and I had arranged a specific meet up place away from crowds so I knew I wouldn’t need my phone to find her, most of the drinks stalls now scanned your festival wristband so I didn’t need my purse either. About to close it my new wrapped necklace fell out of the bag and I unwrapped to take another look at it.

I felt a humming in the air of the tent as I looked at the necklace ‘must be one of the bands bass turned up a bit high’ I thought to myself whilst still staring.

The stone really did match my outfit so without another thought I slipped it over my head.

 

The air in the tent began to thicken as if before a lightning storm and suddenly a blueish green crackling light filled the air. I tried to scramble backwards out of the tent but my hand didn’t find the floor, instead I fell through into nothingness.


	2. They Will Stare Unbelieving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still own nothing
> 
> I won't be describing/re-writing canon scenes in detail in this fic so only expect in game speech if there are differences. Some changes may be subtle but they are all planned.

**Lavellan POV**

 

‘You’ll have to do better than that’ Dorian claimed as we returned through the portal to the throne room in Redcliffe Castle.

I saw Alexius fall to his knees and took a beat longer to compose myself after what I had just witnessed. Dorian seemed almost nonchalant, so swallowing the urge run and scream at the creators I tried to follow suit.

 

‘You failed Alexius, how forgiving is your Elder One?’ Yes, I thought. That was good and strong sounding…

‘No!’ Alexius wail cut off my train of thought. I had expected resignation from him, perhaps a tearful farewell with his son before our soldiers dragged him away to some dungeon somewhere.

‘He had promised me. The Elder One’ Alexius spat ‘is a Liar!’

Dorian and I both shared a shrug of our shoulders whilst Felix knelt down to console his father.

 

‘Well that wasn’t quite what I had imagined’

‘No’ Dorian agreed with my assessment, ‘Still I’m glad it’s over with’

The air began to hum and sparks began to form and gather into a swirling portal similar to that which we had just returned through. The previously discarded amulet rose up in the air and the energy began to pass through it

‘Or not’

‘Dorian, what’s going on’ I exclaimed while taking a step back.

I saw Dorian, Varric and remaining soldiers do the same whilst Cassandra pulled her sword out of its sheath.

‘I’m not doing this’ Dorian hissed and glanced over to his former mentor. ‘Alexius, is this you? Haven’t you done enough?

‘It’s not, not me’ Alexius meekly replied. The emptiness in his eyes and tone of voice showed me that he was not lying.

Shaking myself out of my fear I gripped a dagger in each of my hands and assumed a defensive stance. Although my authority as Herald was new the other members of the Inquisition followed suit and soon we had a defensive semi-circle formed around the pulsing portal.

Dorian began sending out teasing sparks of magic, frowning slightly when they just seemed to dissipate against the energy the portal was producing.

Suddenly the pulsing increased and the colours brightened till we all had to look away or shield our eyes. Then with a huge burst of light and what sounded like a yelp the portal closed and silence took over the throne room.

 

‘uhnnn’

I heard quietly from the area just below where the portal had been. Taking one step forward I saw a figure on the floor with its back to us. Its iridescent skin shone in the torchlight and the ‘thing’ began to right itself.

I heard Alexius gasp from his vantage point as the creature turned around with wide eyes and rubbing its side where it had landed on the floor.

‘YOU!’ Alexius suddenly screamed and tried to break free of his guards. Managing to take a step forwards Felix grabbed a hold of his father again whilst the Magister continued to rave.

‘Where were you? I waited! You were promised to me! WHERE WERE YOU’

The feminine creature looked shocked and didn’t make a sound whilst she looked over to the Magister. Taking a timid step back she began to put her hands up.

 

‘She is going to cast, Varric your crossbow’ Cassandra shouted.

‘Wait!’ Dorian took a step forward, putting himself between the now huddling creature and Varrics bow. ‘You can’t just kill people’ Dorian began ‘if I knew the Inquisition was going to assassinate before asking questions I would have stayed in Tevinter’

 

‘Dorian, that is a desire demon. It cannot be permitted to speak, to tempt us and it cannot be bargained with’

‘I’m not a demon’ a mumbled voice came from behind Dorian.

‘I know you’re not darling, I have seen plenty of desire demons in the fade and well. You only have one horn for a start, and you aren’t blue. And as you desire demons should appear in the form most suited to the tastes of the one addressing it unless you suddenly become extremely broad shouldered perhaps with a stylish small beard…’

‘Maybe she’s not a very good desire demon’ Varric quipped.

 

‘Enough’ I stop this argument before it can begin. Gesturing to the soldiers they quickly take hold of Alexius and begin to walk him out of the throne room, with Felix following behind.

‘Dorian, you can’t keep her as a pet. Demon or no’

‘I’m not a demon’ the voice speaks up again and steps out from behind Dorian. She glances around the room quickly, brow creasing in thought.

‘Var..’ she begins as she looks at Varric but quickly clamps the word down and shakes her head.

‘Where am I?’ The female begins glancing briefly at Dorian then towards me.

 

Her accent is thoroughly Ferelden and doesn’t have the same hissing echo of the other demons I have encountered. She also doesn’t look like any demon I have come across before whilst closing rifts or that I can think of when hearing my Keepers stories.

Something is niggling at the back of my mind though as I look at the creature, no, the woman in more detail. Although most of her skin is a shimmering pink and purple her face is not, it is bare and adorned with crystals, almost as if a Vallaslin had been completed in pure diamond. She also appeared to be wearing shoes, although shoes being a loose term to describe what look to be small sparkling canvas lace up boots. Again, she couldn’t recall seeing many demons in such fascinating footwear.

A closer look at her form makes her appear completely human in shape. She was tall for a female, although still shorter than Dorian and certainly not on the grand stature of a Qunari.

 

‘Please’ she says looking directly at me again. ‘I’m not a demon, I don’t’ know where I am, how I got here. I’m human. And..’ she begins to breathe irregularly and her eyes leave mine to flick around the room more.

‘… and, please. I’m scared’. The female curls up in a small ball putting her head between her legs and covering as much as possible of her body with her arms. She begins to slightly shiver and her shoulders shake as if silently crying. I am about to take a step forward to comfort the unknown woman when I hear the stomp stomp of foot soldiers approaching.

Knowing we didn’t bring our army with us in such numbers I glance quickly at Dorian who steps in front of the crying girl and casts a quick illusion spell to hide her appearance and muffle her sound.

I can barely make out the outline of the woman now even with my Elven eyes and experience entering such stealth myself.

 

King Alistair enters the throne room a moment later and a heated discussion ensues between himself and the Grand Enchanter Fiona. I find I have little sympathy for the grand enchanter but Cassandra’s recommendation to conscript the mages, almost make them slaves doesn’t sit comfortably with me. My people have been slaves and subjugated for too long to allow that to happen so instead I offer Fiona and the mages a full alliance. Although I know my advisors will not be happy part of me is hoping a certain taciturn elf back at Haven will approve.

King Alistair leaves the room with his soldiers and Fiona also leaves to ready her mages for the trip to Haven.

 

‘So, should we discuss the Druffalo in the room?’ I start when only Inquisition members remain within earshot.

‘Herald, while I may not agree with your decision regarding the mages I do support it. However whatever this she-demon is, this is not a risk we should be willing to take’

‘Cassandra, if you had acted first without taking the time to ask questions, and let me prove myself I would be dead on a dungeon floor’

‘Herald that is completely dif’

‘No its not. I have made my decision. We need to arrange for the prisoner to be taken back to Haven with us without causing too much alarm.’

‘Well, I can’t maintain this spell forever. And I’m sure your lovely nightingale wouldn’t appreciate you using up all her scouts stealth potions. Plus there is always the threat that she may in fact be demon’

‘I’m still here and still not a demon’ the female said with a touch of annoyance as she stepped out of Dorians spell. Her earlier panic seemed to have calmed and a hint of a woman used to some authority was now showing in her tone and posture.

‘Well what are you then?’

‘I mean I know why you might think that, today I was being a Unicorn, but I don’t normally look like this. I’m human.’

‘That is what a demon would say’ Varric volunteered.

‘Varric, do you have any helpful thoughts?’

‘As a matter of fact I do, we need to smuggle this one out so let’s do it old school. Anyone got a big blanket?’

‘I like you’re thinking Master Tethras’ Dorian said as he stepped back towards the ‘Unicorn’

‘What are you doing?’ stepping back at the same time till she was up against the wall again ‘I’m n’

‘Sleep!’ Dorian cut off the protestations with a quick spell whilst the female slid down the wall like a rag doll.

‘That should keep her out for around 24hours. I can cast rejuvenation spells so the poor thing doesn’t wither in that time, shall we make haste?’

 

* * *

 

 

The return trip to Redcliffe was uneventful and fast thanks to Dennett’s horses and one hardy cart. We rode on ahead with our asleep prisoner knowing the mages would take a few days to arrange transport and also over a week to travel on foot.

 

I sent only a short coded missive via Raven as we set off so as not to cause alarm about the things we had witnessed in Redcliffe.

 

_L, C and J_

_Debrief needed as soon as we return. Mages are full allies. Also we are bringing back a unicorn_

_H_

_H_

_Another one? Isn’t the Bog Unicorn enough. They are ugly creatures._

_C_

‘I bet you 10 sovereigns Curly goes pinker than that things skin when he see’s her’ Varric interrupts whilst I’m reading over the commanders return missive.

‘Ha! I don’t think I can take that bet. Even Cassandra took on hint of a rosé colour and she’s seen it all before’

Cassandra let out a disgusted noise whilst listening in to this exchange and spurred her horse ahead.

Dorian rode up to occupy her place in our small caravan. ‘Strange horse-demons aside my dear how are you holding up?’

‘Honestly Dorian I still feel like an imposter here. Pretending at making important decisions when clearly others would be better suited. I mean, just look at the mages. I shouldn’t even have had a right to conscript them, no one should have so much authority over so many people’s lives’

‘Well I wish that that were true, but Kings, Magisters and the Chantry have that much power and more. Don’t feel guilty because you find yourself in the position of authority. As we know’ Dorian began to lower his voice ‘from what we’ve experienced you are that important. Whether it was divine intervention or not you do matter and as such your decisions matter. Just make sure they are ones you can live with’

He offers a slight smile and I respond with a sincere thanks.

 

‘mmmnnh’ The bundle of blankets on the cart begins to shift and groan and slowly the horn followed by the rest of the head emerges from swaddle.

‘Perfect timing. Welcome to Haven’ I respond and smile cheerfully to our sparkly friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always please feel free to leave any comments or suggestions and thanks for stopping by :)


	3. The Future has Passed

**Thea POV**

 

‘Perfect timing. Welcome to Haven’ The Herald grins at me through my sleep induced fuzz.

I grumble and slip my head back underneath the blanket for a moment to take stock of my situation.

In the distance I can hear a repetitive tink tink tink of what I assume is a forge and smell the wood burning fires. That I had been asleep and re-woken here showed me that I wasn’t dreaming although I was still tempted to test the theory later.

I imagine I didn’t have long to get my story straight about who I was and how much I knew but I just couldn’t think straight. Rubbing my head to try and clear my thoughts I let out a small hiss of pain.

 

I was still wearing this bloody horn hairpiece and with the amount of pins in my hair it was pulling at my scalp unbearably. Sitting up, letting the blanket fall around my shoulders I begin to pull out pin after pin. The Herald and Dorian looking over at me in amusement as I mutter and curse under my breath.

‘Oh go dressed up as a Unicorn it will be fun, you don’t get out enough’ I mimic Lucy’s words from earlier in the day, is it even the same day I thought.

 

I clear my throat ‘Excuse me, how long was I asleep for?’

‘Just under 2 days’ the Herald responds ‘Don’t worry though, Dorian cast the sleep spells and we made sure you were comfortable’ she gestured to the mage.

‘Dorian is it?’ I wasn’t going to win any awards for acting anytime soon ‘well, thank you for that I guess. My name is Thea’

I offer a small smile and glance over to the herald, it has the desired effect.

‘Oh, I’m so sorry, my name is Ellana Lavellan. Although just Ellana is fine! Look I’m sorry about all this’ she gestures to my general vicinity ‘we just had to sneak you out without causing too much alarm. The advisors will probably want to ask you some questions but you aren’t our prisoner’.

She says at the exact moment I try and stretch out my legs and notice with a grimace that they are shackled.

‘Well you are a little bit our prisoner but we don’t mean you any harm. We just couldn’t have you running around and causing panic’ she smiles and turns forward again. I suppose an apology was too much to expect.

 

After I have finally removed all the pins I slide the horn and associated flowers off my head and let out a sigh. I can see my companions watching me from the corner of my eye and so I theatrically dump the horn onto the pile of pins and lie back down.

There will be time to freak out later, I repeat in my mind as a mantra whilst I begin to compose myself.

I was really hoping the ‘questions’ that the advisors wanted to ask me wouldn’t be asked in the dungeon, or at the sharp end of a knife.

‘Ok Thea let’s think this through rationally’ I began but just then the caravan we were travelling in stopped. I could hear voices from the lead horses and within a moment Lavellan was back to the side of my cart.

‘Hi, so we are going to have to put that blanket over your head again till we can get you to a secure location’

‘Secure location? I am not a threat, surely that’s obvious!’

‘Yes, to me and the people who saw you in Redcliffe that’s clear but people are jumpy around Haven. Not to mention there is an annoying Chantry Chancellor running around who would probably summon the guards the moment he laid eyes on you.’

‘Ok ok, blanket me up’ I give in. Maybe if I cooperate my stay in the dungeon will be of minimal duration. I should save my protests for things that really matter ‘like not being tortured’ I thought grimly.

 

I am shuffled along with the blanket over my head by Lavellan. Not being able to see the surface I am walking on, and still having my legs shackled make this a far more frustrating process than is needed and at one point I fall over.

‘Easy, we're nearly there’ Lavellan quietly reassures me.

 

‘Herald, is everything alright? Who is that?’ I hear a man’s voice shout over towards us and I instantly freeze.

‘Yes Commander everything is fine, this is just Dorian, he was drowning his sorrows on the way back to Haven and now has a hangover so we are just trying to keep the light off him. I’ll be along for the debrief in a moment, he is just going to sleep it off.’ Lavellan cheerfully responds in a way that doesn’t leave room for further questions and begins moving us again.

I snicker under the blanket and hear Lavellan respond in kind. ‘This reminds me of the time my friends and I got drunk after our first successful solo hunt and we had to sneak back into the camp without alerting the elders’ She tells me and I feel myself genuinely smile.

‘We’ve all been there’ I kindly respond and she just laughs again.

‘I’ll have to catch Dorian and tell him to either lay low or fake being ill at the war council. Right, here we are, just step through the door’

 

I follow her instructions, hear the door close and the blanket is removed from my head. Relief washes over me as I realise I am in a cosy little cabin, not a cold stone dungeon.

‘So this is my cabin’ Lavellan begins ‘Please just make yourself comfortable and sorry about the mess’ she moves quickly around the cabin picking up a spare set of daggers that were on the side table and stoking the fire. I look at her while she works, she looks tired and just a little crushed. I remind myself that I’m not the only one in this world who has had their life turned upside down, maybe I can find some empathy and a friend in her.

‘I’ll be back with the advisors and maybe a couple of our other team members shortly just to ask you some questions. There is a guard on the door, don’t look at me like that, he’s always there since the assassination attempts…’ She trails off and I instantly feel guilty for presuming I was under house arrest.

‘Oh one last thing’ she reaches into a small pouch by the side of her sheathed dagger and pulls out a little key. Stooping she quickly unlocks my leg shackles and picks them up to take them out of the cabin with her ‘See you in a few minutes’ and with that she steps out of the cabin and closes the door behind her.

 

I flop down onto the small chair and reach over to just rub my ankles where the shackles had been, truthfully they had been far too wide for my narrow ankles and the rubbing was just something I was using to soothe whilst I prepare for the inevitable onslaught of thoughts.

 

How the hell was I in Thedas? Ah the portal, right, that makes sense, or not, but it’s what happened. Oh my God Lucy, she will think I’ve been kidnapped or murdered. I need to get home, how can I get home, perhaps a running jump at the breach? I take a deep breath and try to still my racing thoughts and increased heart rate.

 

‘Time for a freak out later Thea, just put all that aside for now’ I take another deep breath ‘Let’s get your story straight’. I close my eyes and begin writing a list in my mind. Normally I prefer putting pen to paper but I couldn’t risk anything falling into the wrong hands, and if Leliana is as efficient as she is made out in game she probably already knows my birthday, what colour underwear I have on and that my first pet was a poodle called Pippa.

First things first, what can you reveal. Well there seemed to be no point in lying about where I am from, my name, my world. It was already very obvious that I wasn’t from Thedas and I didn’t plan on running into any of my acquaintances here. I nod silently and agree with my own thinking. Next, what will I need to keep secret?

 

I had already pretended not to know anyone’s name although I nearly slipped up when I saw Varric at Redcliffe. He had been the most recognizable as I’d seen his character through 2 games plus if I was being honest with myself he was a dwarf and the lack of beard told me he was of the Thedas not Middle Earth variety.

 

I could backtrack though, claim I had concussion and reveal what I do know about the games and upcoming events. ‘So what will happen if you do that?’ I was playing devil’s advocate with myself, it was time consuming but the best way to ensure I was prepared for all eventualities, and also why I was so good at my job.

Well they already think I’m some kind of demon, if I add in I can see the future, know all your darkest secrets oh and by the way Haven will be decimated in a few days time…

‘Shit, Haven’ what was I going to do, could I tell them the attack was coming? If I do that, and we evacuate will Corypheus not just follow us? He needs to see the Herald, to learn that his anchor is now useless to him. But people will die. Yes, but maybe I _can_ help with that. My mind began to race again but I put a stop to that plan for now. I didn’t have the time.

 

If I reveal what I know, I could feel myself summarizing my own thoughts, assuming they even believe me, then the timeline will be altered and any information I could use to help will be useless.

 

‘Play dumb it is’ I felt like a coward. ‘No it’s the only way if I’m to live long enough to get home. Plus I’m still not even sure this isn’t just a dream or my drink was spiked or something’.

Rather than sit and dwell on my gloomy decision I began trying to test my other theories about what was happening.

I tried the usual, clicking my heels and saying there was no place like home, pinching the sensitive part of my inner arm even sternly telling myself to wake up. ‘Right, the drop test’ I thought as I climbed up onto the chair. Just as I was mentally preparing myself for the fall the room to the cabin door opened and a number of figures following Lavellan began to step into the room.

‘GAhhh!’ I said as the sudden movement coupled with my precarious balance caused me to fall off the chair straight onto the hard wooden floor, my head thumping and bouncing slightly with the impact.

‘Owww’ I moaned and rolled over to my side as Lavellan ran up to me.

‘Thea, what in the creators were you doing?’

‘I was trying to wake up’ I covered my hands with my face to hide my embarrassment. ‘You know in dreams when you are falling but you always wake up just before you hit the ground. I had to be sure this wasn’t all a dream’

She sighs and shakes her head but I can tell she’s not actually angry, instead she begins to help me stand again.

 

‘Herald, step away from that, that creature!’ I hear a sword being drawn and instantly my eyes are drawn to the noise. Commander Cullen Rutherford has assumed a battle stance in the doorway and I begin to back away and pull my arms up in supplication.

‘Commander, that is not necessary. We established in Redcliffe that this pe _rson_ ’ I don’t miss the emphasis on the word person ‘is not threat and is currently our guest’.

‘But her skin, her hair. When you called it a Unicorn I assumed you would be referring to a creature in the stables not whatever she is’.

Lavellan holds her hand up to stop his argument and the Commander grumbles and re-sheathes his sword.

I had never completed the Cullen romance on my playthroughs but I thought that by Inquisition he had learned the whole ‘mistreatment of people because they are different’ is bad. Clearly I was wrong and although he was now more tolerant of mages he was still skittish around other unexpected entities.

 

‘Leliana, would you like to begin your questioning? You’ve already read Cassandras summary of the events in Redcliffe pertaining to our guest and I’m sure you have your scout’s eyewitness reports also.’ Whilst saying this Lavellan gestured for me to sit back in the chair whilst Leliana walked forward and began pacing the room.

 

I looked at the other assembled individuals to school the emotions on my face. I needed to remember that I didn’t know these people, or their reputations. Alongside Lavellan, Cullen and the Hands of the Divine I saw Josephine, Bull, Solas and Dorian. I presumed Josie was here in her capacity as advisor, Bull for his Ben-Hassrath training and the mages for any arcane questions that may arise.

 

‘Can you tell me your name?’

‘It’s Thea. Well Amalthea Marie King, but just Thea is fine’

‘Nice to meet you, I am Leliana but you may know me as Sister Nightingale. Left hand of the former Divine. Do you happen to know anything about the explosion which killed her holiness?’

I saw her probing question for what it was and shook my head ‘I’m sorry but I’ve never even heard of the Divine. Is she like your Pope?’

‘Who do you work for’ I was taken aback by the sudden change in questioning.

‘I work for myself I guess. It’s complicated, I consult on events so I’m technically self-employed.’

‘Like a Mercenary?’ Bull chimed in from the corner where he was watching with interest,

‘What, no. I do safety and risk management for people who set up events, gatherings, conferences. Anything where you have large numbers of people gathering.’ I see a sea of blank faces. ‘You know, health and safety, what to do if there’s a fire, are there sufficient refreshments and accommodation, what’s the procedure for a bomb threat. Things like that’

 

Leliana continued completely unfazed by my previous answer.

‘In Redcliffe Alexius recognized you. He shouted that he was waiting for you so you must be working for him or his employer. Also what of the amulet you were wearing? The same as Alexius had developed for time travel’ I saw Dorian pull my necklace out from his robes and realised he must have taken it off whilst I was sleeping.

 

‘I bought that necklace today because it matched my clothes, I know that’s shallow but it’s the truth. As soon as I put it on some weird lightning began to crackle around me and it was like the floor vanished. I landed in a room with Lavellan and that crazy person shouting at me as if they knew me. Then someone pointed a crossbow at my face and then I was knocked unconscious and brought to wherever on Earth we are, and then Sir Lancelot over there pulls a sword on me. I have had enough of being questioned and held without any due cause or even being given an offer to speak to a lawyer. You clearly aren’t police officers’ I gesture to the assembled casts clothes.

 

I knew that my rant wasn’t the best idea but I was done playing calm. I was a terrible liar and at least all of this was the truth and I had the emotions to back it up. Plus if I couldn’t lie I could deflect and so began in earnest.

‘I mean is this like a medieval times prank gone wrong? Am I on TV is that it? You know what one of you give me your phone, I have a friend who is probably worried sick about me’. I stick my hand out expectantly and put on my best authoritative face.

 

After a moments silence following my rant Cullen picks the worst possible thing to say. ‘I still think we should move this person to the dungeon. It clearly isn’t human and I can sense some magic.’ I can see Solas nod out of the corner of my eye but I am suddenly blind with rage.

 

‘IT IS A COSTUME!’ I shout at him and turn my back, I reach up behind me and pull at the small ribbon attached to zip of my suit and began to yank it down. I huff as a pull my arms out and roll the pink sparkly lycra down my torso and legs. Kicking off my Hi-tops as I go I turn around and throw the offending garment at his feet. Then I walk over to him, pleased at the shocked expression on his face, pull off one of the stick on jewels which was on my cheek and place it right on the centre of his stupid forehead.

 

‘There now you’re the demon. Happy!’ I send a challenging glare to everyone in the room ‘I don’t see you getting your pitchforks out for this guy here’ I point over towards Bull. ‘He is duck egg blue and has two horns but noooo I’m the freak’ I see the huge grin on bulls face and just as quickly as it came my rage subsides. I glance down and see that I am now stood in only my lace push up and matching underwear and can feel my face begin to redden.

 

‘This is humiliating’ I mumble although I’m sure it’s loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. I turn my back and walk over to the bed. I promptly huddle myself in the blanket there and curl up into a ball as I did at Redcliffe.

 

I ignore the quick discussion that passes between the rest of the people in the room whilst I wallow in my own mortification. ‘Well at least I remembered to wear my good underwear’ I thought with mirth on Lucy’s reminder from what seemed like a lifetime ago.

 

At last I hear someone clear their throat and look up to see Lavellan has approached the bed and sit down whilst the others file out of the room.

‘Well they have established that you are in fact not a demon’ I appreciate her sense of humour but can’t smile back. ‘We would like you to stay here in Haven for the time being. You are not a prisoner but you really should stay. It’s clear that you aren’t from Thedas and honestly from what I’ve seen you would be helpless out there.’ I nod in agreement still not saying anything.

‘There are still questions that we have but they can wait. In the meantime how about we get some baths drawn up, get some food brought from the kitchens and drink some wine?’

 

‘That sounds perfect’ I smile and finally meeting Lavellans eyes.


	4. The First Breath of Winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So even though I am writing this in UK English the AO3 auto-correct is prompting me to change things to US English. So sorry in advance if there is an awful mix of spellings in this chapter.

**Cullen POV**

 

I wake covered in sweat and still reeling from my nightmares. I quickly make my way outside clad in just my sleep trousers to let the cool mountain air blow over my overheated skin and thank the Maker that I am going through these Lyrium withdrawals in temperate Fereldan as opposed to the cloying heat of Kirkwall.

Looking around it seems to be around a bell before dawn so I return to my tent and begin preparing for the day.

 

My nights had been not very restful of the past few days. I knew most of it was just self-driven anxiety caused by the arrival of so many unchecked mages due within the next week. Despite promising myself I would do better and not fear mages without reason I still couldn’t shake the trauma of 10 years ago and I was beginning to think I never would.

After completing my morning rituals I sat down at my desk to begin reviewing the paperwork carried over for the day before.  I scan the first requisition on my desk

 

_Request_

_One group of soldiers to spend half a day gathering wood._

_Signed TK_

 

I had been waiting for the requisition to arrive after it was alluded to in a meeting a couple of days ago. Requested by the newest member, if she could even be called that, of the Inquisition Amalthea King.

 

Thinking back on his first encounter with the Lady he couldn’t help but blush slightly. In her determination to prove that she was not in fact a desire demon she had completely stripped to her underwear, upbraided him in front of his colleagues and somehow garnered enough pity in the process to remain in Haven. Not only as one of the many refugees or laborers that had joined since the Breach opened but as a favored friend and confidante of the Herald. Between her and that Tevinter Altus it was no wonder the Chantry was openly denouncing the Inquisitions Herald. It had been decided that at least for now her origins would remain secret amongst all but the Advisors and Inner circle. There were still questions surrounding her mysterious appearance at Redcliffe and Alexius’ apparent expectation of her arrival.

 

He wasn’t without heart, it was clear not only from the strange fabric of her clothes and use of a multitude of words he didn’t understand that she wasn’t from anywhere in Thedas.

Subsequent meetings between the Lady and other members of the council had confirmed this through the various reports he had scanned.

 

She didn’t know what the Chantry was, even the most remote Avaar tribes were at least aware of the Chantry’s work and influence. Elves, Dwarves and Dragons were races out of Myth and Qunari didn’t even exist in that respect.

On top of everything Solas and Dorian had confirmed that she did indeed have magic, although it hadn’t yet manifested. Her world, she claimed, didn’t have magic at all. Just very advanced technology which somehow covered a whole range of impossibilities she had described.

 

He knew he was treating her with more suspicion than the other members of the inquisition and if he was honest with himself it wasn’t just the whole ‘different world’ thing. Truthfully he couldn’t remember ever being so struck by another person before and that made him feel unguarded.

Her figure alone would have given Orlesian writers tomes of inspiration. She didn’t have a hard warrior’s body or a lithe Elven figure, she was tall and had soft curves which, admittedly through no fault of her, own looked a lot like those of the desire demon that had been taunting him for a decade.

More than that was the feeling he got when she approached him to stick that strange crystal onto his forehead. Her pretty blue-green eyes were sparking with rage at the time but he couldn’t help the feeling of arousal brought on by the proximity of her aura. Then the beautiful way she blushed when she became embarrassed…

 

‘Maker, Cullen stop this.’ I told myself firmly.

Taking a breath to clear my mind I looked back to the requisition in front of me.

‘Declined’ I thought with a perverse satisfaction. Before moving on the rest of my paperwork.

 

\---

 

‘Hey Curly, I understood from Bull you are a pro at getting women out of their clothes now’ I hear the dwarf quip from his usual spot by the fire as I make my way over to the training field.

Rather than respond which will inevitably draw me into another conversation reminiscing about ‘the good ol’ days’ in Kirkwall I walk away. The dwarf and I had formed an uneasy understanding since travelling from the free marches together, the unease part was mostly due to the relentless teasing about my hair, apparent brooding and now apparently my skills in the bedroom.

 

Recruitment and training had been accelerating at a pace since the Heralds work out in the Hinterlands and her appearance in Val Royeaux. As such most of my daylight hours were spent training groups down by the training fields with the evening reserved for meetings and paperwork.  

Today was no exception and I had a large group of mostly green recruits running some of the usual drills. I see some of my soldiers become distracted and bark at them to focus before turning to see what or in this case who has caught their attention. At the same time I hear Rylen next to me whistle, ‘is that lass the Heralds new friend that everyone has been talking about?’

For once I don’t have a witty reply for my friend as over walks what is undoubtedly the same woman as before, but Makers Breath I wouldn’t have recognized her.

 

The multi-colored hair had gone, replaced by a simple braid revealing a natural rich brunette with hints of warm auburn in the sunlight. The frankly bizarre facial crystals and iridescent skin on her face was also clear and her pale smooth complexion was currently taking on a hint of pink in the cool mountain air. Her clothes have been replaced by something much more practical, soft hide leggings with knee high boots and an over-sized scouts shirt belted around her torso. The clothing despite being baggy as if to hide only amplifies the hourglass figure from my morning’s reflections. But most noticeably her expression which veered between pure rage and dejection last time I had seen her was replaced by something warm and almost sheepish as she made her way over to me and my second.

I quickly realize I’m staring like any of my recruits, straighten my posture and set my face to one of disinterest.

 

‘Lady Amalthea, what can I do for you?’

‘Just Thea, please’

‘Lady Thea?’ I suggest. She sighs before retorting with a smirk ‘Yes, Lord Cullen. I wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day.’ She begins and I am too shocked by the thought that she is apologizing after my boorish behavior to correct the misuse of a title.

‘I had had a truly awful couple of days and although it’s no excuse I’m sorry that your expression of valid concerns lead me to have a tantrum and erm, throw my clothes at you.’

I hear Rylen snigger, whilst she looks down and blushes slightly. ‘I am sorry if my outburst gave you the wrong impression of me and I will try to be more professional in all our encounters from now on.’

 

I realize I have been looking at her silently for an uncomfortable amount of time, while her hand had been outstretched as if to reconcile, only once Rylen clears his throat and comes to my rescue.

‘Aye, don’t worry about Cullen lass. He’s just not one for speaking to pretty girls.’ He leans forward and grasps the outstretched hand for a shake ‘Captain Rylen at your service.’

 

‘Ah ok, pleasure to meet you Captain. Can you tell me if you or one of your subordinates handles soldier requisitions? I submitted one yesterday but have no idea of the process really and am here to explain why I need to borrow a handful of your men.’

She looks over to me hopefully. It seems her apology was a peace offering yes but just so she could push her priorities through and so I harden my voice and respond in place of Rylen.

 

‘All requests for the soldiers’ time come through me personally my Lady. I did see your request but as it made little sense I declined it. Will that be all?’

There is a brief flash of hurt on her face before her mask of professionalism takes over.

‘I’m sorry if my request didn’t have the required detail, the Herald didn’t have time to show me an example before she headed out. Could I please take a moment of your time to explain what I need the wood for before you decline it?’

 

‘I’m sorry my Lady but with the preparations for the closure of the breach in less than a week I cannot spare the men.’

‘I see’ the look of dejection crosses her face again. ‘Thank you for your time my Lord’

‘It’s Commander or Cullen is fine’

She doesn’t respond to me just inclines her head slightly.

‘A pleasure to meet you Captain Rylen’ and with that she walks away towards the Cabin she shares with the Herald.

 

‘You absolute arse-biscuit’ Rylen states once the lady is out of earshot and he too walks away.

 

\---

That evening we have our usual Advisors meeting despite the Herald and Cassandra being off to locate the Grey Warden Blackwall. After all of the usual business is concluded Josephine asks me if the men were going to be available for Lady Amalthea’s project.

‘Do you mean the half a day of wood gathering?’ She nods so I continue ‘I declined that request. We have plenty of firewood and the men need to prepare for any eventualities when closing the breach.’

 

Josephine pauses and arches her brow. I have been on the end of the ambassador’s ire before and can tell what is coming.

 

‘Commander, despite being requested by Lady Amalthea, the wood was part of a larger project that myself and the Herald had reviewed and approved. We assured her you would be more than willing to assist.’

‘I just don’t see’ I try to cut in but she continues. ‘Lady Amalthea pointed out to us that we appear to have run out of space at Haven with the sheer number of refugees and size of the army. That with the pressure we have been under from Marquis DuRellion about vacating Haven at the earliest opportunity, she came to us with a solution.

After the breach is closed we will provide each refugee a small pack of provisions, blankets and rations for 2 weeks plus other essentials. All tied up onto sticks which can be easily carried over the shoulder or double as a walking stick. Quite ingenious if I may say so, although the Lady just mumbled something about Dick Whittington.

I digress, the point is that once the people are safe this will be a ‘good bye and good luck’ gift to the refugees, meaning more resources for your army which will be able to continue to grow until we can find a more suitable headquarters for the Inquisition.’

 

‘I see’ I begin once the ambassador had finished her lengthy explanation. I have the courtesy to at least look sheepish as I continue. ‘In that case I need to apologize to you and the Herald.’

‘You should apologize to Lady Thea Commander’ Leliana joins in my telling off with a smirk. Sometimes it is like living with two older sisters, they always manage to get their own way.

‘Yes, very well. It is late now but I will seek the Lady out tomorrow to apologize. Will that be all?’

Both Leliana and Josephine nod and smile at me and I can’t wait to be out of the room.

I knew I had treated the Lady unjustly today and tomorrow I would aim to make it right.

 

\--

After the morning drills I seek out the Lady at the cabin she shares with the Herald. There is no answer despite my knocking and so I check the Chantry, no sign of her there either.

‘Where could that woman be’ I say out loud. I am stood close to one of the communal fires to warm myself from chill while thinking that I hadn’t seen her at all that morning.

 

‘Curly, are you looking for Moonshine?’ Varric speaks up from his usual writing spot.

‘If by Moonshine you mean Lady Amalthea then yes, do you know where she is?’

‘Sure’ and he points over to the path that leads out of Haven and into the forest. ‘She’s been gone since dawn. Try and be nice if you do find her.’

‘I am always nice.’ I reply but Varric’s smirk tells me that he knows otherwise. ‘The gossip in Haven never ceases’ I think as I make my way out of Haven towards the forest.

 

After a short while walking, no more than a third of a mile I come across the Lady just next to a bend in the path. She doesn’t appear to be bothered by the cold wind which flutters around and I can hear her humming while she picks up long but sturdy sticks of varying lengths.

 

At last she looks up towards the sound of my approaching footsteps and jumps slightly.

‘Jesus! Give a girl some warning Commander’ she says, but there is a twinkle in her eyes that tell me she isn’t truly alarmed and so I continue my approach.

 

‘Lady Amalthea’

‘Thea’

‘Lady Thea, I wanted to apologize for my behavior at the training ring yesterday and my unjust refusal of your requisition.’ I wait to see if she will respond, but she doesn’t. Just stares expectantly.

‘I, erm, haven’t been the most kind since your arrival in Haven and that has been unworthy of me. I apologize again and hope you can forgive me.’ I rub the back of my neck in slight embarrassment.

 

She looks at the action, almost with recognition and smiles more earnestly than I have seen in her previous encounters with me. ‘You are forgiven Commander. I can see that we aren’t going to be the best of friends but please don’t dismiss me out of principle next time. I’m certain there must have been at least once in your life when someone had given you the benefit of doubt and I’d appreciate the same courtesy extended to me.’

 

Her retort cut’s deeper than I would like to admit. Of course I knew what it felt like to both be disliked and dislike on a principle. My defining years in Kirkwall were overshadowed by an unwarranted distrust of all mages. If it wasn’t for Hawke pestering, to see the truth of Meredith’s machinations and then the Seeker giving me a true chance to atone where would I be now.

 

Thoroughly shamed I am about to apologize again when I hear a group of men coming towards us from round the bend, they are my soldiers and appear to be carrying large bundles of wood in their arms.

‘My Lady, does this look like enough’ one of the men speaks up.

‘Ah yes perfect thank you, could you please put them down by the side of the Chantry for me? I really appreciate your help today’ she smiles prettily at the men and they all grin back at her before heading on to the Chantry.

 

‘Why are my men out collecting wood when I declined the requisition?’ I cut in to the silence as soon as the group are out of earshot.

‘These men volunteered to help after Bull got me talking in the tavern last night. They assured me that they were all off duty. I didn’t think it would be a problem.’ She is still smiling even though her response sounds rehearsed. I feel my anger swelling, what was it about this woman that made my blood boil.

‘Those are MY men. In future you will not petition the use of their time via any means other than speaking to me directly.’

‘But’

‘No, it doesn’t matter that they were off duty, I declined your requisition and you went behind my back. This shows no respect for the chain of command. Did you promise them favors in the tavern last night hmm? To get so many to agree?’

I regret it as soon as I’ve said it, what in the Void was wrong with me. When she finally looks me back in the eye I was expecting the rage or cool indifference of our earlier encounters. Instead it is clear she is blinking back tears, the shocked hurt apparent across her face.

 

After what feels like a lifetime of silence the guilt wins out over my rage and I try to apologize

‘My Lady I’m Sorr-‘

‘No’ she cuts me off. Still with tears in her eyes and her breath hitching she continues. ‘You, you don’t even know me. I -I have never been spoken to like that in my life.’

‘Please let me- ’

‘NO! Just, never speak to me again’ she turns and walks quickly towards the direction of the Chantry.

 

‘Oh Cullen, you absolute arse-biscuit.’ The surrounding forest does little to soothe my shame and I slowly meander back towards the town.


	5. The Last Crumbling Mountain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 300 views, thank you all so much for your support!  
> As an extra special present here is your third chapter of the week, please enjoy :)

**Thea POV**

 

‘What an absolute prick’ I mutter to myself in the small corner of the Chantry I am working in. An evening of quiet contemplation, a bit of yoga and wine hadn’t yet dulled my anger at my treatment the previous day. I thought I had been harsh with him when I gave him the whole ‘people deserve not to be judged’ speech. I knew it would hit close to home and was pleased albeit guiltily when it had the desired effect. But now, I could feel myself tensing back up with rage.

Like every other woman I knew, when I was angry I threw myself into a task, it helped me re-focus and put the energy into something productive. Instead of say repeatedly punching a stupid handsome know it all in the face.

‘Ow’ I let out a small whimper and look down to realize part of the stick I was wrapping had splintered and lodged in my finger. ‘Just great’ I grumble as I pull the splinter out. Thankfully it comes out cleanly and I pop my finger in my mouth to suck the tiny drop of blood away.

‘I’ll probably get TB now and die. That would make him happy’ I think spitefully.

How much had changed in the space of a few days, when I first landed in Thedas I almost thought I could be happy here.

 

**A few nights ago**

 

_The Elven servant had just left the cabin with the third dirty bath of the evening. Truthfully I felt I could have done with a fourth but I was beginning to feel guilty._

_‘Hey’ Ellana pulled me from my musings. ‘At least the bath water looked normal this time. I thought the poor girl was going to pass out when she saw the color of the first one. Just how much makeup did you use on your hair?’_

_‘hah, true. I did pity her, goodness only knows what they think we will have been doing in here. As for the makeup I told you, my friend did it. Normally I don’t mind her eccentric ideas but despite all my careful planning I did not anticipate landing in another world.’_

_‘I hear you sister, one day you are just minding your own business, the next day you wake up with a strange mark on your hand and people are claiming you as a prophet for a religion you don’t even believe in… Do, do you miss your home?’_

_‘Well it’s only been 2 days and I was asleep for most of that’ I respond. ‘The things I really miss had already left me. I was raised by my grand-parents. No, don’t worry, no sad orphan story’ I quickly cut in when I see Ellana’s face begin to pity me. ‘I had a great upbringing and childhood. My Grandpa died when I was twenty and my Grandma was a few years later.’ I quickly twiddle the band on my right ring finger. ‘Most of the stuff I was wearing today was just costume jewelry, not valuable but this, was my Grandmas engagement ring.’ I slide the ring off and show it to Ellana. It’s a simple white gold band with a beautiful cut sapphire in the middle._

_‘As for missing things in the future, well I had friends, Lucy was my best but other than that I didn’t really have many roots. I traveled a lot so didn’t own a home or pet.’ I shrug and finish my story ‘What about you?’_

_‘Yes, I miss my clan so much. I guess you understand, when I say my life has been turned upside down’ I nod in understanding._

_She gives me my ring back and quickly stands up and heads over to her bedside table, gathering up the daggers I had seen her move earlier in the day. ‘Here’ as she hands one to me. ‘These belonged to the previous head hunter of Clan Lavellan who was also my grandfather.’_

_‘They are beautiful’ I say as I study the intricately carved hilt and beautifully crafted blade._

_‘Once all this is over I can go back to my clan and when I become head hunter, I’ll finally be able to use these daggers.’_

_As she finishes her story I can’t help but feel my heart break a little inside. I know that she will never be able to use the daggers, at least not dual-wielding as she does now._

_‘What a pair we make, here’s to having the worst luck in Thedas and Earth respectively’ I say and raise my goblet to try and lighten the mood._

_‘Cheers’ Ellana grins at my summary of our situations and we tap the wine goblets we are using._

_‘Who is drinking wine without me?’ Dorian says as he unceremoniously bursts through the door._

_‘Did, did we just summon him?’ I look down at my wine goblet with mock awe and Ellana laughs._

_‘No my darlings but it is very rude not to invite the most handsome man in Thedas to any little soirees when he is in town.’ He states archly before continuing. ‘Luckily for you I have brought fresh supplies’ and with that he procures another 2 bottles of wine from his robes._

_‘How did you fit both of those in there?’ I ask in wonder ‘Is it like the Tardis, bigger on the inside?’_

_‘I don’t know what the Tardis is but I can assure you it is not as fabulous as me. Now where we were before I rudely interrupted?’_

_‘Speaking of interrupting Dorian. Don’t they teach you to knock in Tevinter?  We could have been in a state of undress, they already are saying that you are the Heralds blood-mage lover and wouldn’t that just add fuel to the fire.’_

_‘Oh pish, let them talk. Despite you both being lovely creatures I’m afraid you just aren’t my type. Besides I have already seen Thea practically naked anyway.’_

_I grimace at the memory of earlier and bury my head in my knees again. Ellana and Dorian continue the ribbing, delighting in my discomfort._

_‘Oh but did you see the look on the poor Commanders face’ ‘Haha I know!’ ‘I didn’t know if he was going to run her through with his sword, or run her through with his other sword’ I groan at the truly awful innuendo. ‘That’s a good one Dorian, you should tell that to Varric, he will want it for his next book.’_

_‘Really?’ I finally get the courage to face my companions but they just laugh at how red with embarrassment I have gone._

_‘Oh no Dorian we have gone too far. Mythal’s blessing you aren’t a virgin are you Thea?’_

_‘What, no. Just. I have body confidence issues at the best of times never mind when I angrily decide to strip in front of a group of strangers.’_

_‘Why do you have confidence issues darling? I was going to ask what they put in the water where you’re from to make you look like that.’ I shake my head at the implied compliment. ‘Well I was really lanky up until University, you know tall and slim. Anyways, then I filled out and I guess I wasn’t in the most healthy relationship at the time and he made it very apparent this’ I swipe my hand loosely over my body, ‘is not desirable.’_

_‘Well first he sounds like an idiot, are you in this relationship now?’_

_‘Heavens no, he was controlling and just awful, I’ve been single for about three years.’ Dorian nodded his approval and then continued._

_‘Secondly, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You may think you are undesirable but in Thedas my dear with your height and those, those.’_

_‘Fun-bags, tits, bosoms?’_

_‘Yes thank you Ellana, you have been spending too much time with Sera. With those assets you look like a fine Orlesian Painting or, as it unfortunately has been the case, rather like a desire demon.’_

_‘Well, thank you. Anyways I don’t want to talk about me, we’ll be doing enough of that over the next couple of days whilst my interrogation continues I’m sure.’_

_‘Very well but one more serious point first. Solas and I confirmed earlier today, and as we alluded to before, you are in fact a mage.’ I gawk unrestrained with his declaration. ‘Well not exactly, you have magic but you aren’t a mage. It hasn’t manifested yet. Most of the time magic manifests by the early teenage years. It is weak when you are born you see and then poof becomes strong enough to cross the veil.’_

_I am stunned into silence briefly ‘Okay, I mean there is no magic and or veil where I’m from so it’s not surprising that I haven’t manifested yet.’ Dorian nods at my correct use of the terminology ‘but what does that mean when it does.’_

_‘Well, we honestly aren’t sure but it should be quite the show’ Dorian idly responds and I can feel myself pale. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll be there when you do.’ Ellana soothes and I down the rest of my goblet to try and calm my nerves._

_‘Now Ellana dear, do tell us what is going on between yourself and our resident hedge-mage?’ I can feel myself relax as the focus shifts over to Ellana and she begins to fumble her words. At least it seems like I will have good friends in Thedas._

My quiet reflection was disturbed by what I quickly realized was a group of people talking in French, no it must be Orlesian. ‘Funny how some things have crossed over’ I mutter to myself before beginning to pick up on the conversation. They certainly were not trying to be quiet.

  
‘Le Héraut, une oreille-de-couteau? Quelle blague!’ ‘Oui, elle devrait être brûlée comme hérétique.’

 _‘The Herald a Knife-Ear, a joke. Burned as a Heretic!’_ I translate the conversation in my head and quickly decide that I am still more than angry enough to confront whoever these idiots are.

 

‘Hey!’ I step forward towards the small group of three. Two, the females I don’t recognize but the third is Roderick. ‘How dare you speak about The Herald like that? She has saved your lives!’

 

‘You understand us do you child?’ Roderick begins in his pompous tone ‘I’m surprised that a heathen like you would even know the superior tongue. Tell me, what do you know of these Chantry matters?’

‘I know that if the people were to hear you had called their saviour a knife-ear Heretic you would be rightly mobbed’ I challenge back at the old man.

‘You dare threaten a Chancellor!’ Roderick steps forward and raises his hand as if to strike and I instantly cover my face to defend myself.

 

Before I can feel an impact I hear a small noise of skin hitting metal and I look up to see that Cullen has blocked the Chancellors strike with his gauntlet.

 

‘You will not lay a hand on her’ he states with a calm, but very real threat.

‘Commander, this heathen was blaspheming in the Chantry. You serve the Maker I demand-‘

‘Chancellor, we have had just about enough of your demands. All I heard the Lady do was defend her friend and you move to strike her.’ He pauses as if to hear a contradiction, but of course none comes. ‘She is currently preparing provisions for the many refugees in Haven, which I would say was the Makers work. Perhaps you and your fellow lay sisters should follow her example and tend to your people instead of harassing them?’

The Chancellor steals his hand away and storms out of the Chantry followed by the two sisters.

 

‘Lady Amalthea I was hoping to speak to you’ but I put my hand up to cut him off. I am done with trying to be professional towards this man.

‘Firstly, thank you for that’ and I gesture towards the Chantry door.

‘Secondly what part of never speak to me again did you not understand?’

‘Please let me explain.’

‘No, you had your chance to explain when you first accosted me in the forest. I forgave you and asked to be treated courteously in return. But the minute I did something else which offended you, you were right back to being an asshole. Since arriving in Haven you have treated me with unwarranted disrespect, questioned my very humanity and lastly accused me of being a slut!

I can’t think of any other way you could possibly offend me but I really don’t want to give you the chance to try so please… Just save your breath and leave.’

 

He at least has the courtesy of looking mortified by my accusations but doesn’t move to correct me, instead he bows slightly and leaves.

I sit back on the floor by my bundles and sob slightly ‘God I hate conflict.’

I smirk to myself as a funny thought crosses my mind. ‘Huh, God. Guess I am blaspheming in a Chantry after all.’

 

* * *

 

The Herald returned last night with Warden Blackwall in tow which meant that today was the day.

The mages had arrived two days ago and with some combined instruction from Solas and the Grand Enchanter Fiona they were ready to tackle the breach.

I had spent the last few days working tirelessly on the refugee packs. I didn’t have a good idea of the numbers I would need but I had made just under 250. ‘But they aren’t ‘refugee packs’ are they, they are evacuation packs’ I think to myself gloomily. My thoughts had turned dark the day prior knowing what was about to come and how much hurt I could be preventing. But every time I considered telling the truth, even to give an earlier warning I reminded myself that any potential changes could have disastrous consequences.

‘It’s ok, Cole will tell them in time. I will help as many people get to the Chantry as possible before the Dragon shows up and with the extra prepared supplies we at least won’t have people dying of exposure on the hike. Freak out later’

I had given myself several such pep talks and did so now as I waited and watched the breach above Haven.

There was a bright flash of light and I felt the ground shake as a sonic wave washed over us. It was done. People were cheering, crying and hugging. All I could do was paint a fake smile on my face while inside I felt my soul being crushed.

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as the alarm bells ring I spring into action. First I head towards the gates to overhear the shouted orders from the Commander. ‘So far so good’ I thought. I then spend the next few minutes quickly shouting at refugees and non-combatants to head to the Chantry, ignoring the noises of the battle even as preemptive cheers go up after the first avalanche.

When I heard a screech overhead followed by the explosion of what I presumed to be the Trebuchet I run as quickly as I can to my shared Cabin. I pull out from under my bed my own wrapped bundle which I had prepared just an hour before. It contained the usual rations but I also stowed away my pink sneakers and Ellana’s prized daggers.

 

As I step out of the cabin the fires are alarmingly close and I gag at the mangled bodies I can see down towards the gates. Covering my mouth with one hand I run with my eyes closed to try and further dull my senses. I trip over when I reach the bottom step of the chantry but am dragged up in an instant. The Commander is pulling me towards the Chantry doors while I am half-dumb and senseless to the destruction around me. He herds me inside without a look back and begins calling out for the remaining stragglers.

 

Taking a step forward I look to the rear of the Chantry and see scores of people huddling. I move so I can observe the conversation closer to the chantry doors, I don’t need to hear the words that I know will be spoken. I see Roderick being helped in by Cole, then the desperate discussion between the Commander, Cole and the Herald and the grim acquiescence of the plan hastily put in place.

 

As my best friend in Thedas walks back out of the doors, with Bull, Blackwall and Solas in tow I feel myself begin to choke on my emotions. ‘Oh Ellana, I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you this pain.’

My presence of mind momentarily returns as the Commander begins issuing orders for the evacuation, I don’t know how he can remain calm amongst the sea of desperate faces.

 

‘Freak out later’ I say angrily to myself and walk towards the back of the Chantry.

‘Commander, the Refugee packs. We should take them.’ I can see his mind considering my suggestion only for a moment before he nods quickly and moves to give the instructions to his soldiers. As the crowd begins to make their way through the rear exit of the Chantry, each provided for as well as I could have managed all I can do is stand and look back towards the main Chantry doors.

 

A soldier, Rylen I think, grabs my arm and again I am pulled along.

I feel like the world’s most despicable coward as I make my way out of the back of the Chantry and into the snowy night.


	6. Look to the North

**Cullen POV**

 

As soon as the flare goes up those who have fled Haven begin to despair. They know, as I know, that our savior has just sacrificed herself for us and the dragon flying off is another knife in the heart of what remains of the Inquisition. Myself and Leliana begin to organize the remaining troops and scouts in order to best clear a path for the other survivors, we were determined not to let her sacrifice be in vain.

 

After a few hours of hiking we set up a small temporary camp to allow for some rest. It’s still several hours till dawn and although I hate to leave us this exposed on the mountainside, the people can no longer walk.  Thankfully the supplies that Thea had the foresight to prepare help immeasurably, the sticks and blankets are tied together to make windbreakers and provide some much needed shelter. I hate to think how many more of the injured, elderly and children we may have lost to exposure without them.

I see her moving amongst the survivors, handing out more blankets or rations and somehow keeping positive despite our bleak prospects. More than once when people try to thank her she tells them not to, to thank the Herald instead, that she knows the Herald made it out alive and they should keep faith. I admire her conviction then, the grim part of mind thinks that she is just deluding herself, not accepting that she has lost her friend but I can’t help the small spark of hope she keeps alive in my chest. At one point she trips over the snow and I can’t help but smirk slightly at her shocked expression and flake covered hair, falling out of its braid around her face.

One of Leliana’s scouts interrupts my reflections with news of a possible site for a more suitable encampment, about another half a day’s hike away. The Advisors quickly discuss and agree we need to head out within the next hour and I move to instruct my men to begin preparing.

I see Thea talking quickly to Rylen but she moves away as I approach, after I have delivered to him our newest instructions he quickly follows up with an unusual request. ‘Commander, request to leave the fires burning?’

‘Rylen the fires will be out the moment the windbreakers go down and we should cover our tracks in case the enemy army use them to follow.’

‘Sir, it would be a good sign for the people. That we were leaving a trail for the Herald to follow if she made it out.’ He trails off in his answer but I do consider his request.

Truthfully any army of that size would have their own scouts and would be able to follow fires or no, plus if there had been any of the enemy following with the time they had already taken to rest they would have been overrun already so, it probably couldn’t hurt.

‘Very well, I still want the fires putting out but you can leave the embers uncovered.’ With that we move out and begin the second leg of our flight from Haven.

 

* * *

 

 

As dusk approaches the day after our escape I see Thea begin to pace at the edge of our encampment. With the exception of the strange boy who warned us of the Templar's attack she is the only one left who is still confident the Herald will find her way back to us. After two hours of her pacing I approach the Lady with Cassandra in tow, telling the latter it’s to check the perimeter but in truth I just want to see if she is ok.

As we approach I see her turn around and look between us and back out to the darkening horizon. She turns and begins walking towards us, our shoulders are almost touching and she pauses.

‘Keep watch’ she says quietly for my ears only. She gives me a firm but pleading look, letting me know that her words are not a request. My breath comes short at her proximity or perhaps it’s just the cold and she walks back towards the central fires.

 

After a check of the perimeter with Cassandra she begins to head back leaving me on the edge of the camp. I spot a flash of green as a small figure makes its way over the last snow drift and then I see them fall to their knees. I don’t know what I shout as I sprint out into the night, the rest of my actions are also blurred by the sea of activity that suddenly surrounds me and I only regain my composure after the Herald is placed in the healers’ tent.

Solas and the other healers begin their work at once. As soon as the Herald is confirmed as stable, with a dislocated shoulder and bruising only I step outside of the stifling space. 

 

I see Thea walk away from the camp towards surrounding forest with a look of anguish on her face. I think she must assume the Herald won’t survive and I so I move to tell her the news that she is stable but Varric catches me before I can.

‘Give Moonshine some time Curly. I’m sure she’ll be back soon.’

‘Yes,’ I quickly agree to Varric’s assessment ‘plus we aren’t on the best terms at the moment, I doubt she would want to speak to me in any case.’

‘A lovers tiff?’

‘What no!’ I sputter out at the implication but of course Varric is just teasing which is apparent as soon as he begins to laugh at my reddening face.

‘Who’s had a lover’s tiff?’ I groan as I see Dorian and Bull make their way over towards us.

‘Oh just Curly and Moonshine’ Varric happily responds deepening my embarrassment.

‘Really?’ Dorian arches his eyebrow. ‘That does explain the kicked puppy look you have had on your face every time you catch a glimpse of her. Last I heard she had some very choice words to say about you, very descriptive. This Earth she is from really does have some colorful insults.’

‘Hey, you can’t blame the boss for trying. If she was a red-head I’d be looking to get on her good side too.’

‘Ugh, you’re an animal.’

‘That I am. What about you Vint, fancy a ride on the Bull?’

For once I am relieved the ribbing isn’t aimed at me as I see Dorian splutter in incoherent offence and stomp away. Deciding to try and continue the deflection I unusually ask Varric a question.

‘Why Moonshine?’

‘It’s a good one right?’ Varric grins in approval at his own choice of nickname. ‘Mainly because most of the things she comes out with you would have to be wasted on Moonshine to invent. My favourite are the air-carts that carry hundreds of people that fly through the sky.’ He shakes his head to show his disbelief ‘my readers would never think it possible even in a fantasy novel. But it’s also a bit of a throwback nickname to one of my happy Kirkwall memories.’

Varric postures to begin his story and I notice a few of the other Haven survivors listen in as he begins to spin his tale.

‘This one time Isabella smuggled in a really potent variety of the stuff, Maker-knows what it was cut with. Anyways a few shot’s later and we are all so far gone we headed up to Hightown, one the Free-Marcher nobles had a house there, Trevelyan I think, with a truly awful prancing horse statue outside the gates. Anyways Hawke and Merril were convinced it was a Unicorn and kept trying to feed it apples and ask it for wishes, and no, I don’t know where the apples came from. The following day we walked back over there and saw the servants cleaning away what must have been over a hundred apples all smooshed into the things face.’

I smirk despite myself, make my farewells to Varric and Bull and return to work with the Advisors. With the Herald alive we can now focus on what our next steps will be and it will give me a much needed distraction from the sparkling eyes I can’t stop thinking about.

 

* * *

 

 

Shortly after the Herald wakes we have a plan to move forward and so begin to dismantle the makeshift camp. The hike, Solas estimates, will take around three days with so many civilians and I am once again thankful that most people were able to bring their own provisions.

‘I really do need to thank Thea for that idea.’ The thought strikes me as I didn’t remember seeing her return to camp in the hours following the Heralds recovery and so begin a quick lap about to try and find her.

‘Commander, have you seen Thea anywhere, did she make it out of the Chantry?’ The Herald herself questions me when I look into her tent to see if Thea is hiding out of the cold with her friend.

‘She did yes and no I have not. I will find her and tell her you are looking for her. Please continue to rest and we will let you know when we are ready to move.’

 

‘She didn’t come back’ a sudden voice answers my unasked question. I see it is the boy from earlier, what was his name again? ‘Are you talking about Lady Thea? Do you know where she is?’ He turns his cool eyes from me and responds.

‘She is hurting, she just wanted to help, like me. She did help, but not enough for her.’

‘Is she hurt? Please which direction is she in?’ I begin to panic thinking she could be lying out in the snow somewhere, she did trip earlier, and maybe she had been injured and hadn’t told anyone. ‘She is hurt, but not like Roderick was. She is over there.’ At last he points in a direction away from the camp, the same way she went the night before and I head that way at once forgetting about the boy instantly.

 

I walk fast and am not sure how far from camp I have traveled when I begin to hear singing. I hadn’t heard the Lady sing before but it must be her and I pick up the pace. As I near I begin to make out the lyrics and tone of the unfamiliar song.

 

_I wear this crown of thorns_

_Upon my liars chair_

_Full of broken thoughts_

_I cannot repair_

Her voice is not the high soprano I would have expected but a smoky alto. All the emotions she is feeling and must have felt during the last day pour out from her words and roll into the surrounding forest. I finally see her and she looks half buried in the snow, still as a statue except for the loosened strands of her chestnut hair whipping about her face.

 __  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt

As she trails off her singing I see her shoulders shake. I know she is upset and that my approach is probably unwelcome so decide to let her know about her friend, thinking it will be welcome news.

‘The Herald is awake and is asking for you’ I say as softly as I am able.

She initially gives no indication that she has heard me and continues to look out into the snow.

 

‘I, can’t face Ellana right now.’ She meekly replies and I don’t understand why she so withdrawn. A day ago this was the woman helping him to rally the remaining survivors. Her optimism that the Herald would return was a beacon to them all, I try a different approach.

 

‘Lady Thea, I know you asked me not to speak to you again but I must thank you for your help the past days. If I had b’

‘Don’t, don’t thank me. You should be blaming me. This is all my fault.’

 

‘How in the void could this ever have been your fault?’

‘Because I knew’ she wailed. I am momentarily stunned at her outburst, I understand the implication of her words but I need to be sure.

‘How, how did you know that attack would happen?’ I am trying hard to keep my tone nonthreatening despite the first pangs of betrayal I feel.

 

‘The same way I know we are heading to a fortress in the North called Skyhold. The same way I know what happened during the blight. The same way I know about your Lyrium…’ She trails off but I can tell she was going to say withdrawal.

 

‘You’re a spy. A spy for the enemy?’ Despite my question I already know it is a statement of fact in my mind

‘No, no I’m not a spy.’

‘Then how do you know these things?’

‘You wouldn’t believe me or even understand if I tried to tell you.’

‘Try’ this time I do not hide the threat from my voice and I move my hand to the pommel of my sword.

 

She shakes her head and sighs ‘how do I even start?’ she takes another pause and I am already beginning to think how best to apprehend her without harming her. The Herald will probably want to pass judgement herself.

She stands and begins to pace. ‘Where I’m from ‘Dragon Age’ are a series of stories, but stories with multiple endings. Certain events and characters remain the same but other things can be changed depending on what decisions are made. When I arrived in Redcliffe it took a while to figure out where I was but then I saw Varric and I remembered him, not only from the story of the Inquisition but also the Champion of Kirkwall’s story.’

She continues her explanation without my interruption while I continue to listen to her in utter disbelief. ‘When I realized the mages had been recruited I knew it wouldn’t be long before the Templar’s retaliation. The attack on Haven is one of the Inquisitions defining moments. It has to happen so that Corypheus can see the Herald and see that the anchor is useless to him. I knew, that assuming everything happened as it should she would escape through the mine shaft and find her way out.’

It was exactly as the Herald had described to them.

 

She pauses her rambling to look over at me but the hardened expression on my face gives her no comfort. ‘But I couldn’t, couldn’t let so many people just die. So I tried to help without changing anything important. I am not an enemy of the Inquisition, I shouldn’t even be here and now I’m just trying to help without fucking everything up.’ Her tears are falling freely now, but any sympathy I once held for this girl in a new land has gone, replaced by anger and indignation.

 

‘If you wanted to stop people from dying you have failed, miserably.  We have lost over half our army and you expect me to believe that it HAD to happen. That we are just on a path of pre-determined events. Why didn’t you tell us from the beginning?’

‘You wouldn’t have believed me.’

‘We would have –‘

‘No, Cullen. You didn’t even think I was human. If I had begun to reveal all your darkest secrets, to prove that I knew what was to occur I would have been killed or worse.’

‘At least that is the truth.’ I bitterly concede.

‘I never meant anyone any harm.’

She looks over at me again with those same pleading eyes as before but after a moment kneels in resignation. I still have more questions than I can count but now is not the time.

 

‘What will you do with me?’

‘For now, nothing.’ She looks up at me with her tear streaked face in confusion and I continue. ‘This discussion isn’t over, at present I have scores of survivors of the attack I need to consider and they will remain the priority till we get to this ‘Skyhold’ as you have called it. I don’t know if you are a spy, a threat, lying or just insane but I do know that you are harmless.

You said to me that least once in your life someone has to give you the benefit of doubt and I am now extending that courtesy to you.’

 

I begin to walk away, ‘Cullen’ she calls over to me.

‘No one else can know’ I don’t respond. Turning away and continuing my return to camp, a cold feeling settling in my heart.


	7. Leave the World to Mourn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 Chapters in 2 days!

**Thea POV**

 

The few days hike to Skyhold are some of the most miserable of my life, not because of the physicality of it but because of the self-pity I still found myself wallowing in.

‘Stupid, stupid girl’ I chide myself for the eleven-hundredth time for my slip up. I had been reeling from the Haven attack. Holding myself together, telling myself not to ‘freak-out’ until I knew that Ellana had survived. As soon as she came over that snowdrift and I heard Cullen’s shout of rescue it was like the flood gates opened in my mind.

Everything I had been feeling, that I had bottled up from my weeks in Thedas began to spill out. Of course the Commander with his misguided chivalry came to find me, of course he tried to thank ME for what I had done since the attack and of course that was the final crack in dam and I told him everything! There was probably no one worse in Thedas I could have told my secret to than the man who had been mistrusting since day one and who seemed to be determined to find a reason to have me in chains.

What he did next was a surprise. Leaving me be, giving me a chance to atone, at least for now was not a mercy I expected from him. Of course he left his implied threat open-ended, hence why for the past week during the hike and arrival at Skyhold I felt like I was living on borrowed time.

The one glimmer of hope I felt was a few days ago. Ellana and Solas returned after another secluded walk together and promptly told the Advisors and Inner circle that this fortress we were all witnessing for the first time was called Skyhold. I kept my face neutral but felt Cullen’s hard gaze settle on me for an uncomfortable amount of time after the Heralds admission. For those few brief moments I felt vindicated and the relief washed over me.

 

‘Lady Amalthea, a word?’ Cullen approached about three weeks after our arrival once a good portion of the repairs were complete and most people were settled in the castle proper. I felt myself pale in fear as he led me to a recently cleared and very unoccupied lower room of one of the towers. During the walk I kept my mind occupied with cheery thoughts. ‘This is it then, I will go into this room and never be seen again. I hope its quick and he hasn’t told Leliana, I don’t fancy torture.’

The dark comedy in my mind halted when Cullen closed the door behind me and slid the bolt across.

 

He walked further into the sparse room, a few sconces with lit torches providing the only light and warmth and turned his cold stare to me.

‘Start by explaining what ‘events’ you know about’ he begins unceremoniously. I fidget my Grandmothers ring and very quickly summarize what I know about the Blight, the Hero, I leave out the dark ritual for now. He remains impassive apart from a slight grimace when I mention Kinloch hold although I skip over the details regarding his presence there.

‘Then there was the events in Kirkwall, I or rather the story followed Hake and her family. I know about the Qunari invasion, the blood mages the escalating tensions between Mages and Templars and then when it all went to shit after the explosion.’

‘How do I know you are telling the truth about Kirkwall, most of what you have said was in Varric’s book?’

‘Ok’ I quickly rack my brain for something to convince him with. ‘I haven’t read Varric’s book but, erm, when you first met the Champion you were interrogating a recruit that turned into an abomination, one of many who ended up being kidnapped and possessed. I know about Alrik’s Tranquil solution, I know Hawke has fought Corypheus before and that’s why she is on her way-‘ he raises his hand to stop me.

 

‘What of me?’ He says quietly but his eyes glint dangerously. ‘Cullen, I don’t think that’s wise’ I trail off but he retorts. ‘You will not keep secrets from me and you will not presume to know me. Tell me what you know, now.’

I flinch at his demanding tone. Once again his attitude stirs my anger, so I begin and I don’t hold back.

‘Very well Commander Cullen Stanton Rutherford. Sibling to Mia, Branson and Rosealie was first stationed in Kinloch hold following your vigil. After Uldred’s uprising you were transferred to Kirkwall. You quickly became Knight-Captain and most recently left the order at which point you also stopped taking Lyrium.’

‘Any good spy could tell you that, it doesn’t explain’

‘I thought you wanted to know ALL I know, let me finish.’ Yet again this man was pushing all the wrong buttons with me and I wanted to spite him. I begin to stalk forwards while I continue my rant.

‘You carry a coin your brother gave you ‘for luck’ on the day you left for Templar training. You have claustrophobia which is why you will never fix the hole in your new office roof. You constantly blame yourself for not spotting the madness of Meredith sooner. Your nightmares are worsening because of the withdrawal.’

‘That’s enough-‘but I cut him off again, too incensed to hear him.

‘They used the likeness of your first love to torture you. To offer you her, a family with her, to tempt you into accepting them by showing you a future you will never have!’

 

I wanted to be pleased with myself at bringing such a man almost to his knees with just my cold, surgical words. His look of horror should have been a triumph but I just felt pity for him, shame and disgust at myself. That I kept letting him get under my skin in a way no one else had ever managed and had drove me to voice the cruelest of thoughts which were not mine to share.

 

After several minutes during which time I remained silent and he paced the room, occasionally pinching the bridge of his nose or looking over to me with a mixture of hurt and indignation, he finally spoke again ‘what of the future?’

‘I cannot and will not tell you that. Not even if you send me to the dungeons.’

‘Why not, you seem to delight in revealing others secrets so why not reveal those of our enemy?’

I sigh and look at him tiredly, trying to think of a way to explain.

‘Commander you play chess.’ I see him bristle at my revelation of another fact about himself but ignore him and continue. ‘Imagine you knew the exact moves and outcome of every chess game. If you knew how to win, you would never risk changing the moves. If you change even one move, even if you think it would shorten the game or give a more decisive win it is no longer the same game and victory is no longer assured. So imagine chess but there are hundreds of pieces in the game. That is the Inquisition, I know we _can_ win, but only if I stick to the moves I know. As it is I am already an extra piece and I don’t know if that is going to change anything.’ I briefly cover my face and rub my eyes. Letting out a sigh I let my hand fall and look him back in the eye. ‘Please tell me you understand.’

I see his mind working, brow furrowing in concentration. Several times he looks like he is about to ask another question but stops himself and goes back to pacing until at least he speaks.

 

‘Based on what the Herald has said I believe you when you say that nothing would have stopped Corypheus in seeking out the Anchor, that Haven was unavoidable.’ He begins walking towards me and I step back in time with him until my back hits the wall.

‘As much as it pains me you are also correct with your other assertions, at least those regarding me.’ He looks at me again, he’s closer now and I can help but study his face as he approaches. His whiskey eyes darken in the limited torchlight but I can’t read what emotions lie in their depths.

‘I have previously treated you with distrust for no reason. All your actions to date have only been for the benefit of the Inquisition and so I _will_ trust you. However’

Although he wasn’t touching me I was now pinned against the wall as he leaned over and spoke venomously in my ear. ‘If I think you are a threat or no longer have the Inquisitions best interest at heart I will cut you down myself.’ He looks at me one last time and a small gasp of anticipation, or is it fear causes my lips to part. He flicks his eyes down to them momentarily, noticing them and my flushed cheeks but then quickly moves aside and steps out of the door.

 

Even though he has left the room I daren’t move to leave. I feel unsteady and so instead take deep breaths to calm my heart rate. I try to examine my emotions, the adrenaline I could feel in my veins wasn’t just from fear. His promise of retribution should he deem me to have failed in his trust wasn’t an empty one but I can’t live under a threat like this.

 

‘I have to find a way home. The amulet, Dorian, yes I need to speak to Dorian.’ With a task in mind for me to focus on I push off the wall and head out of the door towards the newly refurbished library. My study of the emotions I was feeling, and the look I saw in the Commanders eyes as he studied my face would have to wait.

 

* * *

 

Finding people in Skyhold is a lot easier than it should be thanks to my in game knowledge. I head quickly to the Library through the door in what will soon be Solas’ rotunda and head up.

‘Thea, what brings you to this sorry excuse for a Library’ Dorian welcomes me whilst not looking up from his study of the tomes on the shelf.

‘Can we speak somewhere privately?’ I hesitantly suggest. Although I have nothing to be fearful of with my questions I am still aware that to all but the most trusted in the Inquisition I am just any other refugee and my other worldly status needs to remain a secret.

‘Of course, this place was depressing me in any case. I must send off for some proper magic and theological books.’ His grumbling and idle talk continues as we make our way through the grand hall and over to the mostly cleared garden. It is still in a sorry state, with broken statues and weeds everywhere but that at least means that it is also currently deserted.

 

‘Now, what can I help with?’

‘I want to know if I’ll ever be able to go home’ this is the perfect time for bluntness I think although Dorian does seem surprised at the change in my normal playful and flirty tone.

‘Well, I had been giving this some thought on our charming walk here if you must know. If you want to return home the same way you came, using Alexius’ amulet to open a portal then I’m afraid the answer is no.’

‘Oh’ I don’t try to hide the disappointment I feel.

‘That’s not to say there aren’t other options that we have yet to discover or explore but the amulet only worked because of the breach. Whether it was the large amount of energy pouring through it or because it had removed a portion of the veil I’m not sure but no-breach, no way home.’

‘I see’ my mind is reeling. ‘Okay, thank you Dorian.’

‘Is that all that is the matter dear? This request about going home seems to have come from nowhere, are you sure nothing, or perhaps no one else has ruffled your feathers.’

‘haha, you’re damn observant. There is something else but I promise you I am fine.’ He looks thoroughly unimpressed with my response.

‘Honestly, I am fine. If there is ever anything at all the matter you will be the first to know and if that thing is ever caused by a certain ‘one’ I give you permission to set them on fire.’

‘Very well, keep your secrets. I’ll weedle them out of you eventually. Drinks later?’

‘Sounds good’ I head back to my tent for some much needed alone time. Truthfully Dorian’s news isn’t as bad as I was expecting.

 

As soon as I am safely behind my canvas I begin to think out loud.

‘Right, how long till the final fight with Corypheus?’ the in game timeline was almost non-existent and fast travel made going to somewhere like the Hissing Wastes take seconds rather than the potential weeks or more in reality.

‘It must only be two to three years at the most right. I can do that’ I nod to myself and begin to plan. ‘Hang about here, make myself useful, and don’t piss off the Commander. Simple! Then in a couple of years when Corypheus re-opens the breach I will ask Dorian to recreate the spell that sent me here.’

I let out a pleased hum of approval and begin replaying over my encounter with the Commander earlier in the day, I knew I needed to examine my own behaviour and emotions during our conversation .

I had felt hot under his intense gaze and it wasn’t an entirely uncomfortable burn but felt more like an all over itch that I wanted to scratch. I also couldn’t bring myself admit just how much of a thrill I felt run down my spine when he spoke into my ear. He may have been threatening my life but with his tone, and his hot breath on my ear, even if he had been reciting the phone book I would have had that reaction.

‘Stupid girl’ I huff as I say out loud, knowing my mind should not be heading down that path. ‘I will think of him no more.’ So instead I lay down on my cot and decide to have a nice nap in order to feel refreshed for my date at the Tavern with Dorian later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't been leaving excessive notes but i do have a question for you readers. Would any of you be awfully offended if i increased the rating on this fic? I am having so much fun writing these two idiots and honestly can see this story getting a lot more graphic as things progress but don't want to exclude anyone who may be uncomfortable with smut.
> 
> Thanks again for all your support


	8. A Pale Moon is Rising

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, Thank you again for everyone who has shown support for this fic. The feedback i received after the last chapter was very helpful and so you will notice the rating and tags changing soon but the burn will continue for at least another...8 or so chapters yet.  
> Secondly, apologies for the butchering of Thedas lore!
> 
> As always, i own nothing.

Thea POV

 

‘What did I drink?’ I groan and lean over to collect the small water skin on the edge of my travel table. I was putting off moving into the castle for now as at least this way I had my own space. I knew once I moved in I would probably be in the large shared dormitory type accommodation where most of the surviving Haven population were now residing.

I knew I was drinking a bit too heavily last night but it seemed like a better idea than worrying about the Commanders threat and being stuck in Thedas for three-ish years.

‘Three years’ I sobbed as I fell back onto my bed, for the first time since arriving I felt truly homesick. I missed just about everything, my friends, my bed, my work, Lucy’s stupid Cat and at that exact moment I missed painkillers more than all of the above. If I survived being cooped up here for that length of time, and all goes swimmingly there was still no guarantee the spell would work correctly. That Alexius seemed to have expected me for a while before I actually appeared suggested something had gone awry and then if I even made it home what year would it be? If I’m missing for three years would I have been declared dead, or will only minutes have passed.

‘Ugh, I should have read more theories around time travel’ I mutter into my pillow.

I decide to head over to the communal bathhouse, no more sharing with the Herald, now Inquisitor, meant no more servants bringing me my hot water.

 

After a long and much needed soak I begin to head back, cutting through the keep as I didn’t want to catch a cold with my loose wet hair, I was actually surprised I hadn’t been ill yet. Although my science was rusty I was sure that exposure to this new worlds bacteria, not to mention the more questionable hygiene and 5 day walk across a mountainside would have landed me with at least the sniffles.

Crossing through the rotunda I hear Solas shout over to me and so stop to talk with him.

Truthfully I had been avoiding him slightly because of the whole Dread-Wolf thing and my inability to keep a straight face. Plus I had played this romance and although I didn’t want to interfere, it seemed as though Ellana was heading in the same direction as my poor Inquisitor Lavellan.

 

‘Hi Solas, what are you working on?’

‘I intend to document the journey of the Inquisitor, do you paint?’

‘A little, but I am a jack of all trades and a master of none, I’d hate to even consider something on this scale’ I answer truthfully. The benefit of a modern education was that I was passable at Science, Mathematics, Art, Music and some Modern Languages. I had done well at school, getting into a prestigious University to study business but due to my Grandfathers death and one not-so healthy relationship I hadn’t come out with the highest honors at that level.

‘That is a most unusual but insightful turn of phrase, is everyone where you are from such philosophers?’

‘Solas, always the academic’ I think cheekily. ‘Not at all, and I can’t claim to have invented that expression either. I’m sure I will come across very witty and intelligent but I won’t say so myself as I know all my insights are plagiarized.’

‘Truly? Your foresight in regarding travelling provisions for people of Haven proved to be most wise. Had you had other experiences fleeing from marching armies?’

‘Haha’ I laugh to deflect, not liking how close to the truth this elf was hitting. Between myself and Lucy we must have ‘fled’ Haven 6 times. ‘No, I have not even seen an army before. That was just a mixture of my job and luck but I’m glad you approve.’ I try to show that I am done with his line of questioning.

‘The Herald said when you arrived you were dressed as a Unicorn, do such beasts exist in your world?’

‘Nope, they are myths just like Dragons, Griffons and Immortal Elves’ I smirk at his momentary discomfort but quickly continue. ‘They are popular in our culture though, we use the term ‘Unicorn’ to refer to something rare or special. Are Unicorns real in Thedas? Don’t count the bog unicorn, I’ve seen that thing and just, no.’

‘It’s possible’ Solas calmly replies and that does surprise me. ‘They appear in some of the oldest stories of the Ancient Elves, said to bring blessings or grant wishes. The Legend goes that Andruil was jealous of their majesty and hunted them almost to extinction, those that survived fled into the sea and their grace left the land, never to return.’

‘Oh, that’s, a shame. I always wished Unicorns were real.’

‘Alas, it is only a legend, no more real than Andruil or any of the other Elven Gods.’ Dammit he was a good liar but I had already challenged him slightly today with the whole ‘Immortal elves’ line and so just nodded along dumbly.  I needed to be more careful, all I had to do was survive this place till the breach re-opened and I didn’t do that by annoying powerful mages, even before his power up from Mythal he could still burn me to a crisp if he wished.

‘I suppose by your own definition you are in fact a Unicorn.’

‘How so?’ I question Solas’ assertion. ‘Well, as far as we know you are the only person to have ever crossed over into Thedas from your world, I would say that makes you if not special than at the very least unique.’

‘Huh, I hadn’t thought of it like that.’ I grin slightly at the thought of being anything other than average. I make my farewells to Solas and head back towards the comparative peace of my tent.

 

 

‘I suppose I am unique in this world.’ I was pondering Solas’ words and their implication. It was true that although the foresight warned me about the attack on Haven. My plan, the idea, the execution, getting all the parties to agree, that was all me. I knew I just needed to survive for the next couple of years, ‘but maybe I can help more. I sound like Cole.’ Smiling to myself and feeling much more positive since my morning’s laments I arrive back at my tent to find Ellana sitting on my cot.

 

‘Thea!’ She jumps up and hugs me. ‘I feel like I haven’t seen you in an age how are you?’

I laugh at her antics and motion for her to sit back down as I take a seat next to her. ‘I’m not surprised I haven’t seen you, you are the Grand Imperial Herald-ness, her Majesty the Inquisitor now and far too important to be speaking to rabble like me’ I tease and she shoves me playfully at my over-extension of her titles.

‘Creators I know, Herald of Andraste was one thing but they just keep piling on the pressure don’t they. Ahh enough about me I did actually come here to see how you were doing.’

 

‘Well this morning I was feeling a bit homesick’ I begin and she pats my leg in sympathy. ‘But, I think I’m going to try and stay positive and help the inquisition where I can. I am educated, maybe I can help out in the library or something… I don’t know the thought only just occurred to me really.’

Ellana is beaming at me and I am not sure why. ‘Come with me’ she says while standing so I follow her out of my tent and across the courtyard. We arrive at the balcony above the small garden I spoke with Dorian in yesterday and she quickly opens the door.

 

‘This is your new room!’ she waves her arm excitedly in the space as I’m stepping through the threshold. The room is comfortably arranged with a soft looking bed in the middle dividing up the 2 halves. On one side there is a small desk and writing chair adjacent to a chaise-longue with scatter cushions.

The far side of the room has a full length mirror next to a clothes chest and as Ellana moves further into the room she pulls back a privacy screen to show a curved copper bathtub. ‘What do you think?’ she asks despite my open mouthed stare.

‘Ellana, this is too much. I’m fine in my tent honestly, shouldn’t this go to some noble visitors or something?’ I protest weakly whilst trailing my hands over soft cushions and blankets, cooing at their warmth.

‘I’m the Inquisitor now and I decide who gets what rooms. You were there for me for those few days I was feeling low in Haven and I wanted to do something nice for you. Besides we’ve already brought up your things.’ She grins again and opens the chest, it is full of clothes which I assume are mine now and on top of it is the small bundle that I carried with me from Haven, my only worldly possessions.

 

I move to take the bundle out of the chest and sit on the edge of the bed.

‘I still think this is too much but thank you, really Ellana. You have been a better friend then I could have hoped to find.’ I undo the small knot on my bag, fishing out my pink sparkly trainers first, I throw them over next to my clothes chest. Then I pull out a smaller wrapped bundle and hand it over to Ellana.

‘Thank you’ I say one more time while she unwraps the package.

‘My Daggers!’ she has tears in her eyes while she studies the blades in detail, checking that they are in fact hers and not some replica. ‘You saved them from Haven?’

‘Yes I grabbed them while I was fleeing, I knew how much they meant to you and well, there you are.’

 

She hugs them to her chest and sits down on the edge of the bed. After a few moments silence she speaks up, ‘Listen, I have bad news.’

‘ah hah, so this room was just to sweeten the blow.’

‘Unfortunately yes. The inner circle and I are going to be heading out soon and well you’ll be left here. I did want to bring you along but as a non-combatant I was overruled.’

Of course, I think, we couldn’t just play happy castles. She has a job to do, now the repairs are almost complete and she has fully healed she would need to head out.

 

‘How long will you be gone?’

‘Well at the moment we need to go and meet up with Hawke’s contact in Crestwood. There are some Red Lyrium smuggling rings in the in the Hinterlands which we need to investigate and then I wouldn’t mind scouting out some things in the Emerald graves. So possibly up to Three months.’

 

I nod in understanding but begin to feel myself drop into gloom again. ‘That’s why I was so happy when you said you wanted to help out earlier because well, we’ve discussed it and have a plan.’

I don’t interrupt but listen as she details my new role in the Inquisition.

‘We know you can read and write and are really good at organising things so we’d like for you to be a shared assistant between Josephine and the Commander. Jospehine will continue to give you some lessons on Thedas history and etiquette and you will help her draft letters, take notes during her negotiations and cast your eye over any Skyhold based resource questions. It will be much the same for the Commander, you will assist with any requisitions where you can, take notes during his officers meetings and well, there is one other thing.’

I did not like where this was going, had he told the Inquisitor about her? I kept my face as impassive as I could while she continued.

‘The Commander revealed something personal to me and although I’m not at liberty to say what it is I would like you to keep an eye on him. Make sure he eats, sleeps as much as that man ever does sleep and just keep an eye on his well-being. If you have any concerns you can report them to Cassandra when she isn’t out in the field with me. Does all this sound ok?’

 

I sit in thought for a while pondering my new ‘job’ as a nanny for the Commander.

‘I have no qualms working with Josephine, I’m certain I can help her but honestly Ellana, the Commander hates me’ I begin to protest but Ellana just shakes her head.

‘It’s funny he said exactly the same thing about you when I proposed the idea but this is non-negotiable. While I’m gone you will split your time between assisting Josephine and the Commander.’

I sag and Ellana notices my defeat. ‘Just do what you are good at. Organize things, provide a counter viewpoint and keep peoples safety in mind. You aren’t expected to treat with Orlesian nobles alone or train the armies but just help those two where you can.’ I still look at her with skepticism ‘Please Thea, as friend?’

‘Really, you’re playing the friend card?’ I respond in feign outrage but truthfully this won’t be so bad. It will give me a greater platform from which I can implement my own ideas of helping and maybe I can even help steer some of the Inquisitions decisions. ‘I just have to keep things civil with the Commander and all will be well.’ My smile lets Ellana know I have agreed and we drop the subject entirely in exchange for a pleasant gossip.

 

\--

 

The following day Ellana heads out with Varric, Solas and Bull. And I go down to the courtyard to wave them off, despite what she said yesterday she will be taking the Inner Circle in teams, only poor Ellana wouldn’t be getting any rest.

‘You three better take good care of her while you are on the road. If I hear otherwise there will be words when I get back’ I say as threateningly as I can manage but Bull just pats me on the head. ‘Don’t worry Moonshine’ Varric says condescendingly and I glare at him.  

 

I glance up and notice the Commander watching our exchange impassively before stalking off back into his tower.

‘To work’ I think with renewed focus.


	9. Look and See Her

**Cullen POV**

 

The first day of Thea’s new assignment, working in tandem with myself and Josephine is tomorrow and I already feel as if I headache. The last time we had talked a week or so ago was a disaster, despite trying to remain calm that conversation got very heated very quickly. Admittedly I did not handle her admission of prior knowledge and some foresight as well as I could have, but I also can’t believe just how cruel she was, using my nightmares against me so vindictively. They always seemed to leave each other hurt or on a threat and it was not going to make for the best working relationship.

 

I had told the Herald about my decision to stop taking Lyrium in the afternoon of that awful morning and I was ashamed to admit that a large part of the reason was the fear that the Lady had already told her dear friend about my weakness in an effort to undermine me.

But the Herald although shocked and supportive of this venture showed no inclination of having prior knowledge. I almost wished I hadn’t told her now as the next day when the Herald came to see him she proposed having Thea assist him, not only professionally but on a personal level too.

 

‘She doesn’t need to know the details, I’m sure most of the time Josephine will be keeping her busy but just think of her as a safety net.’

‘Herald, she hates me.’

‘Thea doesn’t hate anyone, despite her circumstances I haven’t seen her give one cross word apart from that first day in Haven. In fairness to her you were very rude.’

So the Lady also hadn’t told her friend about their other altercations in the forest, Chantry or on the hike to Skyhold. Was she just trying to save her own standing with the Herald, or was there some other reason?

I had agreed to the Inquisitor’s request of course, albeit reluctantly.

Still since then things seemed to have calmed down between them, if by calmed down he meant completely ignoring each other’s existence. I’d last seen her down in the lower courtyard a few days ago waving off the Inquisitor and her chosen companions and we had briefly made eye contact but I’d turned away quickly. ‘I will not give her the satisfaction’ I had thought grimly whilst returning to my tower.

 

I had thrown myself into my work the past few days, pushing the thought of having her presence forced upon me more than absolutely necessary away from my conscious mind.

Of course my unconscious mind still betrayed me. Perhaps I should be feeling grateful that I was having a reprieve from my nightmares but in truth waking up painfully-hard again after she had visited him in his sleep was a far greater torture.

‘I will not think of her’ I told myself firmly, refusing to give in to my urges and relieve my arousal. Instead while I washed off with cold water, the wind from the hole in my roof blowing over overheated skin I focused on her hurtful words and the painful memories she had voiced.  I snorted at my own stupidity ‘I probably have a greater chance of seducing Varric than I do Thea.’ And with that self-absolution I went about my day.

 

I have my usual morning meeting with my Officers before going to work on the training fields. On the way back I stop by the Undercroft to check in with Harrit about the updates to the main forces uniforms.

‘If only this was a real Unicorn Horn.’ I hear Dagna lament as I walk past her. Glancing over to her work bench I see she is examining what is undoubtedly the Unicorn costume Thea was wearing and then wasn’t wearing in Haven but also what appeared to be a wire wrapped horn complete with what look to be dried flowers, although the colours remained very bright.

‘I wonder where she got that from?’ but then remember that Leliana had mentioned sending some unusual items over to her contact before the fall of Haven.

‘It would be odd if it were. Unicorn’s were only ever a children’s story.’ I hear Harrit gruffly respond to Dagna’s assessment. ‘And besides it wouldn’t be large would it, you would be lucky to get a dagger handle out of one’

‘No no no, you wouldn’t use it for crafting. Legends said that a Unicorn’s horn could cure any disease. Now wouldn’t that be something.’ With that dreamy thought Dagna and Harrit’s conversation trails off and I continue on my business with the smith.

 

\--

 

The following day arrives and unexpectedly Thea is early to the scheduled Officers meeting.

‘Commander, could I please have a moment of your time?’ Her tone is professional but not cold and I gesture for her to begin.

‘I think perhaps, given our history we could just clear the air before the other Officers arrive, it would seem odd if there was a very obvious animosity between us.’

‘I’m not sure there is much to say Lady Amalthea, we have both behaved poorly in our encounters and although mutual apologies are probably in order they will only fall on deaf ears. I am watching you for signs of betrayal and you are watching me for signs of weakness in my withdrawal. We are always going to be suspicious of one another so why should we pretend otherwise?’

She sighs at my summary of our current predicament. ‘For your men Commander, for Morale and the Inquisition. I don’t know what you think of me and I’m certain you don’t know what I think about you b-‘

‘I beg your pardon but I know exactly how you feel about me’ I cut her off coldly.

 

‘No, you don’t. Just, please Commander’ and she reaches forward a hand, a peace offering. ‘This was important to Ellana. She cares about both of us and I want this to work.’

‘Very well’ and I grasp her outstretched hand for a small shake of acceptance just as Rylen and some of my other officers make their way into my office.

 

* * *

 

In the first two months since Lady Amalthea began assisting, although I loathe to admit it, she has helped the Inquisition tremendously.

She attends my dawn Officers meeting, taking notes and actions before leaving for the rest of the morning to work with Josephine. After the morning training is finished and we have the noon break she returns to my office and begins work on any requisitions that don’t require my approval, drafts letters and discusses any concerns she has regarding the health and well being of the people. One morning a week she teaches in the Chantry run school for the very few children we have at Skyhold. I haven’t seen her lessons first hand but I overhear some gossiping sisters at prayer one day who can’t seem to decide if her lessons are good or bad.

‘She is teaching the children about Mathematics and the Sciences. I’m all for education but these are Orphans or the children of unskilled laborers, what do they need to know of such things?’

‘Indeed Sister, although the children do adore her and some of them seem to be coming along very quickly in their lessons. Providing they don’t slack on their study of the Chantry histories and Chant of Light I think it can only be a good thing.’

 

She remains’ studiously silent in the few, less classified Advisor councils she has attended. Only once have I heard her speak in those meetings when we were discussing whether or not to use the Grey Warden treaties to drive influence and recruitment.

‘If I may, Warden Blackwall himself didn’t recall seeing any Darkspawn during the attack on Haven, therefore we have no evidence this is one of your Blights. From the reports I’ve seen with the Ambassador the Herald seems to be succeeding well at improving our reputation and troop numbers are increasing at a rapid pace. Isn’t that right Commander?’

She gave me a look of meaning then and although I didn’t catch it at the time, just quietly agreeing with her assessment I wondered if this was one of the ‘moves’ she felt she needed to make happen in order to ensure the success of the Inquisition. ‘Therefore it may be prudent to hold off on the use of the treaties at least until we can confirm this is indeed a Blight.’ She was a more skillful negotiator than she let on.

 

After about a month she begins to stay later in the evenings in my tower. She sends for dinner, always enough for two although, I almost always leave my meal till supper after she has left. And she is always working studiously in the corner. One day I’m feeling particularly curious as I know she finished her requisition work hours ago and so I decide to break the silence.

 

‘What are you writing?’ She looks up briefly startled by any noise other than pens scratching before responding.

‘If you must know, at the moment I am writing everything I can possibly remember about anatomy, immunology and modern medicine.’ She pauses to shake her hand out.

‘Why?’ I know the question is impertinent and I wince slightly at my hard tone, but she’s been at it for days now.

‘Because. I have a whole worlds worth of information up in here’ and she points to her head to illustrate. ‘You guys may have magic but you are still in the Dark Ages compared to my society. Whether I stay here indefinitely or am tried for treason as soon as you decide I’m no longer useful I can help by putting this information out there. After medicine and disease, I’m going to attempt to explain how to generate electricity. I’ll draft the plans for a light bulb. Do you guys have magnets here? Never mind I’ll ask Dagna. Then there is all our literature, poetry, music, I’ll need to see if someone can give me a lesson in how you record your sheet music. Oh this is going to take me months and months. I don’t expect any of this to be of use while I’m alive but someone will find it one day and it will help so… that’s why.’

 

‘Oh’ I feebly respond to her impassioned explanation and I see her shut back down, her cool expression returning.

‘Apologies Commander, I didn’t consider your personal space. Is it bothering you, my writing here? If I’m alone I just end up procrastinating and as the contents are sensitive, I didn’t think it wise to use the public spaces.’

‘No, no it’s not bothering me.’ I say feigning my indifference.

Truthfully her being here is a most welcome distraction from the constant dryness I feel in my throat and the ache of my joints. Seeing her close her eyes when in thought, her long lashes sweeping over her pink cheeks. I recall being able to do nothing but stare when I see her bite her lower lip in concentration or occasionally stand to stretch out her long limbs, her back arching and tunic riding up. I’m shamed at how lecherous I feel but I can’t deny that she is a most welcome distraction indeed.

 

But of course I say none of that and the silence resumes.

 

At all times in our new arrangement she remains courteous and professional towards me and nothing would seem amiss, except I am the only person she treats this way.

 

At the morning meeting she is a complete favorite among my Officers, she always brings something baked and warm from the kitchens and my men adore her for it. She seems to be on a first name basis with all of the principle servants and skilled workers of the keep and makes time for the other members of the Inner circle.

I have seen her spending time with Blackwall, listening to his stories about great Grey Warden victories. To most children these are old and worn tales but to Thea these are novelties. I bite back the jealously I feel when I see the older man preen and puff up at her rapt attention.

She drinks and flirts with Dorian in the Library although my own deepening relationship with the Tevinter mage has taught me that I least there I don’t need to feel jealous. One day she came back to my office and promptly covered everything in flour after she had been baking with Sera and things ‘got out of hand’ she said with an amused expression on her face.

 

With Madame De Fer and my fellow Advisors she is a constant source of potential fashion ideas and a willing listener to any gossip. Leliana seemed to delight in telling me about an evening supper they had all shared when she showed them her lingerie from Earth. Apparently Madam De Fer was so impressed she had sent to Orlais for her tailor so that more of the garments could be produced according to the Lady’s specification. I glared at Leliana as best I could with that revelation but she just smiled at me sweetly, pretending not to notice the reddening of my face and went back to her notes. I hear the Lady Ambassador snigger also, they grow more like my sisters every day.

 

Therefore in the two months since she began her new role it was clear that Thea King was doing a wonderful job, was undoubtedly helping the Inquisition and its people, was being everything to everybody. Except me.

 

\--

 

I am spending an unusual night in the Tavern when my train of thought is interrupted.

‘Curly, nice to see you here, what are you brooding about now?’ Varric and Bull had just returned from the trip to Crestwood and the Hinterlands. They were having a reprieve back at Skyhold whilst Ellana had sent for Dorain and Sera to join her in the Emerald Graves.

‘Let me guess, it’s to do with a certain favorite member of the Inquisition that you can’t keep your eyes off?’

‘Varric, you know not everything is one of your smutty love stories. Sometimes people just clash and no amount of meddling or artistic licence can change that.’ I had almost had enough with people making teasing comments about the Lady and me. It was just rubbing salt in the wound every time someone gave a wink, nudge or knowing glance. Although she did spend a lot of time with me if they could be a fly on the wall, see the silence that they worked in and the professional distance she maintained it would pour cold water over any of their romantic notions. Even Cassandra seemed invested asking out of the blue one day what I thought of the Lady while we were having sparring practice.

 

‘Curly, have you actually tried talking to her? Not about Requisitions or troop movements but about her, her world? She is fascinating my friend and trust me there is no easier way to get a woman to open up then to ask them about themselves.’

It did agree with what I had observed when I had asked her about what she was writing.

‘And while you’re at it throw in a bit of flirting. Don’t glare at me like that Curly, I believe in you, just give her one of your smoldering looks. Besides I’ve got money riding on this.’

‘Yes Father’ I reply sarcastically and Varric laughs and slaps me on the back ‘see I knew you had a sense of humor in there somewhere, girls love a laugh. Make her smile and she will melt like butter for you.’

 

\--

 

‘Thea –‘I begin one unusually quiet early morning. My questioning tone instantly makes her look up from her desk.

‘Yes Commander, what do you need?’

‘Who is Sir Lancelot?’ It has the desired effect.

Instantly her walls of professionalism come down and she smiles at the paper work on her desk beautifully. ‘Why do you want to know?’

‘When we first met and I had drawn my sword, sorry about that by the way, you called me Sir Lancelot. So who is he?’ I don’t try to keep the returning smile off my face.

‘Well, Sir Lancelot was a member of the court at Camelot. He was King Arthur's best friend and was known to be the most brave, skilled and handsome knight in all of Britain’ she says wistfully.

‘You think I’m handsome?’ I can’t help but smirk at the pink on her cheeks. But her brief shock quickly transforms into a glint of challenge, the spark in her eyes that I had been missing in our encounters returning in an instant.

‘Oh, did also I forget to mention he was the most arrogant of all the knights and had an affair with the Queen which ultimately lead to the downfall of the Kingdom?’ her teasing catches me by surprise, she thinks she has won this battle but I am the tactician here.

‘I don’t know about an affair with a Queen, but how about a King?’ I glance up at her again with meaning, the use of her surname is not lost on her. She quickly goes bright red, mutters something about needing to speak to Josephine and leaves my office.

 

Checkmate, I think triumphantly before returning to my own work. Perhaps working with her will be more enjoyable than I had previously thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cullen Rutherford, smooth af.


	10. In the Distance Hear the Laughter

**Thea POV**

 

After my very hasty retreat from Cullen’s tower I take the long way through the courtyard to Josephine’s office so my embarrassment has time to recede.

‘Where had that come from?’ I thought disbelieving at Cullen’s shameless flirting. I could handle propositions from Bull or Rylen, I knew they were mostly teasing and it fit with their personality but I was so shocked that Cullen, supposedly shy around women, Cullen Rutherford could have come up with something so brazen. ‘I’m actually proud of him.’

Still it was a marked change in his previous behavior towards me, perhaps my efforts at keeping him fed and watered were warming up his ice cold persona. I knew I could handle teasing or flirting, with some warning, so if he wanted to have a more playful friendship then I will happily deliver.

 

I pitied the woman who may eventually attract his serious affection. ‘That is not a face that’s easy to walk away from’ as I thought back to his darkened eyes while he casually discussed our potential ‘affair.’ I shake my thoughts away as I approach Josephine’s office door.

 

She is sitting at her usual writing desk, furiously scribbling and crossing something with more force than necessary. ‘Now is it le rideau or la rideau?’ I hear her mutter.

‘Le Rideau’ I reply even though the question wasn’t directed at me and she looks up at me, realising she is no longer alone.

‘Oh Lady Thea, forgive me I did not hear you enter. You are a bit early today.’

‘Yes, sorry, I can go if it’s inconvenient. The Commander had no further use for me and so I thought I would see if you needed anything.’ It’s not the truth but I didn’t feel I could tell the Lady Ambassador I had run away from a boy who tried to flirt with me.

‘That is very kind, now you say it is ‘le rideau’ yes?’

‘If you are talking about the curtains in the grand hall then yes. Are you writing to the Orlesian Drapers?’ I show an interest in her work hoping she will give me, something, anything to do to occupy my mind for the next couple of hours.

‘You know Orlesian?’

‘I know French, which happens to be the same as your Orlesian in the same way your ‘common’ is my English.’ I reply, I thought I had told her I spoke French when we met back at Haven, but was that before I realised French and Orlesian were the same, possibly.

She had a glint in her eye and rang the bell for a runner.

‘Hello, please fetch mistress Leliana at once.’ I am alarmed at her sudden request for the spymaster but she ignores me as she begins to flutter around her desk. Mumbling her thoughts to her self

‘Oh we will need to have the tailor come up again, perhaps we can coordinate? No no that wouldn’t be wise.’ Leliana joins us promptly and throws me a quick questioning glance at her friends’ obvious state of excitement.

‘Ah Leliana, I have wonderful news, I have found us our spy for Halamshiral!’

‘What?’ I respond bluntly and I see Leliana arch an eyebrow.

‘Yes yes it will be perfect. She can go in with Duke Bastien’s entourage, perhaps a distant cousin from the Free Marches. Oh we must speak to Madam De Fer as soon as possible.’

‘Josie, what are you talking about? Lady Thea is not fit to be a spy.’ I nod in agreement despite the slight and join in my own defense.

‘Lady Josephine I am not spy material, I am not stealthy, I cannot fight, I can speak Orlesian but frankly I butcher the accent. I wouldn’t pass for an Orlesian any more than a pig in a wig.’

Leliana walks closer to me and begins to scrutinize my face and figure, once again I feel the farm animal analogies coming forth in my mind.

‘Yes, she certainly isn’t subtle, visually no one would think she could be a spy, too striking, too tall.’ It’s always my height I think glumly but she doesn’t notice my sudden mood change. ‘Tell me your name and where you live in Orlesian.’

I’d learnt this at primary school ‘Ok, je m'appelle Thea, j'habite à Skyhold en Thedas.’ I saw Leliana wince at my accent. ‘See I told you, I have never been able to get the accent right.’

‘You are perfect.’

‘What?!’ I am even more shocked at Leliana’s agreeing with this plan that Josephine’s thinking of it.

‘Josie, let’s make sure Thea is involved with the discussions with the Tailor, her dress must not bear any resemblance to the Inquisitions uniform. Also can you please schedule her to join in the dance and etiquette training that the other attending Inquisition members will be having.’

‘Of course Leliana, this will be so much fun.’

 

I couldn’t speak. Just nodding or giving simple answers while Leliana and Josephine kept plotting and asking a variety of questions.

I rubbed my forehead after half an hour of prodding. My traitorous mind chimed in ‘you are so going to get stabbed.’

 

\--

 

It was later in the day and approaching dusk when I was finally released from the clutches of the Ambassador, Spymaster and later Madam De Fer. I hadn’t had lunch and was really getting hungry but didn’t know if I had the energy for the Tavern. I glance up at the Commanders tower, the servants always brought two servings of dinner to the office as I was usually writing there till late. Plus, he had whiskey and I needed something to take the edge off my dread.

 

I open the door unceremoniously and with relief see some untouched food on the edge of his desk.

He looks up from his work with only slight shock but I ignore him, grabbing the food and promptly devouring it at my desk. I stop stuffing my face only to walk over to his decanter of whiskey on the bookshelf, I pour myself a quick finger and knock it back in one. It’s smooth and warming and not at all supposed to be drunk as a shot so I pour myself another to savor.

I return to my food, the Commander still watching me with amusement until he eventually clears his throat and I look up into his smirking face.

‘Enjoying that are you?’ He gestures to the whiskey and although I had planned to savor it, I knock back the second glass with a glare to spite him. I finish my food without response and although I had eaten at the same time, drinking such a strong spirit on an empty stomach had ensured that I was already feeling woozy.

 

I abandon my desk with a groan and lie down on my back on his floor, covering my face with my hands.

‘Thea?’

‘No’ I hear him snigger at my one word answer.

‘I haven’t asked a question yet.’

‘Ok let me answer it anyway. No’

‘Alright’ and I hear him sit back down and the scratching of his quill on paper resume.

After several minutes of silence I finally let my rage out, although it is tapered from the alcohol.

 

‘This is your fault, if you hadn’t shamelessly flirted with me I wouldn’t have fled to the safety of Josephine’s office and wouldn’t have been recruited into this madness.’

‘I didn’t shamelessly flirt with you. I was merely propositioning an brief affair, I have heard my men and Bull say far more suggestive things to you. I was just surprised at how deep a shade of red your face went.’

I groan again and this time roll onto my side so he is looking at my back. ‘Stop it’ I say to him though I can hear him laughing.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable truly. What madness have you been recruited in to? Deciding on the place settings for the Ambassadors next formal dinner?’

‘Halamshiral’ I pitifully moan the response to his question.

‘What?!’ he doesn’t try to hide the surprise from his voice.

‘That’s what I said. It’s ridiculous, I can’t fight, I won’t even be able to run seeing as they a putting me in some awful dress.’ I turn back over and sit up to look at him from my spot on the floor earnestly, at least I don’t need to conceal the truth from him.

‘Cullen, even if everything goes ‘well’ in Halamshiral people still die, its a given. I can’t...’ I close my eyes, draw my knees up into my protective ball and sigh. I hear movement around the room, a slight tinkling and then a glass is pushed into my hand.

Cullen sits next to me on the floor, a matching glass of whiskey in his own hand.

 

‘What are Balls like where you are from?’ He asks after a companionable silence.

I let out a short noise of mirth at his question, I couldn’t explain to him why I had found the word ‘balls’ funny in case he thought I was a ten-year old, a drunk ten-year old. ‘We don’t really do Balls anymore. We have Parties.’

‘Well what are Parties like?’

I smile at his perseverance, he is trying to distract me so I indulge him. ‘I guess it depends on how formal it is. A party can be just a couple of friends sharing a drink.’ I tilt my glass towards his and tap them together. ‘Or they are with a larger group of people, loud music, lots of food and people not wearing enough clothes or in costume. Far less murder’ I turn my head to smile at him.

‘Where you at a party when you came to Thedas then?’ He is of course referring to the now infamous Unicorn costume.

‘No I was at a festival, which is like lots of parties all next to each other in fields. But the same rules around music and clothes apply.’

‘Hmm, you know Fereldan Balls or ‘Parties’ have far less murder too. It’s just those damn Orlesian’s.’ I laugh at his grumble about Orlesian’s. In my limited experience with nobles whilst helping Josephine the Orlesian’s have been the most difficult to work with and I was beginning to understand first hand everyone’s distaste about them.

 

 

‘I’m scared’ I let the statement hang in the air. It was the first time I had admitted my fear it to anyone in Thedas.

‘I don’t belong here. I had never even seen a dead body before Haven, never had to run in fear from an army or war. I know I was lucky to be born in such a time and place, never any worry that there might not be enough food or that I’d be murdered by bandits whilst on my way to work. Since getting to Skyhold, apart from our first conversation, I have felt completely safe and I guess I’m going to have that security forced away from me.’

 

‘You were scared of me?’

‘Cullen, look me in the eye and tell me you weren’t trying to be threatening.’

He looks sheepish at the memory of his own actions that day ‘I suppose you’re right, I’m sorry for that. And I’m sorry you have been dragged into this madness at Halamshiral. Do you want me to say something to the other Advisors, try to save you from going?’

‘No, I’d rather try and save your sway for the important things and I am not that.’

‘You’re important to me’ I look fully into his face then. There’s no teasing, this isn’t another attempt to flirt just an honest statement about how he feels.

‘That’s kind, thank you’ I nudge him slightly with my shoulder ‘and it’s very true. Who will make sure you eat properly and take notes in your meetings if not for me, clearly I am doing the Makers work.’

‘Ha!’ he responds with equal teasing ‘You, a heathen doing the Makers work. Hardly. I know your games and you my Lady are just here for the whiskey.’

 

We trail off into light-hearted conversation for a while, I ask him about Fereldan and he in turn asks me more about my home. It’s almost exactly the relationship I have with all the other members of the Inner circle and Ellana but with one key difference. With Cullen I can be completely honest. It’s so pleasant to have a conversation where I don’t have to watch what I am saying that I end up feeling more relaxed than I had done even since before arriving in Thedas.

 

I am just about to leave, standing up, stretching out my back and complaining about how sore my ass is from sitting on his hard floor when I hear a strange noise.

 

‘Naaaaaa’ clunk.

 

‘NAAaaaaaaaaa’ clunk.

 

‘What in the Maker is that?’ I hear Cullen ask over the strange noise but I just double over and begin laughing.

‘Oh Cullen, you have got to come and see this, its Chief Movran and the goats!’

‘What?’ but I ignore his question and threading our fingers pull him outside by his hand to the battlements.

He can’t help but smile at my laughter while we un-subtly watch his guards first arrest the man responsible, then begin trying to round up several stranded and slightly concussed goats.

After the show is over I don’t head back inside, it’s late and I will probably already be regretting the three whiskeys in the morning.

 

‘I’m going to retire now Cullen. Thank you, really. This is probably the best I’ve felt in, well ages.’ I know the alcohol has loosened my tongue but I’m so tired of hiding my true feelings.

‘Anytime my Lady.’ He says as he bends forward and kisses my hand which I hadn’t realized we were still holding.

‘You flirt!’ I say as I pull my hand back in mock offence.

‘You love it’ he says nonchalantly with his back turned as he strides towards his office. I don’t shout to correct him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly i should end this story here, nothing else i will ever write can ever be more profound than ‘NAAaaaaaaaaa’ clunk


	11. Old and Worn

**Thea POV**

 

I am in an unusually good mood today as I make my way over to the Advisors meeting. Ellana returned yesterday from her trip encompassing Crestwood, the Hinterlands and lastly the Emerald Graves.

 

‘Commander’ I great Cullen pleasantly when I see we are the only two currently in the War Room. Our working relationship had improved tremendously since the day I found out I would be attending Halamshiral. Truthfully while Ellana and Dorian had been away there had been no one in that last month I had enjoyed spending time with more. He had such a dark sense of humor and his sarcasm complimented my own meaning that the flirtatious teasing he had started had showed no signs of easing.

 

Unusually Cullen doesn’t respond to my salutations and instead continues to study the notes in front of him. He looks a little unwell, had been for a couple of days but I wasn’t concerned. Apart from being short with a few of his runners and possibly wincing more when a loud noise came up from the courtyard I hadn’t seen anything else the matter with him. I was about to ask about his health out of courtesy as he still hadn’t realized he was not alone when the War Room door re-opened and in walked the other Advisors and Ellana.

 

‘Hello everyone!’ Ellana says cheerfully ‘let’s get started right away as I’m still exhausted and want at least two more naps before bed-time.’ I don’t know how she manages to stay so positive but I can’t help smile at her happy tone. I see Cullen finally look up and nod slightly to the Inquisitor before re-studying his notes, he doesn’t stop to make eye contact with me.

 

After a summary of the Inquisitor’s trip, the detailed reports from the last missions had already been reviewed as they had been sent from the field, we begin to plot our next move.

‘I think for now we have done all we can in Fereldan and so we should turn our sights to Orlais. What are our options?’ Ellana begins.

‘Inquisitor, as you know we have received an invite for the peace talks at Halamshiral from Grand Duke Gaspard however both Gaspard and Empress Celene are refusing to set a date due to the conflict in the Exalted Plains. With both of their armies currently out of contact, neither of the leaders feels in a strong enough position of power to commit to the talks. I would suggest we look to resolve this crisis first.’ Josephine elegantly summarises.

‘The Inquisitor shouldn’t have to stop these two sides from fighting when the real threat is still out there. Looking at the reports you gathered in the Graves the majority of the Red Lyrium appears to be coming from Emprise Du Lyon, I suggest we investigate this, cut off their supply and deal a crippling blow to Corypheus and Samson’s army.’

 

I remain silent during the ongoing exchange although my thoughts turn to what I would do. The suffering of the people in Emprise Du Lyon weighs far more heavily on my conscience than the predicament of the Orlesian armies. They are soldiers and although in a bad way are trained, have supplies and did sign up for the war knowing the cost could be their lives. The poor souls in Emprise have been exploited and are currently being mutilated, it is a clear choice in my mind.

I finally speak up ‘I understood that we wouldn’t expect the threat on Empress Celenes life to manifest until there is a date for the Ball, could it not therefore wait and instead we could help the innocents in Emprise? We have had an urgent request from aid from there.’ I suggest, hoping it’s enough.

 

‘It is true that we have had a request for aid, but we have had similar requests from half of Fereldan and Orlais. Additionally my scouts can’t make headway to try to discover what the actual situation is in Emprise. They are experiencing a harsh winter yes but this could be the plight of a few farmers compared to the head of the most powerful nation in Thedas.’ Leliana offers a convincing counter argument and unfortunately the Inquisitor agrees with her and Josephine’s assessment.

 

I don’t say anything further, not able to give them the information that would so easily change their minds and instead listen in silence to the rest of the meeting. As it draws to a close I see Cullen leave the War Room quickly, odd as he usually lingers to further study the map and refine any troop movements. Perhaps I could appeal to him regarding this decision, he has the most invested in the Red Lyrium trail and could probably change Ellana’s mind.

 

 

\--

 

After leaving the meeting I head quickly back to Cullen’s tower hoping to catch him before he goes down to the training fields. I enter his office and happily find him alone with his head bowed over his desk, fists planted on either side of his work to support his weight.

 

‘Cullen, do you think there is anything you can do to convince the Inquisitor to go Emprise Du Lyon first?’ I begin without ceremony rounding his desk to stand closer to him so we aren’t overheard by the patrols which often cut through the tower.

 

He looks up at me and I notice again how tired he looks, the shadows on his face are more noticeable in his darker tower than in the brightly lit War Room.

He takes a shuddering breath as if to will the energy to speak. ‘Believe me, I would prefer if we looked to Emprise first. The trail the Inquisitor picked up in the Emerald Graves regarding Samson and the Red Templar's pointed in that direction but I was outvoted.’ I nod knowingly at his words but see his eyes narrow at the action.

‘You know where Samson is of course.’ I am taken aback with his words, this is the first time he has ever sought more of my knowledge and foresight since I had first explained it to him. Then again part of me was waiting for this. I wondered how long it would be before he started to ask me for information, to use our new friendship as a tool.

‘Cullen, you know I can’t tell you that.’ I try to shut down his thinking as gently as possible but already can see his mind working.

‘You probably also know what exactly is going on in Emprise, there must be a reason you are eager to get the Inquisition to intervene there.’ I don’t deny his accusation but I don’t agree with it either this is a dangerous game he is playing. He begins pacing the side of the room we both share, not trying to hide his contempt from me.

‘I Imagine you know the names of the future battles we will have, of the hidden enemy plotting to overthrow Empress Celene you probably even know if I die from this cursed Lyrium.’ He almost hisses the last word.

I keep still and don’t make eye contact. I could see he was suffering today, he had looked tired for days but I sought to push my own agenda. I couldn’t blame him for wanting to use my information, I was using him myself to try get the outcome I perceived to be ‘best’. I knew neither of us was going to come out of this discussion unscathed.

 

‘Cullen, I’m sorry. Truly sorry that you know this about me. I know it’s a burden.’

 

‘You don’t know of burdens. I hear you talk about your old life, no wars, no blights, comfort and convenience and wealth for all. You say you want to help but instead of offering real solutions you are baking cookies, teaching children and spending too many nights in the Tavern.’ I see him narrow his eyes and wince at the light in the room.

The combative part of my personality wants to scream at his accusations wants to hurt him and drag us back in to the feral animosity we seemed to be unable to escape from.

‘This isn’t him talking, it’s his withdrawal’ I force myself to remember and use that knowledge to still my otherwise scathing reply. I want to help him but I can’t push him, not now. I wasn’t certain Ellana hadn’t told him yet whether he should restart taking Lyrium and it wasn’t my place to intervene.

 

So instead I revert to the professionalism which had defined our earlier interactions and which I am loathe to slip back into.

‘Apologies Commander, I can see it’s a bad time. The decision to go to Emprise first was preferable but not critical. I’ll give you some space.’ With that I move to step around him but he thumps his hands down either side of my frame.

 

I am pinned between him and the desk. His eyes blazing into mine with that smoldering intensity which I can’t help but be captivated by. I hear my breathing become erratic with his proximity, his scent and I am overcome. I close my eyes to try and stop the over stimulation and I feel him press closer to me. He thinks it an invitation, ‘this feels too right to be wrong’ my mind cries as I move to close the remaining gap.

The tower door from the east battlement begins to open and I gasp pushing myself out of his trap.

I scurry away from the desk and out of the tower as quickly as my feet can carry me, ignoring the groan of pain I hear as Cullen falls back into his rarely used chair.

 

 

 

I return quickly to my own room to reflect on what had just happened. I could not blame Cullen for his tone or how he acted. Since he first agreed to trust me all those months ago this was the first time I had felt any doubt on his side, the first time he had asked for more information and it was very apparent that his current mood was being driven by the withdrawal.

It had shamed when he used our discussions of my world against me of course I couldn’t possibly empathize with him, his life, and the ways in which he had suffered but that didn’t mean I was unsympathetic.

But I was also angry that he accused me of not doing enough to help. He knew why and I thought he understood the reasons I couldn’t do more because where does helping stop and playing God start?

As for the pink which still tinged my cheeks, the memory of his scent, the press of his body and how I had leaned in to him I decided not to think about it at all. ‘Just his withdrawal’ I reminded myself.

 

Out of stubbornness and spite I didn’t go back over to his tower that afternoon as I would usually, choosing instead to go to the Tavern which I apparently spend too much time in.

 

* * *

 

 

My night in the tavern was a great idea. The Chargers kept me well amused and the heckles the Commander had raised had been well and truly smoothed. I had been taught how to play Wicked Grace and was unsurprisingly awful at it. Varric had joined in and kept me entertained with his wonderful tales. He also hinted at the rumors circulating about mine and the Commanders apparent closeness, even that we had been ‘caught’ in the act by a patrolling guard earlier in the day I flushed in embarrassment but quickly corrected him.

‘Bullshit! No offence Bull.’ The Qunari just nodded and continued watching the conversation with amusement. ‘Varric, the Commander may not hate me anymore but I don’t think we will ever be riding off into the sunset together.’ He arched his brow at my assertion and I just laughed ‘truly Varric. You need a new couple to focus on, it’s never going to happen.’

‘Whatever you say Moonshine.’ He had clearly disregarded my understanding of my own relationship with Cullen so I just rolled my eyes at him before getting swept back into the surrounding conversation.

 

On my way back to my room that evening I saw Cole perched on the balcony near my room. I wasn’t avoiding Cole on purpose, I knew he was kind and only wanted to help but I couldn’t risk him spilling secrets about my foresight unknowingly. I smiled towards him and tried to pull my thoughts away from future events. Of course instead of the future he had picked up on my concern for Cullen. I had hidden it well over the course of the evening but my emotions were still fluctuating too much about him, his withdrawal and that brief moment of clarity I had felt between his arms.

‘He wants to but knows he shouldn’t, the blue-green draws him in and he craves a taste.’

‘Hello Cole, I had always thought of Lyrium as more of an ice blue.’

‘Lyrium is yes.’

‘Goodnight Cole’ I don’t even try to continue the conversation. The wine and exertions of the day catch up with me quickly and in no time I am in a deep restful sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

As I did all those months ago I decide to stop by Cullen’s tower slightly earlier than usual, just to check on him before the Officers meeting and ensure that our latest disagreement wouldn’t cause a problem for our working relationship. When I enter the tower I see him on his chair hunched over his desk, he isn’t moving.

 

‘Cullen!’ My shout seems to startle him and he jerks up with a wince, he looks even worse than yesterday. I move closer to him to try and examine him and the first thing I notice are his eyes. They look red and irritated with large blueish discoloration under them, the warmth I had being seeing more frequently from them all but extinguished. Within a moment he slips them closed, groans and leans back in his chair.

I study the rest of him then, his hands balled up into fists as if trying to will pain away, his skin, paler and more sunken than I had seen it. Moving closer still I gently touch his forehead, it is clammy and hot. I wish then I had been a nurse or a doctor, something useful that would tell me how to care for him in this state.

‘Cullen, can you hear me? I think you need to go to the healer, I can cover for you till you get back.’

‘No. Men can’t know.’

‘Don’t be stubborn’ I say but there is no malice in my accusation. ‘The men won’t have to know, I’ll say you are in a meeting, or drank too much. You aren’t the first person to be sick, even if you told them the truth no one would think any less of you.’

‘I said no.’ He says more forcefully this time and his eyes reopen. ‘I don’t want your pity, I don’t want you to see me like this. Please leave.’

He looks so ill, so miserable. I feel awful for leaving him yesterday when he offended my pride but I won’t make the same mistake again. ‘I’d never pity you. What you said yesterday, about me being too comfortable and not helping, you were right. I can’t possibly comprehend what you are suffering but I don’t want to let you suffer alone, let me-‘

‘Maker’s breath woman leave me be!’ He cuts me off but I still don’t want to give up on him.

‘What if I-‘

‘Fine, I’ll leave!’ He stands up suddenly and holds the edge of his desk a moment to steady himself. With a quick glare in my direction he stalks out of the side door to his office and I’m left alone and dumbfounded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And you all thought it was happy families and goats from here.


	12. The Last Unicorn

**Thea POV**

 

I had waited a few minutes in Cullen’s tower to see if he would return, we he did not I left a small note on his desk saying he could send for me if he needed anything and went to find my friend. Knocking on Ellana’s room door I felt the dread begin to swell. This was it, this was when the Inquisitor would decide if he would live a long, happy life with a dog and helping other Templars. Or if he would die on the streets, possibly in as little as five years from now. I said I didn’t want to play God, but I had to know how Ellana felt and if there was any way I could help her make what was the only ‘right’ decision in this situation.

 

‘Thea!’ Ellana smiled and motioned for me to enter her room. This was the first time I was seeing it in person, it was even grander than it had seemed on my TV back on Earth.

‘Wow, I thought I had a nice room!’

‘Ugh, don’t. If it were me I’d have us back in that cosy little cabin we shared. It’s so big and cold in here. Although the bed is what I imagine sleeping on a cloud must be like. What can I do for you? I thought we were meeting up with Dorian later? Are you still going to show us some yoga to try and fix these awful kinks in our back from camping?’

 

I laughed, ‘Yes to all of the above but I actually have something a bit more sensitive I need your help with. Would you be able to go and speak to Cullen later this morning? I’m worried about him.’

‘What’s the matter is it his condition? You mentioned nothing in your letters so I had hoped it was going well.’

‘He’s told me about it’ I lie, ‘and he was doing great, I thought he must have beaten it already. I think he’s just having a bad spell but I don’t want him to give in. He’ll listen to you, please, as a friend?’

 

‘Now you’re playing the friend card? I did owe you one after you agreed to watch him in the first place didn’t I’ she laughs.

‘Do you think you would ask him to take it again?’ I question and pray simultaneously.

‘Oh, absolutely not! I have even less respect for the Chantry than I did before. My trip to the Graves was most enlightening and if we can help Cullen be rid of their control over him we will.’ She touched my shoulder sympathetically and I felt so relieved. Even if I was slightly concerned at her anti-Chantry tone, for now the fact that she would not encourage Cullen to resume taking Lyrium was worth overlooking a more negative outlook than my friend had had previously.

 

‘Oh thank you’ I hugged her without restraint. ‘I hate seeing him suffer but he’s so strong, I know he can do this if you encourage him.’

She hugs me back for a moment but then eyes me curiously. ‘You do seem _very_ concerned about the Commander, no its Cullen to you now isn’t.’ I see where her mind is wandering and quickly try to end those treacherous thoughts.

‘Not you too’ I groan at the memory of Varric’s hinting just last night. ‘No Ellana, I can see what you are getting at and just because we now can actually have a conversation without one of us raging at the other doesn’t mean anything more is going on.’ A small part of me laments the lack of ‘going on’ but just a very, very small part.

‘mmmhmmm’ she makes that awful unconvinced noise and so like an idiot I protest again.

‘Honestly! We have a laugh together and I respect him, and I mean of course he is good looking, I’m not blind but he’s also way out of my league…so that’s it.’ I feel I have walked into her trap when I feel my cheeks begin to redden.

 

‘Oh Dorian is going to love this, he was lamenting not having a new couple to tease now Solas and I are less discreet.’ She claps her hands with unashamed glee at my apparent uncomfortableness.

 

‘Oh things have gotten indiscreet have they, is he a good kisser?’ I quickly try to deflect.

‘Thea! You will not change the subject, Inquisitor’s orders. Now I have things to do but I’ll stop by to see Cullen, I promise and then later we will have a proper catch up where by Dorian and I will tease you relentlessly for the rest of the day.’

‘I hate you!’ I call out as I am leaving her room via the stairs and I hear her responding giggle.

 

\---

 

Much later that evening, after a day of catch up with my so called friends ‘Really, did they have to name our children?’ I shake my head at the memory of Ellana and Dorians teasing. True to her word it had been relentless but I saw how the light-hearted banter brought my friend out of her somewhat colder mood earlier. I had only briefly asked her about her discussion with Cullen when Dorian was gone to the cellar for more supplies but she reassured me that he would no longer be taking Lyrium.

 

‘Thank goodness, it’s done’ I thought to myself once Ellana had confirmed the good news.

My relief was palpable and so after easing up on the wine I had decided to go and check on him, making the excuse that I was tired to Ellana and Dorian.

I wasn’t sure he even wanted to see me after the way we left things but I could just let him know that I too supported his decision. Also although this was the end of the ‘in game’ discussion around his Lyrium I was sure after seeing him so ill just this morning that there would still be a long road of recovery for him and he would need support.

‘It’s what friends do right?’ I tell myself, pushing down the thoughts of shirtless sparing practice and the benefits of a commanding tone in the bedroom, ‘bloody Dorian.’ I mutter to myself and take another deep breath to regain my composure before opening the tower door.

 

‘Commander? Cullen?’ I walk softly into the room from the entrance via the main keep and quickly notice he isn’t in his office. The two side doors were also bolted across and so I think he must be resting as that was the only time he had ever locked those previously.

I turn to leave but hear my name called quietly from the loft above the office. Clamping down my embarrassment I walk over to the ladder and ascend it quickly. I don’t lift my eyes till I am fully standing in the Commanders bedroom.

The Commanders bedroom where said Commander is shirtless on the bed. I feel myself redden in shame but I can’t help oogling this man even if he is sick.

One of his muscled arms is stretched up and over his eyes and there’s is a slight arch in his back which allows me to see all the definition of his muscular, broad chest. His lean V shaped torso is more tanned than I would have imagined and is littered with light hair, darkening as it leads a trail down from his navel to the waist band of his sleep trousers. The sleep trousers are sitting _very_ low on his hips and I quickly refocus my attention back to his face before I lose all composure. ‘Get a grip you pervert!’ I scold myself back into the correct head space of ‘concerned friend’ just in time as I see Cullen tilt his head to the side. One golden brown eye peers out from behind his forearm and the slightest of smiles graces his face.

 

‘Oh it is you, I’d hoped you would stop by. Thea I need to apologize.’ He goes to stand but I quickly move closer and so he can stay seated on the bed I kneel down next to him on the floor.

I cut him off before he can protest at my kneeling by his legs ‘don’t apologize, please. I could see you were unwell and I pushed you I’m so sorry. I just came to say that I think what you are doing is amazing and I will support you however I can.’ It sounds rushed and hollow compared to the depth of emotions I have and so I try to show him how I feel instead.

 

I move one of my hands to the back of his head and touch my forehead to his, the other resting gently on his thigh. I know it’s intimate, but I had always found this gesture soothing and when I feel Cullen sink and lean further into me I know it has had the same effect on him. We hold there for a minute, he is burning hot to the touch but I ignore it for now, slightly rubbing my thumb through the soft hair on the back of his head. He lets out an almost inaudible moan and I use the distraction to break my hold on his hair and stand back up.

‘Now, let’s get you back into bed.’ I say a soothingly as I can, ignoring my own innuendo and gesture for him to lay back. He promptly does with a slight moan and I am quick to cover his very distracting torso over with the thin bed sheet. I turn over to his washstand and take a breath ‘concerned friend, concerned friend’ I repeat to myself a few times to slow my staccato heart. I bring him over a glass of water and a small cold cloth which I press onto his forehead, the limit of my medical expertise.

 

‘I am not a healer but I can keep you company for a while if you’d like?’ His gentle smile and nod showed his acquiescence and so I pulled over the small chair from the corner of his loft and perched it as close to the bed as I could.

‘Now Commander, how should we pass the time?’

‘You could tell me a story from Earth’ he suggests.

‘Agreed. Would you like something from History or-‘

‘Tell me a story about Unicorns’ he sighs and smirks at the same time, pulling up the side of his lips with that delicious scar.

‘Commander are you teasing me? If you are well enough to flirt even now perhaps I should leave you hmm?’ I say, challenging his request. Truthfully I am delighted that he seems to have reverted to our usual playful friendship, I knew how to handle him like this.

‘Not at all, I am an invalid and I want to hear a story about Unicorns.’ His eyes sparkle slightly with mirth, it’s good to see the warmth returning to that rich golden hue.

‘You are not an invalid, you are an ass but I agree to your terms sir. Now allow me to tell you the story of The Last Unicorn.’

-

‘Wait, the Unicorn was called Amalthea. As in your name?’ He had quickly sat back up with an amused grin at that revelation, making his blanket fall down and exposing the hardened planes of his chest, again.

‘Yes, my mother was apparently a fan and so named me after it. I don’t know why it’s a really bad movie and I never got round to reading the book. And if you ever tell anyone I will shave your precious hair.’ I push his shoulder to lay him back down, he felt so strong even in this state, like silk over steel.

‘What’s a movie?’

‘A movie is a series of moving pictures, they are usually color and have sound and music. It’s one of our most popular media forms.’ I cover him back over and refresh the towel on his forehead.

‘How can a picture move?’

‘I tell you what, you stop asking so many questions and I’ll try and show you another day ok?’

-

‘Why did the sorcerer make her human and not a horse or any other creature?’ At this rate of questioning I was going to be here till dawn.

‘Well, like a lot of sorcerers he was a bit of a fool and that was the first thing he thought of.’

Cullen just snorted in laughter whilst I continued the tale.

-

‘But if she loved the prince why did she agree to be turned back?’ He sounded genuinely saddened at the outcome of the story and I wanted to kick myself for doing such an awful job of trying to make him feel better, so I try to keep my response positive.

‘It was never supposed to be. She was an actual Unicorn, not a human dressed up as one.’

‘So if she was a human that had been disguised as a Unicorn then she and the man she loved could have stayed together?’

 

I pause at his loaded question. I could see in his eyes that he was searching for deeper meaning in my next words and I didn’t know what to say. So I deflected.

‘Well assuming she was turned back into a human again, would be very odd if a man married a horse don’t you think?’

He sighed and closed his eyes. I felt like face palming at my feeble response, he was looking for comfort and I was being an idiot. I had let my friends teasing impact my own actions and so sat there silently for several minutes not knowing what more I could say.

 

Cullen’s breathing deepened and I was happy at least that he was getting some rest. I leaned back over the now probably sleeping man. I wanted to touch his face, stroke his scar, climb into bed with him and nuzzle up to his warmth but it couldn’t be.

I remove the cloth from his forehead, allowing my hand to trail ever so slightly across his brow and then down towards his lips before pulling it away.

‘Goodnight Cullen’ I whisper over his face before heading back down the ladder and out of his office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of fluff for you, bit of fluff for you, bit of fluff for everyone!


	13. A Path is Torn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In celebration of having over 1000 hits on my work I am giving you this next chapter a day early.  
> Thank you all so much for your continued support, it has really meant the world to me :)

**Cullen POV**

 

I am back on the battlements at dusk. Thea is holding my hand as we laugh at the scattered goats around Skyhold’s walls. As she makes her goodbyes instead of bowing to kiss her hand I instead pull her close. Grasping around her waist, forcing her hips back against the wall I push forward and claim her lips in a desperate searing kiss.

She responds instantly, raking her fingers through my hair and moaning into the sensations. She hooks one of her long legs over mine whilst I begin roll my hips into hers.

The pressure, the heat, even fully clothed I feel it won’t be long until I am fully undone as our pace quickens, desperate panting breaths coming from both of us.

 

‘Thea’ I gasp as I open my eyes, closing them quickly once I realize that my subconscious had again been playing cruel tricks with me. I take a moment to still my breathing. I am so, so tempted to relieve the aching pressure, my arousal straining in my sleep trousers but it seems wrong to use her image at least consciously without her permission.

 

The increased frequency of these dreams was of course a direct result of our deepening friendship. She now treated me just like her other friends, playfully flirting as she went it. Of course there was never anything with meaning in her words or actions and I didn’t feel she had shown any particular preference for my company over her other companions. True she had been caring and kind during my last period of illness but I knew she would have done the same for anyone here at Skyhold.

‘I’m a fool’ I chastise myself pitifully. I was playing along with her teasing even though I felt my own affections growing ‘be thankful for her friendship and that will be enough.’

It of course didn’t help that we were thrown together even more often and in an increasingly personal capacity as the preparations for Halamshiral progressed. Dorian wasn’t attending the Ball but had taken it upon himself to arrange frequent practices for those that were attending and extra ones for myself and Thea when he was not pleased with our progress in the group sessions.

 

During our most recent chess match I had tried to question him on the need for so many.

‘Do you not like spending time with me Commander?’

‘If that were the case we wouldn’t play chess every day would we’ trying to get Dorian to be serious was an uphill battle.

‘Is it that I force you out of your armor for one hour and you feel lost without it?’

‘Dorian’ I warn but he is on a roll and nothing I say will stop him.

‘I see, so perhaps it is your partner you find offensive? I shall go and tell Thea you no longer want to train with her and perhaps Sera can help you instead.’

‘You’ll do no such thing!’ Of course he gave me a knowing smirk at my outburst and so I decided to quiet any other reservations I might have otherwise voiced.

 

At least the dreams were a more pleasant torture than that of my nightmares. Despite Thea’s growing presence in my mind and heart the Demons that plagued me had yet to use her form in their wicked games. I couldn’t comprehend why, if I had been a less private man I may have asked Solas about the possible reason, but as I wasn’t I just took the blessing as it was given.

 

Once again more unpleasant thoughts had willed my arousal away and I remembered that I had a meeting this morning with the Tailor and other Advisors regarding our formal uniforms, ‘If I never hear the name Halamshiral again it will still be too soon.’ I grumble whilst beginning my preparations for the day.

 

* * *

 

I had already been measured a couple of weeks ago so why I needed to attend this meeting now I had no idea. The Inquisitor had forcefully declined to attend this second fitting calling it ‘Shem nonsense’ and claiming that she was tired from her work on the Exalted Plains. Her work there was more trying than we had anticipated, she was there almost two months and so had decided on a reprieve before heading back out to investigate Emprise Du Lyon.

 

We had been discussing the color choice of the uniforms for thirty minutes, I was bored out of my skull when I see Thea slip into the room and begin to wait quietly in the corner.

 

‘Thea what do you think?’ Leliana asks her out of blue, but I remembered that they had had several discussions with her during her time with the Inquisition about Earth’s fashion.

She looks thoughtfully at the designs for a moment before answering ‘I would avoid red for the Inquisitions uniforms. It is a Chantry color and we want to be seen as completely independent from them. Perhaps White or Black with Silver accents? It’s clean, neutral and will help our members stand out amongst all the other colors in the Ballroom.’

‘Hmm it would make a political statement by showing no allegiance to any particular country or existing organisation. Plus the use of silver rather than gold shows a certain confidence that doesn’t require an ostentatious display’ Josephine responds in pleased agreement.

‘Then we are agreed. Marco, can you make the necessary changes?’ Leliana asks the Orlesian tailor and my interest in the discussion trails off.

 

‘Thank the Maker’ I whisper to Thea who has stepped back from the desk strewn with designs to come and stand next to me.

‘Pleased with my choice?’ She offers a small smile but strangely looks relieved herself, would Red have been so bad?

‘Pleased with any choice. I’m so glad you arrived when you did or I feel we could have been discussing the benefits of red versus green for another three hours.’ She smiles at my discomfort and I am about to make my farewells when the conversation turns in our direction.

 

‘Thank you Marco, now on to the dress for Lady Amalthea’

I see her mouth the word ‘help’ to me but I hold my hands up whilst backing out of the room, too eager to make my escape. She throws me a look of betrayal and I know I’ll not hear the end of this when we meet later in the afternoon.

 

‘Oui. My, my, what a treasure you have here! How tall are you my dear?’

I hear her sigh and I’m certain she is rolling her eyes at the question ‘about 5’10. Not a giant despite peoples belief to the contrary.’

The large door closes behind me cutting off the rest of the conversation.

 

* * *

 

 

I shed my armor later in evening and make my way to the small ballroom below Skyhold's main hall. I had protested its loss during our first lessons but actually was finding that the hour without it was helping ease some of the tension I carried around in my shoulders. Plus both Dorian and Thea had been very unimpressed when I said I would dance in it, the latter complaining about getting bruised ribs, I couldn’t tell if she was being serious or not and so had eventually given up the fight.

 

Thinking of Thea’s look of betrayal earlier in the day I stop by the kitchens on my way and pick up a small plate of pastries. It was a small gesture which was not only a peace offering. I had seen her when hungry and although her misplaced rage was at times endearing it would not serve well in the compulsory hour of dance training.

In truth I knew she was still unhappy about being forced to attend Halamshiral, but was keeping a brave face up. She’d told me she had asked the Inquisitor not to send her to the ball when she came back from her last trip but had no success in her request.  So the best I can do is try and make the training and hopefully the Ball itself enjoyable for her.

 

I enter the small Ballroom quietly to see Thea dancing some steps on her own. Her eyes are closed and she is humming another one of her unfamiliar tunes.

She has rhythm, grace and I enjoy seeing the serene expression on her face. I don’t believe she needs any dance training at all and I am beginning to get the niggling feeling that our ‘friends’ might be forcing this for their own self amusement. I continue to watch her in silence, trying and failing to clamp down on the affection rising within me. I scold myself and remember my morning’s laments, ‘just be thankful for her friendship’ is becoming my mantra although a tiny part of me screams that it isn’t going to be enough. 

 

_You’d love me at once_

_The way you did once, upon a dream_

 

She very quietly says the words which I assume were lines from the song she was humming. She stops dancing and exhales forcefully, opening her eyes and jumping once she sees she is not alone.

‘Bloody Hell! You are quiet without all that metal on you aren’t you?’ She almost growls at me but I can’t help smirk at her obvious reddening cheeks and embarrassment at being caught. She quickly ignores any discomfort she feels however when she sees I have brought an edible request for forgiveness.

 

Dorian enters while she starts her third pastry and quickly begins this evening’s lecture about which dances we will be revisiting and what we need to improve. Once she has finished her treat she sighs and her mood drops I recall the promise to myself about making this enjoyable.

 

‘Would you care for a dance My Lady?’ I make an over-extravagant bow whilst offering her my hand and see her chuckle behind her hand at my antics.

‘The pleasure would be all mine My Lord’ she replies with her own neat curtsy and I hear Dorian scoff in disgust at our shenanigans from his spot in the doorway.

 

With her mood suitably improved through the copious amounts of sugar and the mockery of the customs we are supposed to be learning we begin our first dance. Of course it isn’t long until our playful banter comes to the fore.

‘You’re too tall a partner’ I start.

‘You should be thanking me old man, at least this way you don’t have to stoop.’

‘The mouth on you’ I reply cheekily whilst quickly spinning and catching her back around the waist.

 

‘Why have I been stuck as your training partner’ I complain for the third time that day.

‘Commander you know why. Solas is going as an Elven servant, Sera and Cassandra are female and we both need the practice. I could always ask Blackwall –‘

She trails off just as I dip her, her body held close to mine, hips connecting but the rest of her back and neck arched beautifully. I sweep her back up and regain the hold before moving again

‘Be my guest, I’m sure his beard would feel delightful whilst kissing your hand at the end of the dance’ I reply curtly but still with a tone of amusement.

‘Say’s you stubble face!’ And she quickly moves her hand from its place on my shoulder to my chin and rubs it to highlight her words.

We both make eye contact and begin laughing at our own ridiculousness. I try and fail miserably to restart the steps.

 

‘Stop’ Dorian walks abruptly over to us both where we are still in hold. He quietly mutters something along the lines of ‘working with children’ before he begins adjusting our positions.

He moves my arm down Thea’s back till it is at the very base of her spine and forces Thea to tilt her neck and chin further to the left so we can’t maintain eye contact anymore. It is a small relief cutting away our eye contact, cooling the arousal I was beginning to feel.

Of course Dorian makes short work of that relief by making one more adjustment. He pushes Thea's backbone sharply in the center causing her to arch her back and pressing our bodies uncomfortably close. I see Thea flush at the proximity and I try to mask my own embarrassment at just how much I’m enjoying the press of her curves against my chest. I secretly thank Dorian for insisting I don’t wear armor at the same time angrily asking him ‘is this really necessary?’

 

‘Do you want our precious flower here to be discovered as a spy? If not then you will do your part and allow her to train with you. As a brutish Fereldan man in these situations you may decline to dance all you want and people will just think it’s part of your charm, but as we are passing the Lady off as a noble she does not have that luxury. Now start from the beginning please’ with that Dorian moves back over to his spot by the doorway to once again block any escape we might have planned.

 

‘I can’t decide if I’m more uncomfortable now or when you saw me in my underwear’ Thea grumbles for our ears only.

‘Definitely now, at least when I saw you nearly naked we had the benefit of being strangers. We have to work together tomorrow and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to look you in the eye’ I try to lighten her mood and she briefly smiles but it is quickly replaced with a more sullen expression.

‘I hate the thought of having to dance like this with strangers, one on one dancing is supposed to be special and romantic.’

‘I thought you didn’t have Balls?’

‘We don’t but we still dance with each other’ she grinned at a thought. ‘You would burst into flames if I started to dance with you as I would have back home.’

‘Oh and why’s that?’ is ask with genuine curiosity.

‘Another time perhaps, when I’ve had too much wine and we don’t have an audience.’

She looks me directly in the eye then and I can’t tell if this is just our usual playful teasing or something more, she lowers her gaze and worries her lower lip with her teeth. I am so tempted to ask her why she is acting shyly, to tilt her chin up and try to read the emotions hidden in the depths of her eyes but something draws my attention.

 

I suddenly hear a gasp, as if for air and see Dorian fall to the ground clutching his throat.

‘Dorian?’ Thea asks alarmed. She quickly glances up at me before breaking away, kneeling by Dorian to see what ails our friend. Something niggles at the back of my mind and I can feel it, the familiar sensation of a Holy-Smite comes back to my dulled Lyrium senses.

‘Wait!’ I shout just as soon as a Red Templar Shadow appears from the doorway which the unconscious mage and Thea now linger in. I spring into action as soon as the thing gives an unnatural shriek and immediately move towards the creature.

 

I pull a kneeling, stunned Thea out of the way, shielding her with my body at the same time as the creature makes a slash towards us cutting a shallow line across my back instead of hers. I spin and keeping Thea behind me begin to back away. ‘Cullen, you’re bleeding’ she states and I can hear the breathless shock in her voice.

‘I know’ I respond without malice whilst I begin to consider our options. The fallen Templar is showing no interest in Dorian, he looks completely lifeless in the doorway but I know the effect of a Smite and it could be a several minutes before he regains consciousness. I can’t count on our mage friend providing a sneak counterattack.

 

 

I have no weapons, no armor, no means to kill it but I notice that this Shadow appears to still be using a regular blade in one hand. Odd but it will work, my tactical brain thinks, assuming I can get Thea out of harm’s way. I begin to back us up to the far wall as slowly as possible.

‘Thea, I am going to have to distract it and I need you to run to the door’ we are nearly far enough away that I think she will have a chance.

‘I don’t want to leave you.’

‘Thea I can’t protect you without any weapons, please, when I say go run to the door and get the guards, get anyone.’

She looks pale and terrified but I see her nod out of the corner of my eye.

‘Ready… Go, Now!’ As soon as I am uttering the words I lunge forward to the creature and try to wrench the dagger from its mostly human hand. It ignores my grip on its wrist and aims a swipe with its Red Lyrium spiked arm towards my face. I move to block with my left arm as if I have my shield, of course I don’t and so the creature instead slashes a huge deep gash down my forearm.

I grit my teeth and ignore the pain whilst refocusing on the dagger. I twist its arm and it lets out another unnatural shriek flailing to try and wrench its arm free. It succeeds and although I jump back quickly is still has time to use the dagger to make a long but shallow cut across my torso.

 

I hiss in pain but brace myself again before I try to grab its arm for a third time. This time once I have a grip on the thing’s wrist I quickly twist my body so I am behind the monster. Wrenching upwards and hard the creature screams and the dagger falls to the floor with an inaudible clatter over the painful shrieking. I send a forceful kick right to the spine of the beast and as it stumbles away I retrieve the fallen blade.

 

Before it has the time to turn around and renew its assault I am back behind the creature. I stab the weak spot behind the neck of its armor repeatedly, feeling the muscle and sinew tear and the blade chip at the spine. Within moments the thing lets out a final wail and crumples to the floor.

 

I drop the dagger as soon as I see Thea return to the room with a large number of guards and I can see Dorian come back to consciousness from where he is now sitting. I’m relieved but I know it’s too late. My blurring senses confirm it, the dagger was poisoned.

I feel myself stumble and land on the floor with a heavy thud ‘Cullen!’

I hear Thea shout although it sounds muffled. She got to safety, it was worth it then and I close my eyes in resignation about what is to come.

 

I moan in pain although I can’t hear a sound as the quiet dark begins to give way to a sharp white heat. I open my eyes to see what is causing me this new agony, what this awful poison is doing to me.

Above me bathed in the white light I can see Thea's face, I can just make out that she is crying as the light increases in its intensity. I close my eyes again to shield myself but reach up my hand as I do. I just, just touch the side of her face before I am once again claimed by the darkness.


	14. The Last Moon is Cast

**Thea POV**

 

‘Mnnn my head’ I moan as I wake with what feels like the most dizzying hangover in existence.

‘Ah she finally wakes, well I did say you would put on a show.’ I hear a voice to the side of me and turn to look.

‘Dorian, what? Dorian, oh my God are you ok?!’ I move to sit up quickly but feel dizzy again and lie back down.

‘There there Dear’ and I feel his hand gently press my forehead. ‘You expended all your mana, in quite a spectacular fashion I might add. This is why we mages take Lyrium potions. Will you take one now?’

I shake my head but ask a more pressing question ‘You’re ok though? We saw you fall, then that thing was behind you.’

‘I am absolutely fine, being cut off from the fade is awful at the best of times but those Red Templars do know how to pack a punch.’ He shrugs with some nonchalance.

‘Good’ I quickly sigh in relief before remembering the rest of the day and sitting back up with a gasp ‘Cullen! Is he ok? He told me to run but I don’t remember much after that.’

‘Your strapping young Templar is also fine, he is right next to you.’ I turn my head away from Dorian and see Cullen lying on the bed next to mine. I realize now that we are in the infirmary, I had only stopped in briefly before today when trying to establish just what the current best practices were in Thedosian medicine.

‘Oh’ I feel the relief wash over me as I notice his healthy skin color and the rise and fall of his chest. I allow his deep breathing to help slow my own, giving my thoughts the chance to catch up with my racing mind.

‘Wait, I used my mana. I did magic?’ I ask disbelieving.

‘Indeed you did, I had only just come round from that awful Smite but there you were, bathed in light almost like Andraste herself. It was pure healing magic and very powerful considering you have had no training, but then we did wonder what effect your late manifestation would have. The Commander didn’t even have a scratch on him by the time you passed out.’

 

‘Thea!’ I hear a shout from behind Dorian and Ellana runs into the room, Solas following behind her.

‘Thank Mythal you are ok.’ She hugs me quickly and firmly before stepping back to fluff my pillows and mother hen me. I can’t help but smile at the attention. ‘When I heard a Red Templar got in I was so angry, I wish I had listened to the Commander after all and we had gone to clear them out of Emprise. This would never have happened!’

‘Hey it’s ok’ I end up comforting Ellana instead of the other way around and she gives me another quick hug to show her appreciation.

 

‘We were just discussing Thea’s light show’ Dorian mentions to Solas and raises an eyebrow as if to get him to elaborate.

‘Ah yes, that was very strong magic you brought through the veil. I could sense it from the rotunda.’

‘That’s, good then right? Am I like a really powerful healer mage?’ I can feel my excitement growing, to finally be the best at something will be amazing.

‘Alas no.’

‘Oh’ I must look as confused as I feel as Solas quickly continues.

‘I hope you don’t mind but while you were unconscious I took the liberty of searching for you in the fade. Although I found where you should be you seem to be shielded in some way, I admit I haven’t seen anything like it before. You are connected to the fade, hence why you can use magic at all but whatever is causing your shielding whether it be innate to people from your world or granted by a spirit of some kind also hinders that connection. Can you tell me, did you recall dreaming in the fade whilst unconscious?’

I am trying to process Solas’ information so take a moment to compose my answer. ‘Well, I don’t know what the fade looks’ I lie, ‘but I don’t remember dreaming at all. My dreams since getting here are still the same random things they have always been from back home.’

‘Hmm I see. Well I think you have nothing to worry about.’ Solas ends suddenly.

‘Please Solas, what does this mean?’ I plead and he looks at me sympathetically. ‘I thought you said the magic I used was powerful?’ I don’t even try to hide my growing disappointment.

 

‘That’s what is fascinating my dear’ Dorian chips in to give Solas a break from my questioning. ‘Because of your late manifestation it was like a Dam bursting and all that pent up magic broke out. Thankfully you were trying to heal at the time, I dread to think how much of Skyhold you may have destroyed if you had been trying to start a fire. However it means that it was probably just a onetime thing.’

 

I don’t even respond, finally my magic manifests and I am still the most un-special, unremarkable painfully average person I always was.

‘It’s not all bad darling, Solas and I think that your shielding protects you from Demons too. You already have said you don’t dream in the fade so we think you are almost certainly immune to possession.

‘That’s good.’ I smile at Dorian but I know it is unconvincing.

 

I think on for a minute or so while the others chatter around me before I have a realization. ‘Do you think that’s why Alexius was expecting me in Redcliffe?’

Dorian looks thoughtful while I continue, ‘maybe he thought I could heal his son?’ I speculate.

‘Although it’s a passable theory’ Dorian concedes, ‘It doesn’t stand up to scrutiny. Your magic was strong but not out of the ordinary, it was just like 10 mages casting all at once and as we know magic can’t cure the blight. If that were the case then although spirit healers are rare the Imperium must still have several and Alexius would have looked much closer to home for a cure. We have discussed this before’ I see Ellana nod at Dorians mention ‘and we think a more likely theory is that Alexius was trying to bring a demon through and something went wrong. Of course he saw your attire and made the same assumption we all did which was why he then became angry with you.’

‘Huh, well that makes sense. I admit I had been worrying about Alexius for so long it’s a relief to finally have a plausible explanation.’

 

After some more friendly catch ups, including Sera bringing me some cookies and Cole bringing me one of my pink sneakers ‘to remind you, you are special’ he said. I am left alone with my thoughts, my memory of the attack comes back slowly and I internally wince at the bloody wounds I remember seeing on Cullen’s body and the unparalleled dread that I felt as I saw my defender crumple to the floor.

I use the memory to try and stretch out to reach the magic that is supposedly part of me. I can feel it, its small, more of an ember than a fire as I’ve heard other mages describe their magic but it’s mine. I focus again on healing and just let it wash throughout my body. It’s subtle but I do feel slightly better, truthfully I feel well enough to leave but I feel I owe it to Cullen to wait till he wakes. Plus the quiet will give me the chance to digest this new information and so I begin. Chewing on a cookie while I do so.

 

* * *

 

 

Cullen wakes about 2 hours later in the early afternoon. We must have both been unconscious through the night and I am quick to bring him over a glass of water while the Infirmary Healer fusses over him. Once she is satisfied she leaves to attend another patient down on the training field who ‘had broken their nose in training’.

 

‘This is what happens when I’m not there to supervise’ Cullen grumbles whilst propping himself up into a sitting position and looking at his left forearm where now only the faintest white line remains of the arm injury he got in the skirmish.

I go and sit next to him on the bed and offer him one of Sera’s cookies and we both sit and nibble without talking for a few minutes.

 

‘You took a blade for me. Idiot’ and I nudge him in the side to emphasize the point after the silence becomes unbearable.

‘I don’t feel like I’ve taken a blade, I actually feel well for a change.’ I see him also trace along another faint line across his bare chest. I have a brief panic and look down to check myself but see that although my bra has been removed I am wearing a thin white shift with my usual leggings.

‘Well that is probably something to do with the whole day you have been asleep and the ridiculous amount of healing energy I poured into you.’

‘You did?’ He looks sideways at me with shock.

‘Yes, my magic manifested when you got hurt and well, lucky you I had a natural affinity for healing magic.’ I brace myself for his response.

‘That’s good.’

‘Is it? I know how you feel about magic…’ I trail off. I have come to care too much about him and the thought of him now pulling away from me for something that is apparently innate, hurts more than I can express.

‘Thea, you know better than anyone that I’m not that man anymore. My closest friends in the Inquisition are a Tevinter Necromancer and a girl from another world.’ He laughs at his own self-realization with his husky warm voice and I can’t help but smile along with him.

‘Thank you for saving me’ I say as I grasp his hand and firmly squeeze to try and show just how grateful I really am.

‘Thank you for saving me’ he kindly responds while he swipes his thumb over the back of my hand but it doesn’t bring me comfort.

 

After a moment I lean forwards and put my forehead to his, just as I had done during his last bout of withdrawals only this time it was to soothe my torrent of emotions.

‘You wouldn’t have needed saving if you hadn’t been trying to defend me, if you had run for the guards instead... Please don’t do something reckless like that again. You are the Commander, you are essential to the Inquisition and more important than some newly minted mage.’

‘Not to me.’ His response, quiet and confident only upsets the balance of my emotions further.

‘Well I shouldn’t be.’ I pull my head away and try to pull away my hand but he doesn’t release his hold. ‘Cullen I’m not supposed to even be here, you know that, you know why I’m expendable.’

 

He pulls me into a hug and I let out a pitiful squeak in surprise. ‘Don’t, don’t say that about yourself, you are not expendable. You are…’ he doesn’t finish his sentence, instead just pulls me even closer to him.

I can feel the naked heat of him against my body and I can’t help but nuzzle my head down into his shoulder ‘Cullen’ I say breathlessly while he just holds me. ‘I’m so glad you’re ok’ I mumble into his neck.

For the first time I don’t try to push down the growing feelings I have for Cullen, instead I revel in them. It took a near death experience but I now know with some clarity it’s not just friendship, not just playful flirting and an admiration for his physique I feel for him. ‘I don’t know what I would do without you.’ I allow this small truth to slip from my lips, Cullen doesn’t respond but holds me closer.

 

After a minute long embrace neither of us are making any attempt to move and we hear a throat be cleared from the doorway of the infirmary. We quickly extricate ourselves from our suggestive position, pink on both our cheeks and I quickly return to my own bed as Leliana makes her way over towards us.

If she has any thoughts regarding what she has just witnessed she keeps them to herself at least for now. I understood from Cullen that the other Advisors were delighting in teasing him about our blossoming relationship at every private opportunity and no doubt this would be more fodder.

 

‘Leliana, how did this thing get into Skyhold? I can’t believe even in stealth it would have made it past your scouts, my soldiers and through the keep without being detected.’

‘Honestly at this point we aren’t sure. Dorian and Madam De Fer believe they could detect some residual magic from a portal, the magic was similar to that of the rifts and the Anchor but other than that we have nothing to go on.’ This was news to me. Who could generate Anchor like magic? I was racking my brain but it came up empty. One thing I was certain of was that Samson and his Red Templars did not have this capability.

 

‘Was the Inquisitor the target?’

‘No Cullen, we are certain it was after you.’

I see Cullen stiffen with Leliana’s revelation and am desperate to hold him close again but it would be unwelcome and unprofessional now.

‘Why the Commander?’ I ask the obvious question.

‘Cullen is the perfect target. He is our general, our master tactician and we have been winning every local skirmish with the Red Templars so far. By taking away our Commander and I presume corrupting him with Red Lyrium would have destroyed the armies morale.’

‘The blade was poisoned, they weren’t trying to recruit me they were trying to assassinate me if it hadn’t been for Thea’s magic-‘

‘No Commander. The blade wasn’t coated in poison, it was coated in a sleep serum. Whoever wants you was taking great precautions to make sure you were alive.’ He pauses, contemplating this new information.

‘Is there a risk of more of the army coming through?’

‘Our mages don’t believe so, whatever magic was used was limited and as their attempt to capture you in Skyhold was foiled I doubt they would try the same tactic again.’

‘Very well, thank you Leliana. I shall investigate the guard patrols in any case just to rule out negligence.’

With that she smiles towards us both, with a warmth I had not seen from her before and leaves the room.

 

My mind is reeling with Leliana’s information. ‘Hey’ Cullen catches my attention ‘what’s wrong?’

I move back over to his bed and sit down next to him again, ‘Cullen this, is new.’ He doesn’t seem to catch my meaning so I elaborate. ‘I didn’t know about this. I didn’t know there was ever an attempt on your life or to kidnap you and that worries me.’

‘Well perhaps it just wasn’t important enough to be included in the story? Varric has hundreds of tales about the Champion but not all of them made it into his book right.’

I can tell he is trying to cheer me up so just nod and smile to agree.

‘Besides, even if they make an attempt outside of Skyhold I’d be in armor and have weapons and despite you never coming to watch me on the training fields I can tell you with some confidence that I know how to defend myself.’ He smiles reassuringly again and I just lean my head on his shoulder for support.

‘Do you think we can get out of anymore dance training now?’ I ask with some humor and can just feel Cullen silently laughing under my head.

Once the healer returns we are both given the all clear and retire to our separate rooms. Despite Cullen’s positivity and reassurance I can’t shake the feeling of dread at the pit of my stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All credit to Ghil Dirthalen's lore videos


	15. Desperate Warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the mission that takes place in this chapter doesn't appear till after Wicked Eyes in game but it just fit in with the flow of the story better here, i hope it isn't too jarring for you all.

**Thea POV**

 

Another day, another Advisors meeting.

I don’t attend them religiously, some Leliana deems to be too ‘sensitive’ but I’m relieved that I’m allowed some access and have swayed a few minor decisions with my reasoning.

The Advisors had just been discussing the bard that Maryden had complained about, Cullen scoffs at the suggestion the army would even be involved in this dispute and I’m pleased when Ellana decides to use tact to resolve the issue.

 

My interest in the conversation is piqued when the Advisors begin discussing the options surrounding Clan Lavellan’s latest trials. Up until now both Leliana and Josephine had been handling the ongoing crisis as well as could have been expected.

The option now was to either send the army to help protect Wycombe against the growing threat from the other Free Marcher states, or to rely on Josephine’s diplomatic skills.

 

‘I’m sorry to interrupt but I think in this instance the army may be better suited.’

Josephine’s turns her head to give me a slight questioning gaze. ‘I mean no disrespect to you or Lady Volant Josephine, but speaking in my professional opinion it is better to err on the side of caution when facing what is at present an unknown risk.’

 

Ellana looks thoughtful for a moment, carefully considering what I have said. I am confident that she will listen to me on this so am shocked with her response.

‘What you have said is true but surely the other states will listen to reason when presented with the evidence. I think if Lady Volant can just speak to these nobles stirring up trouble, show them the Red Lyrium, then this situation will be resolved peacefully.’ She says it with a smile and for the first time I am taken aback by her cheerful optimism, for it to be so misplaced at such a time. Cullen steps in of course, he knows I only speak up when there is a matter of ‘concern.’

‘Inquisitor sending the army would lead to a peaceful resolution. The army in this instance would be a deterrent, not a hostile force and would allow diplomatic talks to take place whilst also ensuring the safety of your clan.’

‘Please Ellana, the Commander is right, this is your family. I know how important your Clan is to you, so don’t take this risk. Send the army, alongside the diplomatic instructions.’ I plead, begging her in my mind to reconsider.

‘Thea, it will be fine. I have the upmost faith in diplomacy in this instance, the army is better served continuing to stabilize Orlais and Fereldan. Now, let’s move on to what we should be doing with Sutherland’s troop.’

‘Ellana, I really think this is a mistake!’  I respond angrily and I know I have made an error as soon as my friend drops her gaze to the table.

‘Lady Amalthea!’ Cullen’s harsh tone cuts through the silence of the room.

‘The Inquisitor has made her decision, if this is not something you can abide by perhaps you should leave.’

I am too shocked to respond. I see that despite Cullen’s curt tone he does have a pleading look in his eye but it is lost on me as the grief I was beginning to feel at Ellana’s choice is replaced by a seething rage towards the Commander.

I drop my head and school my face into what I think is a neutral expression as the meeting continues, keeping my eyes fixed firmly on my note taking. The tension in the room is palpable and so the meeting runs shorter than expected.

 

‘Lady Amalthea, a word.’ Cullen says at the end of the meeting just as I was about to make my escape. Once the other attendees have filed out of the room and I’m certain we cannot be overheard I finally lift my angry eyes.

 

‘How dare you-‘

Cullen seemingly ignores my rage and moves closer to me, that pleading look in his eyes again. ‘How dare I? Thea, you can’t speak to the Inquisitor like that, what possessed you, what did you hope to achieve?’

‘I was trying to stop a massacre!’ I snarl and try to push my way past the Commander to the door.

‘You can’t.’ Cullen firmly grabs me around the waist and keeps my back pressed to his chest.

‘What do you think you are doing? Let go of me, I need to tell her!’ His armor is digging in painfully to my lower back but I ignore it as I try to pry his arm from around my middle.

‘It’s not your place to decide what information I do and don’t pass on.’ I continue to rant but am beginning to feel how hopeless my struggles against his grip are becoming.

‘No, but it’s not your place either!’

 

I still at what he has said, too shocked to continue my fight and Cullen uses the chance to try and explain himself.

‘You aren’t the Maker Thea. What you know it is a burden I can’t comprehend but if you do this its suicide, you know it. I wouldn’t be able to protect you.’

‘Saving myself is not a valid reason’ I hiss in response ‘I did that at Haven and I still feel the guilt to this day. Besides, you forgave me. Ellana will too.’

‘It’s not just Ellana. Leliana wouldn’t rest till she knows everything, you would lose your privileges, and you’d lose your home, your friends…’

‘I don’t care about me’ I cry back at his bleak assessment of my future.

‘Well I do!’ He shouts in reply but then quickly continues covering up his admission ‘Not just you, but what you had said, about affecting future events. It makes sense, so as much as you may want to I can’t let you interfere and risk all of Thedas.’ I sag against Cullen’s chest ‘I am truly sorry.’ He finally finishes softly and I feel him just gently rest the side of his face against the back of my head.

 

Using my own rational argument against me is a masterstroke and I feel the fight fall out of my limbs and mind. We stand there for a minute, the heat of argument continuing to subside.

I finally let out a large sigh and right myself, Cullen’s grip loosening till I am able to step away and without looking back make my way out of the War Room door.

‘Thea, please’ I hear the Commander shout for me but just pretend not to hear him and increase my pace.

 

* * *

 

 The best piece of advice my Grandfather ever gave me was not to drink when sad, so I send up a little prayer of apology as I order my third mead of the day even though it is barley past noon.

If Cabot has any opinions on my early start at he is wisely keeping them to himself while I nurse myself through my grief and lingering anger. Several drinks later the error of my ways is finally revealed to me when Dorian bursts into the tavern, all noise and mirth.

‘Thea darling, there you are! You missed our dance lesson. I had to partner the Commander, he has gotten rather good hasn’t he.’ The lessons were supposed to re-start today, I had forgotten in my self-induced Tavern exile.

Dorian does his best to entertain me with his playful speech, teasing about ‘my Templar’ and bringing up his budding rivalmace with the Bull but I’m not tempted to enter a proper conversation. The mead starting make my eye-lids heavy and Dorian’s noise is bringing forth a headache of epic proportions.

‘Well whatever is the matter dear you can tell me when you are ready.’

‘Didn’t he understand that I couldn’t talk?’ I consider replying to him in my inebriated state but think the better of it. Instead making my excuses and stumbling back to my room to try and sleep off my remaining misery and the copious amounts of alcohol I have consumed.

 

* * *

 

 

It has long been dark in my room. I haven’t had the will to venture outside, to eat or drink. The most exertion I had managed was to channel a tiny spark of my magic into a flame, lighting a solitary candle on my desk. The fire remains unlit, I don’t have the strength of magic for it and I haven’t sent for a servant.

I hear a faint knocking on my door and am considering ignoring it ‘Thea, its Cullen are you in there?’

I probably at least owe him an apology for missing our dance training and so slowly pull myself out of my fetal position on the bed and make my way over to the chamber door.

I slide the bolt back across and slowly allow a small slither of the outside into my cold dark room. Cullen is there, he had forgone his armor which meant it must have been very late, he usually only removed it long after I had left his tower.

‘Thea, might I come in?’ I move aside without making eye contact, agreeing without words and re-closing the door behind us. Cullen quickly surveys his surroundings, looking at my single candle, my unlit hearth and red rimmed eyes. He grips my hands and tuts out of concern ‘come on, you’re freezing.’

He leads me to the edge of my bed, pushing my shoulder slightly so I sit down. I half watch him while he begins to light the fire in my room and arrange more candles. He pours me a glass of water which I begin to sip out of practice rather than thirst. Once he is satisfied that at least my room is comfortable he stands awkwardly for a moment before sitting on the chaise opposite my place on the bed.

 

‘I went to see the Inquisitor earlier’, he begins. ‘I asked her again to reconsider sending the army, suggesting it would give you peace of mind but she still refused.’ He looks up but I still can’t make eye contact with him. He sighs, ‘Thea, what is going to happen?’

With that question I finally allow a few tears to fall. I don’t cry loudly, just sit there in silence, not allowing myself to speak but hoping that the pain I am expressing through my eyes is enough for Cullen to realize…

‘I see’ Cullen sags his shoulders. I’m glad I don’t need to voice it, glad of his silent support and vote of confidence. I felt as though even without my advanced knowledge he would have appealed to the Inquisitor again, he trusts and believes in me and that makes me feel wonderful but it also hurts that even now I can’t be as open with him as I want to be.

 

I finally look up and see him sat there, a pensive look on his face as his mind is working, working. Trying to think of any solution, anything he can say or do to make a difference. He pinches the bridge of his nose and I can see the pain I’m causing my friend. It’s not right that he should be suffering in this too and am determined not to cause him more distress.

I leave the bed silently but he doesn’t notice as I take the two steps over to where he is sitting. Without announcement I take hold of the hand he is rubbing his forehead with and lift it up. I force myself onto his lap, curled up like a child and drape his arm back down over me.

 

He stiffens, unwilling to move or even speak in case he upsets me further so I nuzzle into his warm chest, trying to show that the tears have stopped falling for now. He finally breathes and allows himself to relax and we sit in companionable silence, I don’t know how long for.

 

Eventually I speak up although it’s only a whisper. ‘I should have told her’ my voice is hoarse from crying and lack of water.

‘No, no you couldn’t. It’s the same as Haven.’

‘It’s not, it’s preventable.’ He doesn’t respond right away, instead thinking of a response.

‘Thea, you always tell me you aren’t supposed to be here.’ My head leaves his chest to glance up at him, not sure where he is going with this. ‘If you think that’s true, even if I don’t believe it myself, then what has happened _was_ inevitable. You have attempted to change the Inquisitors mind, we both have, but it’s her story, her decision to make and we are both just pieces on a board. There’s only so much we can do, what matters is, you tried.’

His words actually make a lot of sense and I ponder them for a moment. If I hadn’t been here, the decision would have been the same. Cullen had very quickly cut off the root of all my worrying and self-loathing with a sound, rational explanation.

 

‘The Inquisitor is a formidable woman and she will bounce back from this. She has you, has her friends. She has Solas.’ I stiffen at the mention of the Elf’s name and although Cullen doesn’t ask, I know he can tell that there is more to come.

He laments ‘I’m sorry I can’t take this burden from you.’ He touches his forehead to mine for a moment before pulling back to study my face as I am studying his. I can’t imagine how haggard I look but Cullen, Cullen looks like a bronzed Adonis in the light from the hearth and candles. His amber eyes and golden hair are resplendent in the glow.

Despite how crushed I still feel at that moment I can’t stop myself from leaning forward hoping to seek comfort in his lips.

‘Cullen, kiss me’ I say so softly that I’m not sure he has heard me. But then I hear a small gasp from him and I see him glance quickly to study my flushed face and parted lips. He closes his eyes and I think begins to lean forward before quickly sitting up straight, putting space between us.

‘Thea, you’ve been drinking’ he says firmly but not coldly.

It is the only response I am given to my feeble plea for comfort and I can only mumble out a small ‘I’m sorry’ before the mortification sets in and I pull into myself tighter.

‘Of course Cullen doesn’t feel the same way as me’ I chastise myself. He is kind, we flirt yes but the more I look at his fine face seeing only concern in his eyes the more certainty I feel that my deeper feelings aren’t reciprocated.

‘I’ll get off you’ I begin to pull away myself wanting to hide from him in my embarrassment, but as he did earlier today he just winds his strong arm around my waist and holds me closely.

I give up the fight much quicker than we did during our argument and quickly settle back down into his embrace, basking in crackle of the fireplace, his warmth and his scent.

 

I don’t remember falling asleep but when I wake up I am in my own bed, the fire has died down but there is still warmth from the embers. Despite my earlier pain and embarrassment I allow myself a small smile at my memory of Cullen’s comforting arms. ‘That will be enough’ I tell myself before snuggling my head back under my blanket.

 

\--

 

The report comes in a week later.

Josephine lets out a gasp of sorrow and her eyes glaze over with tears, Cullen and Leliana hang their heads and Ellana. Ellana screams pitifully before crumpling to the ground, her frame racked with tears. I move round the table and hold her from behind on the floor, not trying to soothe or say anything, just sharing in her pain. The Advisors make no move to speak, to apologize, too shocked at seeing their previously cheerful and indomitable leader reducing to the crying huddle on the floor.

 

After 10 minutes her sobs subside and she disentangles herself from my arms. We both stand up and she quickly rubs my cheeks where she can see I have been crying for her. She offers me a kindly smile and a quick nod when I begin to ask her if she is going to be ok.

As soon as she turns her face away from me, her eyes focusing back on the war table she hardens instantly.

 

‘I’m leaving for Emprise Du Lyon now.’ Her tone is cold but I can empathize. She is shutting herself down, not willing to show more weakness in front of others.

‘But Inquisitor the preparations for the peace talks.’ Josephine is roused from her silent state at the Inquisitors outburst.

‘Hang the peace talks! I am done sitting around this castle playing nice with the nobles while Thedas burns around me. I won’t let anyone else die-‘ she chokes back her emotions again and I rub her arm soothingly.

 

‘Can I help you pack Ellana?’ I offer in as gentle as voice as I can but she shakes her head with a negative. ‘I’m sorry Thea. I just can’t be around Shems right now’ and she strides out of the War Room leaving me and the Inquisitions Advisors at a loss.

 

Within the hour she is on the bridge out of Skyhold, Solas, Sera and Bull in tow.

I went to wave them off as I always do but Ellana doesn’t respond. Only Bull turns to look at me and he gives me a small nod at my unasked question. At least I know they will take good care of her and she won’t be suffering alone.

 

I return to Cullen’s office. He is there, hunched over his paper strewn desk. I gently touch his shoulder and he places his hand over mine where it lays.

After a moment of silence I see him right himself, shaking off the sorrow to re-focus.

‘To work?’ I ask him with a coy smile, he gently rubs his thumb over my hand before nodding and responding in agreement.

‘To work.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So truthfully i re-wrote this chapter this morning, i wasn't happy with how angsty Thea was and much prefer the fiery drama instead. I hope you all agree.   
> I'm so excited for the next 3 chapters ;)


	16. The Last Eagle Flies

Thea POV

 

I am still permitted to attend ‘some’ Advisors meetings but have been much more steadfast in my no interference rule. The reports we receive from the Inquisitor during her month in Emprise Du Lyon make for extremely sober reading and it gives me no pleasure or satisfaction to see Josephine cover her mouth in shock, Cullen to ball his fist in anger and even to see Leliana’s cool mask slip.

First the starvation of the masses in the town, caused by a combination of the Civil War blocking almost all trade and the unnaturally strong winter which was prevailing even into early summer.

Secondly the sheer number of Red Templar’s in the area, the excessive amount of outposts Ellana and her team have cleared including the taking Suledin Keep.

 

Lastly, the vile reports from the Red Lyrium Mines. It had clearly distressed all the Advisors as when Cullen came back to our now shared office he felt he had to ask the question.

‘That was what upset you at the time wasn’t it, why you wanted to go to Emprise first?’

I can only nod. He puts his hand briefly on my shoulder, a silent apology before returning to his own desk.

 

After a while of studious work with renewed focus Cullen breaks our companionable silence.

‘The evidence found in the mines suggests Samson’s base is at the Shrine of Dumat. The Inquisitor has asked that I head out as soon as possible, I think she understands my need to put an end to this myself.’

‘That’s good’ I smile but choose not to make eye contact.

‘Is there anything you can tell me?’ I glance up at his request and quickly rack my brain. There aren’t really any choices at the Shrine. I already know he will be disappointed not to catch Samson but if I tell him his rival won’t be there, then he might not go, causing Samson to stay put... and the chain of events begins to change. There were the tools though, that was about as much interference as I felt comfortable giving. I sigh ‘just do a thorough search and be safe.’ I couldn’t be any more direct than that but he still seemed somewhat troubled.

‘Seeing as you are heading out tomorrow, let’s do dinner tonight. We can drink some more of that whiskey, we haven’t touched it in ages?’ I suggest cheerfully and he agrees with a nod and small smile.

 

I hadn’t drank anything since the day Ellana made the decision regarding her clan’s fate. I wanted to believe it was because I was trying to be healthier, but the real reason was the man whom I shared such a close proximity with.

Neither of us had brought up that night, that almost kiss. Not only was I still deeply embarrassed at my forwardness but it still hurt me that he had refused. I could almost hear the ‘positive’ voice of Lucy telling me it was just because I had been drinking and he was being a gentleman but it was completely overcome by my mortification, that I had expressed feelings which were not reciprocated.

‘It’s better this way’ I told myself again soothingly. He was my only confidante, one of my closest friends and a respected colleague. Adding my romantic feelings into the mix would only jeopardize the fragile balance of our friendship and I would never be so foolish again.

 

\--

 

On his second whiskey Cullen finally opens up to me about what had been troubling him all day.

‘I’m worried about going to the Shrine.’

‘Oh, are you concerned about their kidnapping attempt?’ He scoffs at my remark.

‘No I told you before I don’t fear that at all, let them try it. It’s, it’s my Lyrium withdrawal.’ He sighs at the admission before explaining further. ‘It has been a lot better but I still am anxious about being so exposed to the Red Lyrium.’  He pauses to rub the back of his neck in that familiar gesture. ‘What such a small amount did to Meredith. I can’t stand the thought of falling back into the paranoid mistrust of my past, fearing mages without cause.’ He gives me a desperate look then, asking for reassurance and I’m confident that at least with this I can help.

‘Cullen, whatever you find there I _know_ you will never fall back into your old ways.’ I don’t need to say more, he understands my tone, my implication and I see his shoulders sag slightly in relief. ‘Thank you, it’s good to have your belief in me.’

 

‘If you find yourself struggling you could write to me?’ I suggest hopefully.

‘I’d like that’

‘Me too’

‘You said that’

 I flush at my own words but don’t say anything more on the subject.

 

\--

 

Cullen leaves the following day and I’m not ashamed at the firm hug I give him in his office before he departs. ‘I’ll miss your company Cullen’ I whisper into his embrace. He pulls back and takes my hand giving it a small kiss ‘take care My Lady.’ I can’t help the small hitch of my breath at the action or the look in his eyes.

‘Could he…’ but I shut the thought down. He was going to be away for weeks and was just being chivalrous. I offer him my prettiest smile in return and then wave him off as he goes. As much as I will miss him perhaps the separation will do me some good. Seeing him intimately and daily wasn’t helping matters and although I knew I would never act upon my feelings it was so hard not to yearn for more.

 

‘Lady Amalthea’ I hear Josephine call me from my spot in the courtyard.

‘Josephine, what can I do for you?’

‘Well with the Commander gone I was hoping to take advantage of your increased free time’ she replies with a slight smirk but I choose to her ignore the implication.

‘Of course, I am at your disposal Lady Ambassador.’

‘Keep that positive attitude, you will need it’ she says with good humor before leading me to her office.

 

* * *

 

 

As it turns out the good humor _is_ needed for the frankly enormous task of turning me into a spy fit for Halamshiral. I have lessons regarding the Nobility and their houses, Etiquette, Mannerisms and Politics. The dancing lessons which we never re-started were only an hour long but Josephine has me studying almost all of the afternoon and into early evening.

Despite the work leaving me exhausted, mentally at least, I find I am having trouble sleeping.

I hadn’t slept well since Cullen had left, I _knew_ he would be fine but the irrational part of my brain wouldn’t listen. I lay in bed one such night thinking about how good it had felt to fall asleep in his arms when I think I hear a small noise from the far corner of my room. I move over to where my mirror and chest is and see something out of place.

Picking up the white bundle of fabric I quickly examine what looks to be a man’s shirt.

‘How did it get here’ I begin to wonder but then I faintly detect the smell of Elderflower and Oakmoss from the fabric and it all makes sense.

‘Thank you Cole’ I whisper to the room and as there is no response I waste no time in stripping off my night dress and putting on Cullen’s stolen shirt.

 

It is very short, hardly keeping me decent but is also wonderfully baggy on my frame, only faintly tight around my chest. I loosen the collar as much as possible without having the thing slip off my shoulders and give myself a tentative hug.

I can already detect a stupid grin on my face as I hop back into my bed, wrapping my arms around myself and letting the comforting scent help me drift off to a restful sleep.

 

\--

 

My worry for the Commander is only surpassed by my ongoing worry for Ellana and I’m so eager for news from her party that I frequently climb up to Leliana’s tower to see if there has been any response to my letters. Despite her abrupt departure she had kept up a diligent correspondence with me and for that I was grateful. She would tell me about all the sights she was seeing on her travels and I would tell her about the goings on at home.

 

_I have also been learning how to properly ride a horse. Apart from the odd occasion whilst in school I had never really rode for any length of time and so I need a lot of help._

_Thankfully the beautiful Grey Mare that Dennet has lent me has the sweetest temperament and we are immediately the best of friends much to Dorian’s dismay._

I stop and brush the end of my nose with my Quill, an idea forming. Perhaps I could see some of the sights of Thedas after all. Now my magic had manifested I wasn’t completely helpless and the thought of spending another year or two within these walls was quickly losing its appeal.

I made the suggestion at the end of my letter and closed with my usual farewells. Heading back up to the rookery to get the reply sent along with my latest letter for Cullen.

 

My letters to the Commander were much the same as the ones for the Inquisitor and his responses equally professional to me apart from a few small touches. He frequently addressed me as ‘My Lady’ which made me giggle every time I re-read his words. I had ventured so far as to say his tower was too lonely without him, warning him that I had finished his whiskey in his absence and that I was looking forward to meeting back up with him at Halamshiral.

I also put an ‘X’ at the end of my farewells. That tradition didn’t seem to be present in Thedas and so the girlish delight I felt at sending secret kisses to him was purely for the benefit of my imagination.

 

During my limited free time outside of Josephine’s lessons and whilst waiting for more correspondence I begin work on a small project I had had in mind for a while. I was an average artist ‘like most things’ I scoff at my self-depreciation, but knew that I could draw a cartoon-y style fairly well. And so began making a short flip book about a white spotted Mabari who is first sniffing, then digging and finally unearths a bone which he proudly gives to his Master.

His ‘Master’ is in the form of a gloved hand which pets his ‘good boy’ from the side of the page after he has fetched the bone.

The doodling takes me a few days even though I had cut the paper size down but despite my cramp from the quill I am delighted with the finished results. Maybe Cullen will remember this on the day he finds his beloved dog, I’m a little tearful that I most likely won’t be here then but at least with this I can leave something of myself behind that’s frivolous.

 

Stretching out my back I head up to the Rookery and find a response waiting from me from Ellana. Leliana gives me a curious gaze, as if to question what madness has possessed me (of course she reads my letters) but I just shrug it off. She doesn’t need to know I’m running away from my unrequited feelings although I wouldn’t be surprised if she could guess.

Ellana _loves_ the Idea of me coming along to the Western Approach after Halamshiral. Thinks I will be of lots of use especially as they are planning on targeting a Keep there that I could help manage till someone from the army, ‘Rylen’ I think, comes along. Her whole letter is full of such flowery and happy language that I am more certain than ever of my plan.

 

That certainty is only briefly squished when I receive Cullen’s response regarding my proposed trip.

He is full of concern for my well-being of course, reminding me that I can’t fight, that there are Darkspawn and Dragons in the desert that I won’t be able to face. But as his letter shows only concern, no other emotion to my searching eyes, my mind is made up.

‘Who knows, maybe while I’m away a Trevelyan will stop by.’ I think jealously putting his letter with my others before planning what I should pack for the Approach.

 

* * *

 

 

The last thing I do before we leave is place the small bundle of paper on the edge of the Cullen’s desk with an explanatory note on the cover about how to ‘operate’ his gift.

 

_‘How can pictures move?’_

_You once asked me, well prepare to be amazed._

_Your Unicorn, Always_

_X_

 

I finally leave Skyhold for the first time in almost a year and can’t help but be excited. My mare is behaving beautifully despite my frequent wobbles and very amateur riding style and I spend some of the journey making tiny little braids in her mane, plucking the odd daisy from taller shrubs to weave into her hair.

All of the inner circle, even those not attending the Ball are making the way to Val Royeaux as Ellana had yet to decide whom would be accompanying her to the Western Approach and as such we make for a merry party.

I hadn’t thought to ever venture outside the castle walls before now but as we make good time down through the mountains and into the valley below I feel I have been missing out.

Thedas is beautiful, unspoiled and despite the threat of danger is well worth my admiration.

 

We only spend one night on the road, the route to Val Royeaux was now so frequently traveled by nobles that many improvements had been made. Also the relative safety the Inquisition had fostered only expedited our journey times, a small blessing as despite my practice I was still getting familiar with spending time in the saddle.

This stood us in good stead for our ongoing journey after the ball to the far west, despite being a greater distance the old Imperial Highway meant it would only take a day or so more than if we were travelling to Redcliffe. It was a relief that if I did need to return to Skyhold with any urgency it would only take a few days of hard riding.

We arrive at the outskirts of Val Royeaux late morning, our base of operations is of course Duke Bastien’s summer estate. We are greeted by a small army of servants, all of whom are Elvish and I can see with delight that the Ellana’s and Cullen’s mounts are already in the stables. The stable hand shoots me a very odd gaze when he notices what can only be described as a flower crown weaved into my horses mane and sweeping around her ears but I just stare back with a smug glare of my own ‘please take good care of her’ I say with kindness before making my way back into the courtyard.

 

‘Ellana!’ I don’t try to hide my delight at seeing my friend again as she makes her way into the courtyard to greet the party that had traveled from Skyhold. I had been so worried about her since the loss of her clan and took my time to fuss over her and ask if she was eating enough and if Bull and Sera had been taking good care of her.

 

Cullen comes over to where I am chatting with Ellana and I can’t help the feelings that radiate from me when he finally comes into view. The month of travelling has done nothing to diminish my admiration for him and I can’t help but think that the old saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ rings true. He looks no worse for wear after his trip and exposure to Red Lyrium. The mid-summer expedition having done wonders for his skin tone and brought out even more golden highlights in his hair.

 

I cut myself off from staring and instead fix a pleased smile on my face, ‘Hi’ I say feebly and a bit breathlessly as he approaches.

‘Hi’ he responds with that smoldering smirk at my apparent discomfort.

‘How are-‘

‘Lady Amalthea, we must go to the Spa now.’ I hear Vivienne’s shout from across the small courtyard and feel my shoulders sag. 

‘Now, but I’ve only just arrived’ I shout back trying to buy myself even a few more minutes in Cullen’s presence.

‘Yes and we were already late. You have a full day ahead of you, you can catch up with your friends after the Ball.’

‘Yes Madam De Fer’ I respond with as much petulance as I dare. I give Ellana a quick hug goodbye and as I’m walking away cast a quick glance over my shoulder to see Cullen watching my retreat with what my overactive imagination hopes is a look of longing on his face.

 

\--

 

‘Now tell me again what your role is’ Leliana singsongs from the small spa bed next to me.

Although I was annoyed to have been pulled away so soon from my unrequited love I had to admit I was enjoying the feeling of being pampered and preened.

The last time I had taken any real care of my appearance had been when I was getting all of my Unicorn makeup off and it did feel nice to be just a little bit girly again.

‘Ok, oops’ one of the mini-cheese wheels drops from my eyes and I quickly replace it before beginning.

‘My name is still Amalthea King, my family has many lucrative trade deals and control of trade routes along the Amaranthine cost with Antiva. We are recently raised to Nobility in Hercinia due to my Fathers _large_ contributions to the government and as such we hadn’t been seen in Southern society before. The trip to Orlais is to expand my Fathers influence and also possibly find a marriage for me. As such I am to flirt my way around the ballroom, avoiding dancing if possible so as best to overhear the gossip. I can introduce myself in French, I mean Orlesian, but other than that can’t speak the language.’

 

‘Perfect, Josie you have trained her well.’

‘Lady Thea has done all of the work, don’t be too convincing however, we don’t want you to actually find a husband. What would poor Cullen do?’

Josephine and Leliana laugh at my expense but I can only give a somewhat pained smile, glad the hurt in my eyes was being hidden by the ridiculous cheese goggles.

 

* * *

 

 

Once returned to the Bastien estate I am saddened to hear that Cullen has already left with his soldiers to get the guards and some of the spy’s into place. I don’t have long to lament however as I am quickly whisked away by some servants to begin my dressing up for the evening.

 

My chosen dress is a deep Scarlet velvet that does compliment my pale complexion and darker hair. It is very much in the Orlesian style which means a corseted top, accentuating my already generous curves almost to the level of indecency, and an awful hoop skirt. Thankfully rather than have layers of petticoats underneath the main skirt I had instead opted for a tight pair of black leggings. I was grateful that the fewer layers meant I wouldn’t overheat and at least had a reasonable chance of not tripping on stairs. As the skirt was first buttoned and then tied with an extravagant bow at the base of spine there is a small moment when I worry I will look like one of those frilly doll toilet roll holders but it is mercifully short lived.

 

My feet were adorned in black ankle boots tied up with scarlet ribbon, the heel was just 2 inches or so but gave me enough of a lift that I could almost see the tone in my lower legs due to my horse riding. The skirt was poofy but gracefully light due to the flexible wire frame underneath, not over adorned with subtle gold stitching to accentuate the flowing curves which draped from my hips. The matching scarlet and gold velvet swept up into the corseted top of the gown, not over-adorned again but with a delicate off the shoulder neckline which helped to balance out the width of the skirt.

My long waves had been washed and re-curled before being pinned up, several loose curls already breaking free but the affect was lovely, complimenting my smokey eye-makeup and red stained lips.

I couldn’t help but giggle whilst I did a small twirl, Josephine and Leliana cooing appreciatively before handing me my simple gold mask for the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the chapters are going to start getting a little longer, this is because i foolishly decided to use song lyrics for my chapter titles and well... i'm running out of lyrics.


	17. Dusty Fountain

**Cullen POV**

 

My uniform for the event although cut far too tight, despite what the other Advisors may say, did at least look striking. We made for a somewhat intimidating team in our black silk brocade with white sash and epaulets and certainly stood out amongst the dizzying sea of color of the Ball room.  

 

Perhaps that’s why I seemed to be attracting so much attention. ‘No thank you’ I say for what must be the fiftieth time that evening whilst trying to shrug off the hand of the faceless ninny trying to stroke my bicep. I couldn’t understand what was possessing these Orlesian’s to flit about me as they were. I had been firm in all my refusals to dance, walk with or even entertain the masked ensemble before me but their persistence was grating and only served to further my discomfort at the whole charade.

 

The one woman I would consider dancing with this evening was nowhere to be seen. Of course I was aware she would be wearing a mask, but I couldn’t Imagine even with that I wouldn’t recognize the one I had been pining over for a year.

‘How wrong I was’ I think when I finally catch her voice and can’t help but turn my head to her direction.

Her height makes her stand out first of all, she is at least a three inches taller than the petite nobleman on her arm. Shamelessly the second thing I notice are her curves ‘Andraste have mercy’ I think while unashamedly staring.

I had often scoffed when Jospehine and Leliana would discuss the benefits of corsetry but the push up of her breasts combined with forced narrowing of her waist was a sinful combination and I could only be thankful for the affect.

Her dress wasn’t ostentatious but the deep red which so suited her complexion and dark hair so, also made her stand out amongst the crowd. She was wearing a simple gold half mask leaving her full stained lips, in a similar shade of red to her dress exposed. They looked so soft and delectable as I saw her slightly pout and narrow what I could see of her eyes at the woman touching my arm.

 

‘Have you heard, Du Rellion has gotten drunk and is out in the garden? He is singing bawdy tavern songs, quite the sight!’ She is supposedly whispering to the man currently escorting her around the room but I’m certain she is being purposefully audible.

Her over-speaking of this apparently salacious gossip catches the attention of my group of admirers and they quickly make their way out into the garden to see the show.

She doesn’t stop to speak with me, instead continuing her slow walk around but she does catch my eye.

I see a twinkle from beneath her mask and her red stained lips turn up ever so slightly in a beautifully coy smile. I bite the inside of my cheek, hard. It’s all I can do to not to pull her off the arm of the fop currently parading her around, steal her away and claim those lips for my own.

 

Still, despite the ‘other’ uncomfortable sensations I am beginning for feel I am at least pleased to have a moment to myself to breathe.

I had been such a fool to turn down those lips when she had offered them to me chivalry be damned. My dreams had been offering up helpful examples of what ‘could’ have happened if I had just given in to her sweet temptation and I shake those thoughts away, these trousers were far too tight for such musings.

I hadn’t had the confidence to bring that night up with Thea despite how I longed to. Truthfully I hadn’t felt worthy of any deeper affection, my battle with Lyrium still ongoing. Then I noticed she had pulled away in the days and weeks following, easing off on her flirting with me. I could only assume it was down to her embarrassment at her intoxicated proposal and no longer wanting to lead me along. I see the admiring stares of the men and the jealous stares of the women, and it reminds me again that I am lucky enough with her friendship.

 

Apart from the odd brief glimpse I see no more of Thea for the rest of the evening and it is probably a kindness. If she had been asked to dance, had been held as I used to hold her, have another man kiss her hand…I ball my hand into a fist at the thought, not caring if my protectiveness was bordering on possessiveness.

 

There is work to be done however and the Inquisitors reports from her investigations reveal again why I despise Orlesians. Ellana seems to be similarly affected, especially when she briefs us on the murder of the Elven servants in the kitchen. I can see her pale, her cheerfulness receding into barely contained anger. I remember Thea’s words _‘even if everything goes ‘well’ in Halamshiral people still die_ ’ and feel pity for the poor souls who are collateral damage in this Game.

As the evening is drawing to a close the Inquisitors cool demeanor is finally broken when she surprisingly chooses an immediate execution for the Duchess Florilene.

It was an out of character decision from our usually merciful Inquisitor, Jospehine struggles to hide her shock whilst the Inquisitor begins negotiating a reconciliation between Empress Celene and Ambassador Briala.

Although I’m saddened Thea is going to the Western Approach I can’t help but feel that her presence as the Inquisitors confidante will once again return our Leaders cheerful disposition back to her.

 

* * *

 

I keep watch as the Ball continues, as if there hadn’t even been a massacre here tonight. In truth, the crowd is starting to thin and I sigh in relief that the Inquisitions work is done for the evening.

I feel a presence come and stand next to me ‘Do you want to get out of here?’ The voice I’d missed so much says quietly for my ears only and I close my eyes to let her soothing presence wash over me.

‘Maker’s breath yes, I’d go to the void with you right now if it meant getting out of this place.’

She giggles in the elegant manner she has been taught ‘the balcony then?’

At that moment I see Solas head through the doors of the balcony just as the Witch Morrigan returns ‘It might be occupied?’

‘Ahh’ I see Thea says with a knowing look at Solas’ retreating form. ‘We should let the lovebirds have their privacy then. To the gardens?’

‘Lead on My Lady’ I say as I offer her my arm leading her out of the main room towards the private Gardens.

 

As we pass through the galleries towards the Gardens I do notice that we are attracting some stares and whispers. I had been stalwart in my refusal to dance with or even entertain any of the Ball’s guests tonight and so am not so surprised at a certain amount of frustration now I appear to be leaving with a mystery woman.

 Thea of course can understand the whispering behind the Orlesian’s fans and I feel her stiffen through our linked arms although what I can see of her face remains completely neutral.

I feel more at peace as soon as we reach the cooler air of the gardens but Thea doesn’t stop walking, leading us deeper until she finds a secluded glade well away from the main ballroom. It is a small but pretty square with an old but still working fountain in the center, stone benches on either side and is completely enclosed by overgrown hedges and vine laden trellises. The noise from the fountain and the moonlight pouring in to our hideaway quickly washes away any negative feelings I still felt from the Ball.

 

As soon as we stop she rips off her mask and tosses it carelessly onto a small stone bench I can see she is angry about whatever was just said in the hallway but I’m not sure how to start.

‘Are you ok?’ Seems like a safe option.

‘It’s like being back at school all over again.’ She paces and waves her arms animatedly before realizing she is throwing a small but endearing tantrum. ‘I’m just being silly Cullen, they are only words and I’ve heard far worse. Ugh, here help me out of this thing. I am so over playing dress up.’

She turns her back to me and points to a ribbon at the very base of her spine.

‘Thea, are you sure, here?’

‘Calm down Commander, I’m wearing something underneath. I don’t actually plan on getting naked in front of you again any time soon.’ I grin at her complaint, I have been back in her company for a few minutes and already it feels as if we had never been apart.

‘Tease’ I respond whilst I begin to undo the large complicated bow and then the three small buttons below it. I bite my lip trying very hard to ignore that the buttons trail over the swell of her ass.

 

Once done she forces the skirt down with no ceremony and steps out of it. Somehow the skirt holds most of its shape. ‘Hoops are just ridiculous, I hope I never have to wear something so stupid again.’ She says but I don’t register, instead looking at the skin tight black leggings she is now standing in. That coupled with the velvet bustier of her dress was making me feel especially uncomfortable, especially in these maker forsaken tight trousers. She still seems troubled by what had happened earlier and so to lighten the mood I try to be bold. ‘Would you care for a dance my Lady? I theatrically bow just as we had done during our practices and offer out my hand to her with a smirk.

She beams back at me ‘I’d be delighted my Lord’ and not wasting another moment I sweep her into a hold, keeping our bodies at a respectable distance. The music is barely audible but we aren’t trying to put on a show for anyone.

‘Is this wise Commander? The last time we danced you got stabbed.’

‘That I did, I can’t imagine how I offended you so to be on the receiving end of such harsh treatment.’

‘Can you not? You have done plenty to offend me over the course of our acquaintance Commander. It’s a miracle we are friends at all.’

‘Perhaps, you are a cruel woman but I have missed you, stabbings and all.’ I spin her gently before pulling her back into hold. I try to cover up my statement about missing her by asking the first question that springs to mind.

‘Ah…are you sad that you didn’t get to dance more this evening?’

‘Hah, not at all. There was more than enough fun to be had listening in on gossip I had no interest in, guessing which wine I was drinking was poisoned and oh yes, watching the delightful and very public stabbing of a would-be regicidal maniac. Besides, you’re the only partner worth having.’ She looks up and offers me a small smile before clearing her throat and quickly changing the subject from her apparent boldness.

 

‘By the way you are going to have a lot of fun deciding what to do with those remains of hers.’ I didn’t want her to hide behind her jokes and teasing as she usually did, I just had to get her to open up a bit more.

‘I also recall the last time we danced you said you would show me how couples dance from your home world.’ She immediately flushes with embarrassment.

‘I did, didn’t I? I have had sufficient wine and we don’t have an audience but I’m afraid I just don’t think I have the confidence for it.’ She looks genuinely sorry and a little hurt by her own revelation so I try to distract her by pulling her in closer to me. She rests her head on my shoulder, I hear her sigh and lean into my chest, all pretense at dancing stopping as we hardly sway in the moonlight.

 

‘What had those women said to make you so unhappy?’

‘Just the usual, that I’m a barbarian, too tall, too much of a dog to be on your arm. I’ve heard it all before it’s just...’

‘What’

‘After hearing so many people say things like that you start to believe them you know.’

‘You’re beautiful.’ I say with clarity and although she looks momentarily pleased and stunned, her lack of confidence quickly takes back over.

‘Now who is teasing hmm?’

I stop our swaying completely and force her to look me in the eye. Her blue-green eyes are sparkling with emotions and I repeat ‘Thea, you are beautiful, and intelligent and thoughtful and I would be a truly awful person if I let you think otherwise about yourself.’

This time at my assertion she flushes deeply, I see her bite her lower lip briefly while she studies mine. ‘That’s’ she pauses while considering her next words, looking away at the same time ‘a very kind thing for a friend to say, thank you.’

 

I can’t, won’t let her think that those words came from a place of friendship, I want more and so I do the only thing I can think of to show her. I tilt her chin so she is forced to look me in the eye again as I bring my face closer to hers. She leans in to the tilt and closes her eyes ‘Thea’ I say as softly as a prayer I bring our lips together gently, reverently.

I pull back after a moment and try to scan her face for any signs of disapproval. She slowly opens her eyes and does the same to me, slight disbelief on her face. I see her visibly swallow before she moves her hand up to the back of my neck, closing her eyes again this time she presses forward as she brings our lips together with more force and hunger than my first whisper of a kiss.

Her lips are as soft as they look and she tastes only slightly of the wine she had been drinking that night. She gasps slightly as I pull her even closer to me, no spare inch between our bodies as I deepen the kiss not even breaking for air. She pauses to flick out her tongue along my scar and I moan into the sensation quickly losing myself in the press of our legs, our cores, our chests and the sheer bliss I am finding her in lips and tongue. Warm and wanting becoming more heated and more unrestrained by the moment. I am seconds away from pushing this beautiful creature to the ground to begin fully exploring the body I have so long admired when she breaks off the kiss with a gasp.

 

‘Cullen, Cullen I can’t’ she says quickly catching my eye but whatever she sees on my face causes her to groan and begin kissing me again with more force. I don’t want to let her go and so band my arm tightly around her waist and move the other to the back of her head. She arches into me but once again turns her head and breaks the kiss. ‘We can’t’ she says piteously as I take advantage of her turned head to place slight searching kisses along the side of her throat. She moans and tilts her head further back to allow me to explore the greater expanse of her throat and neck.

‘Yes’ she finally says and my heart begins to beat even faster with joy and anticipation. I move my hand from her hair and pull it round to the front of her body, slowly trailing it over her corseted chest to begin cupping and stroking her sinful curves.

We suddenly hear a raucous laugh cut through the garden, some drunken Orlesian revelers are passing close to our secret place.

 

She quickly steps away from me, breaking the spell and turning her face. I see her quickly step into her skirt and leaving the buttons undone ties the loose bow back around her waist. She collects her mask but doesn’t put it back on and instead moves back towards me.

I have never seen her more beautiful, hair falling loose around her face, skin flushed and lips swollen and pink from my ministrations. She puts her forehead to mine briefly, a mock of the times she has used the soothing gesture before and steps away out of the glade.

 

I sit numbly on the cold stone bench a mixture of hurt, embarrassment and anger colors my thoughts and cools my arousal. The look in her eyes though. I know, with absolute certainty that she feels the same way and with that revelation, I also know that I will not be letting her get away this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all aboard the smut train... next stop Chapter 18


	18. Now that i'm a Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

**Thea POV**

 

I feel awful, running away from Cullen as I did. Was that not exactly what I wanted, to be touched and kissed and caressed by him. For him to say he thought I was beautiful?

But despite his words I was still hurting and suffering a lack of confidence from his refusal two months before. I didn’t want him to give me pity affection, or only think me beautiful when extravagantly dressed. I distractedly replace my mask for the carriage ride back to the estate, I leave earlier than the Inquisition, still under the pretense of a noble lady so it isn’t too late when I arrive back to my chamber.

I ask the servant to draw me a bath and although I don’t wash my hair, letting myself enjoy my loose waves unbound for a change, I do relax in the soothing lavender soak.

 

After my bath I am feeling more at ease ‘I will speak to him tomorrow’ I think. ‘If he still feels the same, and doesn’t think it was a mistake then I can ask him to wait for me while I’m in the Approach.’ Satisfied with my decision I place Cullen’s shirt over my head as had become my ritual. I kept the collar loose so I could free an arm or two if I felt too warm in the night and although it hardly covered my ass I still couldn’t stand sleeping with underwear on so forwent them as usual.

I’m just about to make my way around the room to blow out the candles when I hear a knock at my chamber door. Thinking it is my appointed servant I don’t hesitate in opening despite the late hour, I probably needed to thank her for running me a bath so late in the evening.

 

It is not a servant.

 

Cullen stands in the light of the doorway. His hair is still ruffled from earlier in the evening, his buttons are all open revealing the thin white dress shirt underneath his black silk jacket and his eyes burn with a ferocious intensity.

The look on his face when he takes in my loose hair and barely covered frame ‘Maker’s breath’ he whispers. I can’t tell if he wants to kiss me or kill me but I can’t deny the thrill I feel shooting down my spine at his appraisal.

 

Stepping through the threshold of my chamber he turns quickly to close and lock the door behind him. Turning his attention back to me he begins to very slowly prowl forwards, I want to run from him and to him in equal measure.

 

‘Is that one of my shirts?’ His question takes me by surprise.

I look away but feel myself blush furiously. ‘Yes... while you were away it helped me sleep. I’m sorry, I didn’t think you would mind.’

He makes a noise almost like a growl before catching me around my waist, spinning us, pinning my back against the wall by the locked door.

 

‘I want you’ he says with absolute certainty, refusing to relinquish his grasp around my waist.

‘Cullen, you don’t. It’s just the romance of the evening talking, we got caught up in it and can’t you see… It would break my heart if I was just a one-time fling for you.’ I cry, trying to writhe and lean away, tilting my head back till it hits the wall.

 

He slides one of his hands from my waist to the middle of my back and pushes. It causes me to press against him, thin layers only separating the soft swell of my breasts and the hard planes of his chest, I can’t help but whimper.

‘I. Want. You. Always’ he finishes softly, punctuating each word with a small rolling press of his hips, I can feel his arousal straining through his trousers. He begins nuzzling the side of my face reassuringly and I am so, so tempted to turn my head and claim his lips. He said always, but I need to be sure.

 

‘There will be someone better out there for you Cullen, someone from Thedas, someone more beautiful a-‘

‘Not to me’ he whispers into my ear and begins to trail feather kisses along my jaw line. My breath hitches as I melt into the sensation, throwing my head back slightly to offer him my throat. I know then that I have no resistance left, either from his pleas or my own frantic need and rushing feelings. ‘Yes’ I whisper a surrender.

 

‘You have consumed me’ he moves down my neck whilst nipping at the delicate skin there. ‘From the moment I laid eyes on you, you have tormented me worse than any demon ever could.’

I moan as he begins to switch between licks and the softest of kisses.

‘Even when I sleep I see you. Writhing above me or under me, calling out my name in ecstasy.’

‘Cullen’ I whimper as his hand begins to draw circles down my lower back before cupping my rear and squeezing hard.

‘Look at you, you aren’t even wearing underwear.’ He says massaging my ass firmly ‘You are wanton, desperate for my touch and I know you feel the same about me.’ My mind is reeling at his painfully erotic words, I can do nothing but pine and moan under his skilled attentions.

‘Tell me you feel the same’ he whispers into my ear again whilst dragging his hand from my ass to my thigh. Gripping it to pull my leg up and over his hip.

‘Tell me’ he growls as he begins to grind into my core. ‘Yes’ I am able to quietly reply as he grinds down harder making me moan again.

‘Louder.’

‘Yes Cullen, I feel the same. I need you, I love you.’ We both still at my admission and he leans back slightly to look me in the eyes, searching my face for the truth. He puts his forehead to mine for a moment slowing our frantic pace, there is brief moment of stillness and I feel his relief at my words.

‘I love you’ he confesses breaking the silence and giving me one gentle long kiss, soft like the first we had shared only that evening. ‘You are so, so easy to love and I do, I love you.’

 

This time I pull back to look at him. I see the love reflected back at me and everything, Thedas, being here all of it makes sense. I love him and I need him. Now.

I grip the back of his head and pull him towards me as our lips crash together. His ferocity is rekindled as I begin to frantically peel off his open jacket while he loosens the strings around my collar further.

One of my hands returns to his head, raking my nails through his hair while my other hand slips under his now exposed shirt and copies the motion across his back. He hisses at the force of my frantic clawing and pulls away, giving me a devilish smirk.

He pulls wide the collar of my night shirt and forces it down over my shoulders and chest but instead of letting it drop to the floor he grips and twists the remaining fabric tight locking my arms down by the side of my exposed breasts.

He takes a moment to admire my bound state and I can’t help but strain desperately, pitifully in his grasp ‘please’ I begin to plead for his touch. He doesn’t relent, ‘so beautiful’ sweeping his darkened gaze and warm fingers over my frame, my mussed hair, flushed skin and erect nipples. Any lack of confidence I had ever felt was washed away under his hot, searching touch and so I change tact. Bowing my back to push forward my chest I allow myself to be further exposed to his hungry eyes, it has the desired effect.

He groans at my obvious surrender and closes his self-imposed distance pulling me back against his body in a hard controlling kiss.

I am wrapped up in the feelings, the press of his body, the warmth and wonder of his tongue and the ongoing gentle rocking of his hips sending bolts of pressure straight through my core. Whilst distracted he moves his free hand to begin stroking and cupping my breasts. He is gentle at first, alternating between lightly trailing his fingers over the delicate skin, a warm searching massage and I let out a small gasp as he catches one of my nipples.

I feel rather than see the smirk against my lips as this time he purposefully pinches one of the erect peaks and I gasp again, arching simultaneously. Delighted with my responsiveness he continues to tease till, finally, he drops his head down to take one of my abused nipples into his mouth.

‘Cullennn’ I buck at the stimulations now pouring over me, he is sucking, licking and nipping at every exposed area on my chest and soon I am once again thrashing at his restraints around my arms.

 

I hear a quiet chuckle at my distress and he returns his attention to my face and neck. Whispering into my ear as he did earlier ‘You see what madness you have driven me to’ he nips my ear lobe and I let out a needy whine, ‘please Cullen, I need you.’ I beg, hoping he will let me touch him.

He nips me again ‘I have been dreaming of this for a year, I think it’s only fair I get to take my time.’ With that he once again grips and lifts the back of my thigh but instead of a grind of his hips he drops to his knees. I don’t notice, groaning at his revelation, that he has desired me for so long. Pulling my thigh up over his shoulder in the same movement he gives a long slow lick against my already over sensitized clit and I scream.

‘Hush now love’ he mumbles into the sensitive join between my leg and folds, making his words deliberately breathy. ‘If we get interrupted by servants I don’t intend on stopping’ he licks me again along my entrance and up to my heated apex but this time I bite my lower lip hard to hold back the scream.

He hums in approval before continuing his attentions. He dips his tongue forwards to taste the arousal that has gathered between my thighs, sighing in delight at how wet he finds me already. He moves back up to concentrate on my hyper-sensitive clit whilst at the same time beings to slowly circle my entrance with his index finger.

I am panting with the intense pleasure, writhing as much as I’m able to try and draw him even closer. I don’t know how I am still standing, I can feel both my legs beginning to quiver as my climax draws near. ‘Please, please, please’ I repeat as a mantra as Cullen stops licking and begins lightly sucking my bundle of nerves. Without warning he slides one of his long fingers past my folds and I can’t stop my sharp inhale at the intrusion. He pauses a moment before beginning to curl and flex his talented finger, purposefully rubbing against that sweet spot inside me.

Now I begin to buck in earnest and Cullen is forced to release his grip on my shirt restraint so he can concentrate on keeping my hips still. I use the freedom of my arms to grasp and claw at his hair and shoulders. He withdraws his one finger before quickly replacing it with two and the stretch from that new sensation tips me over the edge.

I throw my head back against the wall ‘Cullen, Cullen!’ I shout not caring if servants or guards come running as I ride out my orgasm with abandon. My cries of his name drop off into a silent scream as I reach my peak. My vision blanking and all other thoughts other than sheer bliss being driven from my mind.

 

Cullen releases his hold on my hips and my thigh falls from his shoulders as he begins to stand. Whilst doing so he allows my nightshirt to finally fall to the floor but I’m not aware of any of this, trying to focus on remaining standing and slowing my breathing.

He begins to hold me up and claims my lips in a long passionate kiss. When we finally break the smirk on his face his back, and I think he looks a little too smug so with upmost stealth I slip my hand down between our bodies and shamelessly palm his erection through his trousers.

I give my own smirk at his shocked and aroused expression. I can tell from the responding challenge in his eyes that our playfulness will also extend to the bedroom.

 

I continue to lightly tease and stroke him through the thin fabric with one hand while beginning to pull his shirt up and over his head. Once he is exposed I give his chest my full attention. Both hands and my tongue trace the contours I find there, nipping, licking, kissing and scratching till I am overjoyed with gasps of surprised pleasure my love is making.

One of my hands begins working on the fastening of his breeches and I take care to ensure I stroke and catch his rock hard arousal at every opportunity. Once there is sufficient space I slip my hand under the fabric and begin my gentle teasing strokes again. This time he bucks into me with my careful ministrations and I rejoice in the breathy moans and sighs filling the chamber.

 

Pushing the fabric away a bit more I finally free his solid erection and begin allowing myself to slowly drop to the floor. Cullen catches my arm however and pulls me back into a searing kiss.

‘As much as I love the thought of your pretty mouth around my cock I don’t think I could last.’ He pauses to kiss me again, I’m melting into his kiss and his filthy words. ‘The first time I come I want to be inside you, filling you, claiming you.’

Once we break for air I give him my most sultry smile ‘to bed?’ I say with meaning and the play on his frequently used words is not lost him.

‘Maker’s breath woman.’ With that he scoops me up, I wrap my long legs around his waist and continue to plant hot searching kisses and bites to his face and neck whilst he carries me over to the large bed.

He places me down on the soft blankets with reverence and I watch in unrestrained awe as he sheds what little remains of his clothes.

Finally fully exposed for me I study my Commander in all his glory from my seated position.

He could be carved from the finest marble for how firm his physique is. The golden glow from the fire and candles accentuate the contours of his chest legs and arms, his eyes darkened and lustful in the low light. Finally his hard proud cock, it gives me some trepidation as he is larger than the very few lovers I have had, but the thought of that filling me so completely is as thrilling as it is nerve wracking. I move over to my hands and knees and make a very short crawl forward to where he is standing at the edge of the bed. I reach to grip his firm sculpted ass and pull him towards my waiting mouth. He hisses in surprise and glee as I quickly swirl my tongue around tip of his shaft allowing the full head to slip past my lips after each circle is complete.

‘No, no-‘ he tries to pull away but I have hold of him now.

‘Just a taste love’ I whisper back before returning my attention to the thick cock in front of me.

Using my spare hand I begin to gently massage his balls whilst I allow myself to take more and more of his length down my throat with each passing suckle. When I reach my limit, I allow a delighted hum at just how much of his length I have greedily consumed, I begin swallowing.

The contractions around his deep throated shaft cause Cullen’s resolve to final crack. ‘Thea! Fuck’ he gasps, tearing himself away before he will allow himself to spill.

 

I kneel back on the bed, halting my massage of his ass till he can regain his composure.

When he feels he is a master of himself again I see his feral animosity return in a seething glare. He tilts my chin up ‘You, are a demon’ he claims my lips in a bruising kiss kneeling over me on the bed to exert his dominance. ‘You, are sin’ he breaks the kiss to flip our positions, I’m now kneeling over him, my core already lined up with his erection. ‘You are desire incarnate and I have to have you’ with a final show of his dominance he grips tight over my hips, forcing me down whilst pushing the tip of his hard cock through my wet, waiting folds and with a powerful thrust upwards, fully impales me.

 

I throw my head back with a cry while I adjust to his searing heat. The width of him is causing me to ride the line between pleasure and pain but I can see I’m not the only one who is undone. When I bring my head back down I’m looking directly into Cullen’s eyes from his seated position and I can see that he too is overwhelmed at the sensation of my tight, wet, heat.

Still not moving our hips we share a passionate kiss, all of the arguments, all of the rage and all of the pent up sexual tension explodes and when we break for air I can see Cullen is just as affected, he has felt the same emotions as me.

Looking into his eyes I give a small nod of permission as Cullen slowly begins to rock up into me. Any discomfort I may have felt vanishes instantly as I begin to revel in the press of our naked bodies and the drag of his cock in and out of my core. Within a few of his thrusts I am so lost in the movement, so caught in his rhythm that I begin respond with my own rolling hips. We begin gentle, searching thrusts against each other and I allow the softest of moans to slip through my lips at each rock. Cullen silences them quickly catching my lips and tongue again in a dominating kiss.

 

Soon the gentle rutting gives way to a greater need and I part for air whilst kneeling upwards to begin riding this unbelievable man in earnest. The up-down of my hips gives a greater depth of penetration and soon Cullen is panting alongside me in my exertions. It has never felt so good, so right before and I moan into his lips, his hair, grasping and tasting whatever skin I can find whilst the sensations from my core increase.

Supporting my lower back he slowly pushes me so that I am slightly arched away from him, placing my hands behind me on his knees. This adjusted angle means my already swollen clit is once again being stimulated, brushing the base of his shaft and I see Cullen stare without repent at the bounce-bounce of my breasts whilst I continue to ride him with increasing ferocity.

 

Cullen takes back control as he begins again to rise up, meeting my hips with a powerful thrust of his own. The new angle, the depth and speed of this position is proving too much for my already over-sensitized body and I feel my second climax approaching rapidly.

‘Cullen, God Cullen. Yes, yes, please!’ I ramble incoherently as he detects my pending orgasm. He picks up the pace again, pulling me flush against his body and it’s all I can do to hold on to his furious pounding as the delightful contraction before release builds up its intensity. This time I don’t scream silently. I also feel Cullen stiffen and swell within me, I cry his name and my love groans with ecstasy as we climax together. Cullen spilling his hot seed within me, the intense orgasm rocking both our bodies, washing over us with unbound pleasure.

 

\--

 

It’s early morning when I feel Cullen begin to stir, it’s still dark outside so we have plenty of time before we should be troubled by any servants. ‘Do you have to go?’ He asks quietly and I know of course that he referring to my trip to the Western Approach.

I sigh and nuzzle into his neck, twenty-four hours ago I was looking forward to my trip, to get out into Thedas, help more people. A part of me also wanted to be close to Adamant when the battle took place so I could reassure my Commander that all would be well, but that was a day ago.

Now the man I had been pining over, who I already knew I loved had said he loved me in return and I couldn’t imagine a worse fate than having to leave his arms for more than a minute.

 

‘I have been too comfortable at Skyhold, I can help out on the front lines and I should.’

‘You can’t fight Thea.’

‘I know I can’t, I’ll stay at camps and help the soldiers there. I can heal and I can cook and I’ve been cooped up at Skyhold for so long. It was an agony working so closely with you and not ‘being’ with you. I thought the distance would do me some good…so this is your fault really’ I tease.

‘How is it my fault?’ he quickly replies but he knows I don’t mean it seriously from the smile on my face and the gentle stroking of my fingers over his pectorals.

‘If you had told me you loved me sooner, well I would never have considered leaving, even for an overnight trip.’

‘And who says the Man has to make the first move? You always tell me how forward thinking your society is, you could have told me how you felt.’

‘I love you’ I say without any embarrassment and our tiff is quickly forgotten as Cullen gives a sultry smile at my words.

‘I love you too’ he replies while rolling on top of me. ‘I’m going to show you how much I love you, right now.’ I don’t reply, getting lost instead in the passion of our tender morning love-making.

 

\--

 

After we have washed and dressed we part to complete our mornings work. I speak to Ellana about final travel preparations and Cullen checks in with his soldiers. I am down by my mare at the stables, just checking over my tack as we will be leaving shortly when he finally finds me.

‘Must you do this Thea? I’ve only just got you back.’ He looks up at me and I can see the pain in his eyes and feel my heart starting to break. I throw my arms around his shoulders and we both nuzzle into the mutual embrace.

‘I will come back to you’ I say with certainty and I give him a short but passionate kiss to seal my promise.

‘Well then before you go, please.’ He quickly takes my hand and places a small coin in my palm. He uses his larger hand to close my fingers in a tight grip around the coin, I understand the significance of it.

‘You know this has brought me luck, I won’t go into the details. I had hoped to show you… well it doesn’t matter. Just please, I know it’s foolish but I’ll feel better if you have it.’

‘Cullen!’ I almost cry, embracing him fiercely again and not stopping kissing him until I can hear our party shouting for me. I place my forehead to his one last time for comfort and then I am gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First ever attempt at smut, how did I do?


	19. Last Star of Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 100 kudos and 1600 views! Thank you all so much for your ongoing comments and support I am overwhelmed at the response my little story is receiving :)

**Thea POV**

 

The few days we spend riding should be enjoyable and for the most part they are. The first two days or so I am firmly still on Cloud Nine following the events of Halamshiral. I pet my mares head contentedly while reminiscing about the words Cullen and I had spoken to each other. Thankfully I was catching the sun which meant that my blush wasn’t quite so obvious whilst I was remembering the other details of that night and morning. Even thinking about it was making me, tingle.

 

Ellana had decided to bring Blackwall, Dorian and Cole along on this trip and the latter, picking up on my positive emotions, spends those first couple of days close to me. I asked him not to speak my thoughts out loud as I had yet to tell my friends about the development in my relationship with Cullen, but he was content just to bask in the warmth of my emotions, occasionally humming softly to himself. ‘Lovely stroking, petting, caring, this is love.’ He speaks out loud at one point ‘Cole, not my emotions’ I quietly plead. ‘No not yours, hers,’ and he gestures to my mount whose mane I am currently re-braiding. My huge smile is returned by Cole ‘Thank you Cole, you can tell her I love her too!’

Dorian overhears this conversation and scoffs to Ellana ‘she loves that horse more than me!’ he laments but Ellana just laughs at our antics.

During the journey our Leader had increasingly cheered under Dorian’s and my affections. I was glad to see her coldness continuing to relent and although she still scorned any and all mention of nobility it seemed like a healthy dislike rather than the start of a militant vendetta.

Blackwall was of course brought along because of the Grey Wardens disappearance. Back at Skyhold he had been content to tell me their stories, even if I knew he wasn’t a Warden himself he had done a lot of research and the histories were a nice change of pace from Varrics exaggerated tales. On this trip however the closer we got the Approach the more withdrawn he became, I could only assume his conscious was starting to catch up to him.

 

In a way I felt my own emotions mirroring that of the would-be Warden. Away from the comfort of Cullen’s arms I began to dwell on the secrets that I was still keeping. How in Thedas was I ever going to explain to him my plan to return home? I tried very hard to push these thoughts away, continuing to enjoy the scenery which had quickly transformed from forest to plains and now sweeping open desert where I had a hard time deciphering the line between the golden sand and burning horizon.

 

The first order of business in the Approach is to clear our way to, and then take Griffon Wing Keep.

Despite practicing I was never going to be able to do more than the gentlest healing or domestic of magical tasks and so am kept firmly from the frontlines during all the skirmishes and eventual assault. However once liberated, not even a week after our arrival, I am finally set to work organising the few troops and resources we have and I’m glad that my experience helping Josephine and Cullen in their respective roles has not been a wasted effort.

I send the requisitions back to Skyhold that are needed, highly recommending that we are provided with a cook and also keep up as professional a correspondence as I am able to with Cullen.

 

My last report to him included one personal detail but with no explanation for any prying eyes. I had asked the local Blacksmith as soon as he was set up to make a small silver setting to mount Cullen’s coin, he had done so and as such I now wore his good luck charm on a chain around my neck. I did my best sketching of the coin on the chain adding only a small footnote.

 

_Don’t worry, I haven’t put any holes in it_

His returning report, as well as detailing that Rylen was soon to be departing to take control of the Keep also included his own return drawing. His small sketch of a Mabari with a bone put an enormous smile on my face, I knew he had appreciated his gift then and went to bed that evening full of warm fuzzy feelings.

 

\--

 

I feel him move over me, pressing his lips to mine again whilst at the same time dragging my legs up and over his hips.

‘Tell me you want me Thea’ Cullen pants while slowly rolling his hips against my core, coating himself in my arousal and pressing against my heightened nerves.

‘Cullen, yes’ I moan out and he kisses me again as I feel him begin to slip inside my tight wet heat.

‘Ah, yes.’

 

‘Cullen!’ I sit up with a start and look around my thankfully empty tent.

‘A sex dream, really?’ I say out loud with disbelief as I throw myself back, trying to re-enter the dream. I was tangled in the sheets of my camping cot, rubbing my thighs together was providing friction, but not enough.

 

‘Fuck it.’ I say as I move my hand down to my core and begin to stroke my warm wet folds. I think back on my dream, Cullen moving over me and in me as we moaned our pleasure together. Cullen kissing every inch of my exposed skin and saying the filthiest, most erotic words my subconscious could conjure.

I’m so over sensitized that within moments I am rocking into my hand. I arch and scream silently my release, the thought of him, too intense, too perfect to try and extend my aroused state.

Once I come back down from my bliss I begin to feel the embarrassment of my situation. I was like some underdeveloped youth experiencing their first crush.

‘Maybe it would be better if I dreamt in the fade.’ My unruly mind supplied unhelpfully. Although on the other hand at least my fantasies were safe and such an intense dream hadn’t led to possession.

 

Very quickly however my gloomy thoughts from the journey here returned with force. What was I going to do about going home?

 

\--

 

I must have been allowing my emotions to show clearly on my face, my dour mood not being missed by my companions. With Cole and Blackwall absent, they decided to finally confront my longing sighs and uncharacteristic dullness by the Keeps central fire that evening.

‘My darling, you have looked miserable almost since the moment we left Val Royeaux. I can’t let this stand a moment longer. You once said you would tell me if something was wrong, well that time has come.’ Dorian began whilst simultaneously handing me a glass of wine.

‘It’s Cullen’ I start hesitantly.

‘Has that brute broken your heart? Ellana, we leave at dawn I need to go and immolate our Commander.’

‘No, no Dorian’ I smile at his over protective nature. I begin playing with the coin on my chain, unsure of how to even begin the subject.

‘Come on Thea, tell us what’s happened.’ Ellana implores and so taking a very large gulp of wine I decide to throw caution to the wind.

‘Ok, but no interruptions till I have finished. I need to sort out this mess in my head as much as let you two in on my darkest secrets.’ They both obediently nod and so I begin, ‘so at Halamshiral we kissed.’

‘What?’

‘I knew it!’

I send a quick glare to both of my friends to remind them that their outburst was not welcome and they quickly regain their composure, just. I can see Ellana still brimming with barely checked excitement.

‘We had gone for some air, he said kind words, we danced, he looked un-fucking-believable in his uniform and it happened. I think more than just kissing would have happened but we were interrupted and I sort of ran away from him.’

Dorain raised an eyebrow at my admission but Ellana was still grinning from ear to ear.

‘He was determined though and paid me a visit that evening and you know…convinced me.’

With this admission Dorian clapped his hand with glee and Ellana actually jumped up from her spot by the fire and ‘whooped’. I hung my head in embarrassment whilst my two friends continued their exaltation's, once they had finally quieted I continued again.

‘Anyways, we love each other and now I’m away from him and he’s all I can think about.’

Both of my friends remain silent at my impassioned storytelling.

 

‘So why don’t you look happy?’ Ellana starts.

‘Well, I’m from another world for one. Who knows, I might get sent home one day. Also he’s Commander Rutherford, half of Orlais wants to marry him and I feel like somewhere there is a nice girl from Thedas just waiting for him and I’m in the way-‘

‘Stop’ Ellana cuts me off. ‘I understand your reasoning about potentially going home but this self-doubt about yourself needs to stop. You are beautiful Thea and even if you don’t think so if Cullen does that’s what matters.’ She is earnest in her reproach and even though I’m still not sure I can believe it I do nod at her words.

‘And I don’t understand your reasoning about possibly going home.’ Dorian surprises me but continues. ‘Why would that stop you from wanting to be with the Commander now? He loves you, you love him. If you did leave one day not being with him now wouldn’t lessen the pain, for either of you.’ I think it is the most genuine emotion I have ever heard from Dorian and of course he is speaking the truth, if I were to end things now with Cullen on the off chance my plan to go home actually works I would be miserable. ‘I know, I cared very deeply for Felix and although I’m sad he is gone I wouldn’t change our time together for all the Lyrium in Orzammar.’

‘Dorian is right, I know it’s not in your nature but I think you just need to be honest with him and take a risk with this.’ Ellana has chosen her words very wisely indeed.

Since the end of my last relationship and the death of my last family member I had been cutting emotional risks out of my life. Not trying to meet new people, make new friends or fall in love because of the ‘risk’ that I may get hurt one day. By taking that approach with Cullen I had hurt us both anyways, dragging myself out to this desert and I could only think of one way to make it right.

 

‘I, have to go to him, or at the very least write to him.’ I say to my friends with renewed optimism.

‘That’s our girl.’ Dorian says while pulling me over for a quick hug, Ellana has a dreamy look on her face. ‘I love romance’ she finally says before moving our discussion on to the plans for tomorrow.

‘You should come with us tomorrow, not to the ritual tower but the camp closest to it. I think getting out of the Keep will do you some good and give you some space to write a letter’ she suggests and I agree immediately.

I feel more positive than I have done since the night of the Ball. I knew that by tomorrow either the army would be sent for, or our little group would head back to Skyhold directly to prepare for Adamant so the prospect of seeing Cullen sooner rather than later gave me much peace. I slept and dreamt with the greatest of ease, almost physically feeling the weight lifted from my chest.

 

\--

We set off the next day well before daybreak to get the short distance to the camp covered before sunrise. After a brief respite Dorian, Ellana, Blackwall and Cole set off towards the ritual tower just as the sun begins to rise, giving me the quiet peace of dawn to collect my thoughts.

 

A few hours pass, and many scribbled attempts at writing a letter later I decide to take a quick break.

Standing and stretching out my legs, arms and back I begin the very short walk around our perimeter. It can’t be more than 100 meters but is just enough to refresh me before I consider starting a new letter from scratch.

Looking out over the dunes I see 6 figures heading our way in the far distance. I had thought that Hawke and Stroud had planned to go straight on to Adamant but perhaps not. I shrug and turn away returning to my small makeshift desk.

The hardest part about writing the letter was how to be honest with him about my leaving, I couldn’t continue a relationship with him keeping that a secret.

 

‘Do I even want to go home?’

 

I have a lightning bolt moment as the truth finally dawns on me. I love him, he loves me, there was no doubt at all in my mind that we would be happy together. But could I ever be happy if I chose to lose that love?

And apart from Lucy who or what else was I going home for? No other close friends or family, no house, a job I loved but at the end of the day was _just_ a job. Nodding to myself I decide that Cullen’s affections were worth an extended stay in Thedas. I take a fresh piece of paper I begin writing again, pouring my heart onto the page, telling him everything.

 

 

‘Halt!’ I hear one of the perimeter patrols shout and look up from my desk to the direction of the noise. I hear a weapon being drawn and feel myself pale in fear, it wasn’t the team returning I had seen in the distance. Could it be Darkspawn, Venatori?

I rush over to the perimeter, my magic might not be the strongest but I could at least cause a distraction or maybe deter would be bandits with the display of the small flame I could conjure.

As I round the last tent I see a sword flash upwards and the patrol guard slumping to the floor.

I try to muffle the scream which tears from my throat but still make enough noise that I draw the attention of the six attackers.

 

Six Grey Wardens look me over briefly before one of them nods and they start to move towards where I’m standing.

I turn and begin to flee, darting through the tents to the other side of the camp where my horse remains. I’m so close to reaching my friend, can see her baying with energy at the perceived threat, raring to break free and help me escape.

 

The world goes dark.

 

\--

 

The mare is alarmed but as it is tied can’t do anything to help its mistress. It had seen one of the strangers thump the pommel of their sword across the temple of his rider, sees her falling to the floor as if dead before being picked up and carried away.

It didn’t stop its frantic neighing and kicking even as the tents of the camp were burned, taking with it all the other bodies that were littered through the camp and the drafts of the most important letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry!!!


	20. The Last Lion Roars

**Cullen POV**

 

Flrrrrrrrrrp.

I smile as the Mabari once again gets a pet on the head for being a good boy. I had been playing with Thea’s gift every time my mind had begun to idle over the last couple of weeks, enjoying not only the story but tracing over the message she had written on the front of the small bundle.

‘I must ask her what the ‘X’ is for’ I say to the empty office before once again starting the mini-story.

I could of course ask her via letter but I knew that Leliana read all Inquisition correspondence and we hadn’t yet decided whether or not we wanted our new relationship to be made public.

 

‘Our relationship’ I grin at the thought as the patrol passes through my office as usual at the sound of the bell. I didn’t care if I looked foolish. Rylen had already commented on my changed demeanor as he had departed for the Approach. Asking me with a wink if he wanted to me to pass on any particular message to the Lady currently managing the Keep in his stead. I just punched my second firmly on the arm and told him to mind his own business, but that was enough of a confirmation for him and he went away full of glee.

Although I was naturally private the rumor-mill is running rampant at my apparent tryst with a mystery woman or as frequently hinted at, a not-so mystery woman at the Ball. And despite not attending the Ball himself I wondered how Varric seemed to be the Orchestrator of a lot of the wildly varying tales I was overhearing.

The tales however could not compete with the reality of what had happened that night. I had thought Thea had looked beautiful at the Ball but my admiration of her figure in fine clothes was quickly replaced by the radiance of her unadorned beauty, with wild loose hair and wearing one of my shirts.

A possessive urge had consumed me then and I was glad that between our passions we had found time to talk, to tell each other how we truly felt.

 

‘Commander’ Lady Cassandra cuts into my office, tone professional as always. ‘We have had an urgent summoning to the War Council.’ I merely nod, placing my mini book back into my desk draw and began walking with the Seeker. Whilst the Inquisitor was away Cassandra always joined the Advisor Councils, she was a much needed impartial judge when the three of us came to an inevitable impasse.

 

‘I had heard Commander that you found our time at Halamshiral quite enjoyable despite your protestations.’

‘I didn’t think you were one for gossip Seeker.’

‘I do not gossip. But I would be very happy for you if it were true.’ She looks at me from the side, a softness in her eyes I didn’t think I had seen before.

I rub the back of my neck ‘Yes, well’ I fail to keep the smile from my face but the Seeker presses no further as we enter the War Room together.

‘Leliana, news from the Approach?’ I start at as soon as the door is shut, our Spymaster and Ambassador already in place.

‘Yes Commander and it’s not good.’

 

Leliana proceeds to tell us all that the Inquisitor has found out about the Grey Wardens, what she observed at the ritual tower and the additional information Lord Erimond had supplied about Corypheus involvement. I can see that it affects the spymaster most of all, although we had reassurances from the Hero of Fereldan and King Alistair it still seems a blow for her to think that our infallible heroes could be foolish.

‘We can begin preparations at once, the army can be ready to march at daybreak.’ I say as she finishes her summary, my mind already planning who I need to speak to and what we will need to pull into place for a quick campaign.

 

‘There is one more thing, perhaps you should just read the missive.’ Leliana doesn’t make eye contact as she hands the report over to me, my eyes quickly re-scan the information on the Wardens, the whole note although in the Inquisitors hand has been clearly written in agitation. I finally focus on the last paragraph.

 

_On our return to camp we found everything destroyed, the camp guards had been killed, and their bodies burned along with all the tents. Only the horses remained. Thea was at that camp, but we can’t find any trace of a body. Cole has sensed something from her mare and is certain she has been taken, most likely by Wardens from what we can decipher from his description. We can only assume they have taken her to the fortress but we can’t guess at their reasoning._

_Please, bring the army with all haste._

_Tell Cullen we’re sorry._

I drop the note on the desk and it is quickly read by Cassandra first who is in silent thought while Josephine also reviews the letter. ‘Maker no’ the Ambassador expresses her disbelief while I can’t even begin to comprehend the words I had just read.

 

For the first time I understand what it is to experience true despair. I had felt dread and terror before, had experienced both those sensations on multiple occasions in Fereldan, Kirkwall and then at the Conclave but this. This swell of hopelessness and worry for one individual was a new and crippling sensation. And not just a familial worry as I had felt for my family during the blight but a wrenching, twisting pain in my gut. Thea, the person I love more than anything or anyone else in the world is lost to me.

I’m not certain I can even breathe let alone speak and just stand there mutely, I don’t know how long for.

 

‘Cullen!’ Cassandra finally snaps me out of my silence although I can’t look at her. ‘You need to act now, Thea doesn’t need her pining lover, she needs her Commander.’

I Inhale sharply at Cassandra’s words, allowing the truth of them to sink in, she is right. I rally my mind and finally look at Cassandra, I give her a nod of certainty and thanks. There would be time for lamenting later so I push down all the emotions that are bubbling to the surface and withdraw into my role as Commander.

 

‘Leliana, I need to occupy this room, please remove any sensitive materials. Josephine, could you please fetch me a team of runners.’ My fellow Advisors act without delay and I have the runners within minutes.

‘You three, go and round up all my Officers and tell them to come here at once. Training is postponed, they can tell the men to remain on standby till further instructions are given. Jim, Find the Archivist, tell him I need everything we have on Adamant fortress within the hour. Go now.’

 

My Officers arrive promptly and the news of the Grey Warden demon army is shared. For now the decision is made to keep the presumed kidnapping a secret, at least until Thea’s presence within the Keep is confirmed. We have drilled for this, all my officers already have their assigned roles, each looking after a different aspect of the march from provisions through to formations and as such the orders are quickly delivered. ‘We will march at dawn,’ with that my men salute and begin their preparations.

 

As they file out the Inner circle and the other Advisors return. Leliana shares the whole news and I remain impassive, purposefully ignoring the weighted looks Varric and Bull are giving me.

‘Lady Josephine do we still have the offer of Trebuchets from Velun?’ The Lady Ambassador nods an affirmative. ‘Excellent, Leliana, please send a bird to Rylen, the squadrons he has with him are to retrieve them on the way to the Western Approach, they are still to rendezvous at Griffon Wing Keep.’ She turns to begin sweeping out of the room but I call her back. We don’t have time for a prolonged siege but the Trebuchets and ladders alone won’t be enough. I turn to the siege history book I had had sent for from my tower and turn to the page I have in mind.

I rip the pages pertaining to the Battering Ram out of the book and also hand it to the spymistress.

‘Please also send that to the Blacksmith at Griffon Wing Keep. All other work is to be put on hold.’ She nods and heads to her Rookery.

 

I spend the night planning with my Officers and a few of the Inner Circle. Solas offers to go and dream of Adamant to see if he can find any weaknesses that we aren’t already aware of. Bull offers to take his chargers ahead to begin more reconnaissance focusing on any sign of our missing friend and I agree, knowing that Hawke and Stroud would be preoccupied with the Wardens.

Sera brings me a plate of cookies and I even manage a small smile at that gesture.

 

A handful of hours before dawn my eyelids finally begin to feel heavy but I push tiredness away. I don’t want to sleep, a nightmare would only leave me unrested and a dream of her would only bring me pain. So instead I revert to what I always do during my times of crisis, I head to the chapel and begin a vigil of prayer and chanting till dawn finally arrives.

 

* * *

 

 

‘Commander, you’ve made excellent time’ Rylen grips my hand firmly as I make my way into the small makeshift War Room of Griffon Wing keep.

 

‘Cullen’ Ellana says as I come into the room and she places her had on my forearm in sympathy but I can’t focus on my barely held emotions now. I just nod in recognition of the message she is trying to convey. The rest of the lead travelling party file into the room to begin the briefing at once.

A plan is quickly formed, the Inquisitor deciding to include Blackwall, Solas and Cassandra in the strike team. Sera and Varric will team up with the Chargers to help the army concentrate on securing the central courtyard as soon as the gates are breached. Madam De Fer and Dorian will join the ranks of the battle mages.

 

Somewhat unlike Cole he speaks up towards the end of the briefing. ‘I have been there before. Looked for a friend there before. I can help.’

‘Cole, do you mean Adamant?’ I ask and the boy just nods.

‘Ok Cole, as soon as we are inside I want you to concentrate on trying to find Thea, stay out of the battle otherwise but find her and if she is in danger help her.’ The Inquisitor gives the exact order I would have given.

Cole just smiles.

 --

‘Inquisitor, may I have a moment of your time?’ I start as soon as the briefing is over, the Inquisitor waits in her spot at the table and once we are alone I begin again.

‘Please, tell me everything you haven’t already told me in your reports. Is Cole certain she isn’t dead and the Wardens…’

‘Cole is certain, the mare saw ‘blue and silver Griffons’ which is about as clear as anything Cole has ever said. But there was one detail we left out.’

She walks around the table and comes to stand next to me, lowering her voice although there is no chance of us being overheard.

 

‘When Erimond was posturing about his great plan he mentioned that _we_ had brought the deal to completion, that now Clarel would have no choice but to agree. He thanked us for making it easier for him as he was running out of options since his Red Templar had failed.’

‘His Red Templar’ Ellana nods and gives me a weighted look.

It finally clicks into place, Thea had said it was unexpected even for her. ‘The attack in Skyhold, it wasn’t meant for me at all, it was meant to kidnap her!’

‘We think so, Erimond had some power over the anchor and although I was able to break his control he is obviously familiar with the magic which would explain why the portal had a similar magical trace. Dorian agrees.’

 

I let out a shuddering groan at the Inquisitors news, finally allowing pent up emotions to leak out. Placing my hands on the makeshift War table I feel my shoulders slump in what feels like an inevitable defeat. ‘All this time she has been at risk and we didn’t know. How have we all been so blind?’

‘Cullen I’m so sorry, this is my fault. I let her come with me to the Approach, encouraged her to leave the safety of the Keep. It’s just like my Clan all over again...’ With that the Inquisitor breaks off into quiet sobbing. I can’t comfort her yet, my mind still reeling from this new information, of my failures to keep her safe. After a minute of silent reflection however I am able to respond.

‘No Inquisitor, Ellana, they would have found a way. Perhaps if I hadn’t killed the Intruder we may have been able to get some information from it...’ I sigh at my feeble attempt at comfort.

‘This is no one’s fault but Erimonds and by extension, Corypheus. Tomorrow we will make it right.’ I touch the Inquisitor sympathetically on the arm. My tone of defiance seems to calm her sobs and she thanks me before I leave to go and brief my men.

 

‘Tomorrow we will make it right’ I repeat again.

 

* * *

 

 

The battle commences as soon as night falls.

As planned our Trebuchets cause huge damage to the already crumbling walls of the fortress and scatter the Wardens who were stationed there, clearing the way for the troops on ladders.

The huge battering ram thunders as it rolls into position and within a handful of moments has punched its way through the central doorway.

Once the initial entryway is cleared the Inquisitors team make their way forward, I am able to offer a few instructions before they head into the fray. As much as I might wish otherwise finding Thea is not our primary objective and it is vital that the Inquisitor focuses on stopping this insane demon army from spawning further.

 

‘Battle Mages!’ I shout over the fray ‘focus on clearing the walls and stopping any ranged combatants. Officers, lead your troops as we have planned. If the Wardens surrender peacefully they aren’t to be harmed’ I continue my instructions thinking angrily to myself ‘if Thea has been harmed however I don’t know if I will be able to guarantee their safety.’

‘Bull, go and wreak havoc.’ Bull smiles, pats me on the back before moving out as a secondary strike team ‘Chargers, horns up!’ he bellows and the responding shouts are quickly lost in the din.

‘Cole, can you sense anything is she here?’ I ask the remaining member of the inner circle, donning my Lion helmet at the same time.

‘I can’t tell, too many hurting, it’s too loud but I’ll look in the hidden places’ with that the boy drops into stealth and I send a small prayer to the Maker and Andraste that he has success.

‘Inquisition, forward!’ I roar, leading the charging army into the maelstrom of battle before us.

 

\--

After a very short while we hear the deafening screech of the Red Lyrium Dragon as it flies over head. Swooping to rain fire across the exposed battlements, scorching stone, burning Inquisition and Warden Troops alike. The smell of charred flesh makes me want to gag but I choke back the urge to provide new orders.

‘Keep down from the battlements, keep your shields and barriers up.’ It is the best tactic I can come up with at short notice but is quickly passed along the battlefield. The winding pathways are too narrow to allow the beast to land fully and with the mages as our allies the barriers that are cast seem to prevent the worst of the fire from getting through to the soldiers.

 

There is a moment of peace as the Dragon is seemingly distracted by something happening further into the fortress before a loud unnatural explosion rocks the air. I don’t have time to consider what could have caused the noise, the men rallying in their fight as they see the would-be Archdemon fly off.

‘Focus!’ I cry, the battle is not yet over and I will not permit the preemptive victory cheers we showed at Haven to happen again here. Another half hour of brutal fighting and the tide turns overwhelmingly in our favor. It appears that the Wardens no longer have command and so the non-bound combatants quickly surrender. Word reaches me of a rift at the center of Adamant and the new orders are given to continue to clear out the fortress while securing the perimeter of the rift till the Inquisitor can be found.

 

I speak with Bull as we finally catch up with his strike team and his news is not positive. They witnessed that the Inquisitor and her companions had fallen into a rift that Ellana herself had opened while falling. My orders however remain the same, secure the battlefield and trust that our leader who we had presumed dead before would return.

 

* * *

 

 The Inquisitor emerges from the rift we have secured and closes it with urgency. I notice at the time that the whole party looks injured and drained from whatever trials they have faced and the Champion is not present among them. Not allowing her weary state to stop her in her duty the Inquisitor quickly deals with the remaining Wardens before finally allowing herself to be healed by Solas. They take a moment to quietly hold each other, with victory now assured the tender scene makes my thoughts finally return to my own missing love.

 

I take a deep, shuddering breath, the battle is over, Erimond is captured and Corypheus plan is foiled. Pulling off my Lion helm I glance around the courtyard at the weary and injured soldiers scanning faces for the one which I am both praying to see, and not see among the rubble. ‘Thea, where are you?’ I mutter as the Inquisitor makes her way over to me to begin the debriefing of events.

 

Once my initial report is complete, and future orders received she finally allows herself to ask ‘Has Cole found anything?’ I can only shake my head as I see the Inquisitors shoulders sag in sorrow. About to turn and begin the arduous task of counting, identifying and clearing the dead I am stopped as a breathless scout rushes over to where we are still both standing.

 

 

‘Commander, they’ve found her!’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in Asunder Cole does spend some time at Adamant, i didn't just make that up!
> 
> Also another question seeing as i'm new to this fan-fiction business. I had in mind, and had begun drafting a new story but I've seen today one which has a lot of very similar themes. Any advice on if i should just abandon my attempt or is there something else i can do so i don't look like i'm plagiarizing.  
> Thanks for your advice x


	21. Seems Like All Is Dying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has violence, blood and gore. Please do not read if you are at all triggered by these things. There will be a 'sterilized' summary of events in the next chapter

**Thea POV**

I feel myself being pulled back to consciousness with some firm tugging on my limbs. I open my eyes with a wince, my head throbbing. I’m definitely badly concussed and can feel a sort of dry flaking in my scalp when I try and tilt my head, have I been bleeding too?

I glance down as the jostling of my person stops and see I am strapped to some kind of tilted but still upright table, my hands, feet and waist bound securely with leather straps.

‘What, what’s going on’ I wrestle with my restraints, frantically trying to loosen my hands, legs, anything.

‘Now now my sweetheart’ I hear a woman’s voice, not at all familiar and glance up to see a middle aged woman in what is undoubtedly Grey Warden armor looking back at me.

‘We don’t like this as much as you, but Clarel is a reasonable sort and I’m sure no harm will come to you.’ She looks apologetic as I see her begin to leave.

‘She seems a reasonable sort herself’ I think pausing to look her over and so I change tact, putting on my most convincing innocent face.

‘Please, please where am I? Why am I tied up? You are Grey Wardens this isn’t right!’ She does look moved, enough to give me some answers at least.

‘You’re at Adamant fortress dearie. I don’t know why they need you and I’m sorry the scouts were a bit rough bringing you over.’

‘A bit rough? I saw them kill the Inquisition guards, I was unarmed... Clarel, Warden-Commander Clarel? I need to speak to her, she is being tricked you all are!’

Unfortunately my kindly captor just shakes her head ‘I’m sorry about your friends but they couldn’t leave any witnesses, they burned the bodies though, the only mercy we could offer them. Anyways, Warden-Commander will be along soon enough and you can speak to her then.’ And with that she leaves and I sag with shock.

 

‘Why would I be needed at Adamant?’ I rack my brain thinking of my treatment so far. They obviously didn’t want me dead or well, I’d be dead back at the camp with those other poor souls. So it must be for leverage or information of some sort. I was part of the Inquisitors inner circle, perhaps spies had also uncovered that I was close with the Inquisitor herself and they were going to ransom me…

‘The Inquisitor!’ I think with dread and look around the room trying to see any glimpse of daylight or moonlight that may tell me what time it is. ‘When they return from the ritual tower if all the bodies are burned then they may think that I’m dead too.’ I begin to truly panic, similar to when I first landed in Thedas my breathing is uncontrolled and I can feel myself beginning to pale and feel faint.

‘Calm, calm, calm down. They will count the bodies, the guards armor wouldn’t burn so they will know who is who, they will know you have been taken.’ I speak myself back to coherence taking what must be half an hour to regain my composure before trying to re-start my thinking.

I was either here for information or ransom. If the prior then the torture table would make sense so I can only pray it is the latter.

 

‘Oh Cullen’ I begin to weep at my predicament. ‘Save me.’

 

* * *

 

 

The next few days no one comes to torture me, small mercies.

The kindly guard posted to keep watch over me says little but gives me water and gruel twice a day so at least I am not yet starving. I am only allowed off the table also twice a day to make use of the chamber pot, the rest of the time I am bound. My skin around the restraints is red, sore and frequently bleeding from where I have tried to writhe my hands free. The only time the pressure is eased is when the table is tilted on what I presume is an evening and I am given the chance at least of a restless, painful sleep.

My captor won’t listen to any of my pleas, I try telling her that their calling is false, that Corypheus is manipulating them all but she is clearly under instructions to ignore anything I may say.

I consider using my weak magic, perhaps to burn through the leather but think better of it. I’m in the middle of an enemy fortress, even if I were to make it out of this room I would be recaptured in an instant and likely lose what little privileges I have. Better to keep my mana stored for dire situations ‘ha’ I laugh at myself, as if being kidnapped by a hostile force didn’t deem to be enough of an emergency for me.

 

On what I assume is the fifth, perhaps even sixth day since my awakening I hear some new voices for the first time.

‘Lord Erimond, I’m glad you survived, it took you so long to get back we were sure there had been some missteps’

‘Not at all Warden-Commander and of course we have now mastered the ritual and I’m convinced we can begin raising your army before the Inquisition interferes again.’ I hear what can only be Erimond’s sneering, pompous tone in the hallway outside my stone prison.

‘I don’t care if you have proven that the ritual works, I am already condemning half of the men under my command to die, and I will not do so with the rest unless you can provide this cure. We did our part and retrieved the girl as you can see’

With that the door opens and in walks Warden-Commander Clarel, Erimond and a small contingent of other Wardens I hadn’t seen before. Clarel gestures to where I am bound and Erimond moves closer to ‘inspect’ me, casting a small magical aura out from his hand which briefly swirls around my frame before seemingly sparking harmlessly off my skin.

 

I take the pause in their conversation as my chance to finally speak ‘Clarel, please don’t do this. Corypheus is using you-‘

Erimond steps forward quickly, his fist strikes my cheek and my head snaps to the side. I feel a small trickle of blood run down my face but I ignore it to continue my plea.

‘Gag her, then leave us,’ Erimond orders.

‘Clarel he is lying he is Vena-mmmphhh’ and before I can protest leather is shoved around my mouth and tied at the back of my neck. I begin to cry out in anger but it is muffled by the gag.

‘Is this really necessary?’ Clarel asks, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

Erimond waits till the chamber door is closed before replying ‘Warden-Commander, if word were to get out that the Cure is here how many of your men do you think would desert you? Especially those who will need to give their lives for the ritual. This way the secret is safe and your Wardens will not only have demons at their disposal, but also unstoppable weapons.

‘That is not what we agreed. We are the weapons, you said she was the Cure.’

‘Yes yes’ Erimond moves to the door and speaks to the guard, ‘bring it in.’

My eyes plead with Clarel while Erimond is distracted but although she looks conflicted her attention is quickly diverted as an unnatural roaring and fills the room.

 

My eyes widen in horror and I can’t help but scream against my gag as a dark, rotting, almost corpse like creature is dragged into the room. A Darkspawn.

It is restrained in a similar device as me and it too appears distressed, even more so as it is brought over close to where I am bound.

My tears are falling freely now at this, this horror I am witnessing for the first time.

The door is again closed to all and Erimond begins. ‘You see, her presence alone cuts off the calling for even the most attuned of Darkspawn.’

‘Yes, look how distressed the Alpha is even being close to her.’ Clarel sounds awestruck as she moves over to me. ‘I’m sorry for this’ she says quietly as she takes what must be her ceremonial dagger and drags the blade along my already cut cheek, careful not to draw more blood but to ensure her blade is coated.

She then moves over to the bound Darkspawn and using the blood covered blade ever so slightly breaks the skin of the creature. The thing hisses first then shrieks and writhes before dropping dead against its restraints in a matter of seconds.

 

I am too taken aback to try and continue my gagged protestations, Clarel looks beyond fascinated and Erimond looks smug. ‘One drop can kill a Darkspawn instantly, but for those not yet tainted beyond the level of ghoul it also provides a complete cure. Of course the killing blow for an Archdemon will still need to be struck by a Warden to complete the soul transfer but imagine, one dead Warden instead of legions.’

 

Clarel nods, I can see her considering this new information, the evidence speaking for itself.

‘Very well, we will prepare for the ritual at once. She needs to be kept alive till this is all over, that way whichever Grey Warden’s don’t fall in our endeavors can be cured.’

‘But of course, I advise you to put her under guard but keep this our secret till after the ritual is complete.’ With that my two captors file out of the room and I am left bound and gagged next to the dead Darkspawn and completely alone with my harrowing thoughts.

 

For a while I am trapped in my nonsensical mind. The dead Darkspawn next to me making my skin crawl with its vile scent and oozing abrasions. I have to hold back my urge to vomit, knowing that with the gag in place I could likely choke. So closing my eyes I begin humming, every happy tune I can possibly think of. I think about the happiest times I can remember from Earth, so far away from this danger, these monsters.

‘What a naïve fool I’ve been’ I say to myself as I once again study the lifeless corpse next to me. The suffering the general population and the Wardens must endure being faced with these creatures is no longer beyond my understanding. If one can upset the balance of my mind in such away I can’t imagine the terror that a horde must inflict.

 

‘It’s dead’ I say to soothe myself, trying and failing to tear my eyes away from it.

‘It’s dead’ I say again my mind refocusing.

‘It’s dead…How?!’

I think on the rest of the encounter I had just experienced a mixture of dread and awe vying for the chief emotion within me.

‘Erimond said I could cure the taint but we didn’t test that. But my blood did kill it and seemed to cut off the calling.’ I thump my head backwards onto the table ‘That was why I was brought here though wasn’t it, Alexius, Felix. I might have been able to save him.’ I don’t try to dwell on the implications, Clarel made it clear now what I’m here for.

‘I’m the Cure.’

 

* * *

 

 

A few more days pass, same routine but I have a new guard.

The first day he comes and he removes my gag I instantly begin telling him about Corypheus, Erimond all of it but he just points to his ears and slightly shakes his head.

‘They’ve given me a deaf guard’ I sigh and allow my head to hit the back of my restraint.

The pain from my head wound has long since eased, and the stinging from Erimond’s fist has also stopped. My guard also removes the dead Darkspawn from my prison ‘small mercies’ I say again to try and stay positive but it is getting more and more difficult.

 

I had just been re-tied and gagged one morning, or evening, I have no way of telling when I begin to feel a vibration. My deaf guard feels it too and quickly flies out of the room. The vibrations grow stronger, could it be the Inquisition? Hope swells in my chest and I feel the adrenaline give me new purpose, perhaps now I should try and burn my restraints and escape during the battle.

I begin searching for my small ember of magic and think about channeling it into fire when I hear multiple footsteps approaching.

I clamp back down on my power planning on waiting till the patrol has passed, but it doesn’t.

 

‘We need to start the ritual now Erimond’

‘At once Warden-Commander, but what of the Cure?’

My door reopens and I can see Clarel in the threshold, she looks torn when she turns her gaze to me and I beg with my eyes ‘just let me go, let me go.’

A very loud ‘thump’ rocks the fortress, it almost feels like an explosion and I think it must be some of the siege engines at work. It makes Clarel’s mind up for her.

‘We still need her alive, but if the Inquisition recaptures her I don’t want to be left empty handed. Bleed her, but be gentle about it, we only need one drop per Warden! Then hurry up and meet me on the battlements.’ Clarel turns and Erimond walks fully into the room, an evil sneer crossing his face.

 

He positions two pots underneath my arm restraints while he begins talking, he always loved talking.

 

‘We were so fortuitous when Alexius’ family were caught in a freak Darkspawn attack. Even more so when the Elder one told him of the ancient prophecy regarding the Cure and that Alexius’ himself had the means to bring it back to Thedas. We were less lucky when his plan to eradicate your Inquisitor from time failed but never one to waste an opportunity we knew we could use you.

Clarel had been procrastinating for months over whether or not to commit to our plan, your presence, the promise that there would be absolution for those who so willingly sacrificed finally allowing her to agree.

If that first attempt at your capture had succeeded we would have raised this army months ago I’m sure, but alas. Your friends have made this very easy for me when they brought you here’ he began a spiteful laugh and I saw with dread as he pulled a small dagger from his belt. I began to test my restraints again, trying to shout for anyone through my gag.

 

‘I would never normally sully my own hands in this way, there are a many number of spells for making incisions on the body but you are just too resistant, even to blood magic. Ah well old fashioned way it is.’

With that he presses the blade into the join of my forearm and drags it down till he hits my wrist restraint. I scream in pain, weeping at the agonizing burn and trying to ignore the warm trickle flowing from my hands.

‘Clarel said to keep you alive but she won’t mind once the ritual is complete, she won’t have a mind at all.’ He jeers and moves to the other side of me. ‘My Master of course can’t allow you to survive and so oops’ he repeats the motion on my other arm and I wail again in anguish ‘my hand slipped.’

 

I am frozen with pain, fear and dread. I barley register Erimond looking at his dagger, deciding whether or not to wipe it on his robes but he just drops it in disgust. ‘Such a mess’ he mutters as he leaves my prison and I am left alone to die.

 

Another thump, louder this time. Cullen’s so close, ‘I just need to survive, I don’t want to die like this’ another tiny spark of adrenaline and I once again reach for my magic. I feel myself becoming faint and so pull on my more familiar healing magic. I allow it to wash over my forearms, trying with all my might to at least slow the bleeding, focusing till the last second as my vision grays, then narrows then nothing.

 

* * *

 

 

Noise, shouting. I feel myself pulled back into my prison the burning in my forearms ever present but the rest of me feels numb, cold.

Slowly I open my eyes and they meet the open pale blue of someone else’s.

‘Cole?’ I try to say but my voice has deserted me, he must have removed my gag.

‘Shhh’ and he covers his lips with one of his fingers telling me to be quiet.

 

The shouting continues and although I can no longer keep my eyes open, my body sagging against my restraints again I am conscious and can make out familiar voices.

 

A male’s voice, strong Orlesian accent but thick with weariness cuts through some of the shouting.

‘Clarel is dead and I have assumed control of the few Wardens who remain. I don’t care what your orders were you are to stand down at once.’

‘But Warden-Commander Stroud-‘

 

Suddenly more footsteps, running this time.

 ‘You animals, what are you doing to her?’ Ellana? Yes, Ellana is screaming with rage.

‘We, we were ordered to, I-‘ a sword, followed by several more clatter to the floor in what I can assume is a surrender.

Other footsteps rush closer to me.

 

‘Thea, Thea my love. Can you hear me?’ The voice, his voice fills my heart. I can feel him touching the cut and bruising on my cheek, hear him wince when he studies the large abrasion to the side of my head and finally choke back a sob when he looks at the deep ragged wounds on my arms.

‘Cullen!’ I want to cry out, wrap my arms around him and never let go but I can do nothing. Despite my dehydration I feel a few tears beginning to well in the corner of my closed eyes.

‘She can hear you, but she is getting quieter’ Cole quietly comments and I hear Cullen gasp and then growl out ‘Dorian, Solas, help her!’

 

‘Cullen, our magic hardly affects her. We need health potions and a surgeon first.’ Dorian replies, I can hear the pain in his voice too.

‘Bull!’ Ellana says this time with authority but I don’t catch the rest of her order as the numbness begins to give way to more searing pain. I feel myself being jostled and then sag forward into strong arms as my restraints are cut. What I think should be the warm soothing of healing magic instead burns as some of my flesh is knitted back together.

‘It’s not working, where is Stitches?’ Ellana angrily demands. ‘Can we pour the health potions over her wounds?’

‘Not without them being closed first’ Solas calmly replies.

Throughout all of this the only constant I am aware of is the warmth of Cullen’s strong arms cradling me. It’s soothing, I’m reminded of the first time I fell asleep in his embrace and with that thought I once again drop into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Thea :( but you're safe now, no more Cliffhangers I promise x  
> Also did any of you pick up on the hints about Thea? I'd been dropping them since chapter 2!


	22. I'm Alive, I'm Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for your support :) Extra long chapter for you all in celebration of reaching 2000 views xxx

**Thea POV**

 

I can feel a gentle rocking, swaying. It seems to be punctuated by a repetitive clip-clop and an ongoing crunch of what can only be wheels on hard earth. For a while I let the noise soothe me, I think I fall asleep again but feel myself jostle awake when the rocking stops.

I finally allow my eyes creep open, although there isn’t much to see. I am lying down under a close canvas covering, there is light coming from small gaps in the canvas and my eyesight slowly adjusts.

‘This isn’t my prison’ I realize and as if to confirm the fact I slowly lift both my arms, finding no restraints and touch my face, there is no gag. I sigh in relief, allowing my eyes to re-close to try and remember what had happened to me.

Being kidnapped, bound and eventually bled, I allowed myself a quick look at one of my arms, it was fully bandaged, a relief as I didn’t want to see what must surely be awful wounds.

I remembered the noise of battle, the fear I had felt after being wounded and my frantic self-healing. I had done enough to save myself, to hang on long enough to be rescued.

‘I’m alive, I’m alive’ I tell myself soothingly, a small smile appearing on my face and remaining despite my quickly covering my eyes as a bright light floods my small space.

 

‘Ah Lady Thea, good to see you are awake, you gave us all quite a scare’ the somewhat familiar voice of the healer is a blessed release as I know that not only am I alive, but also among friends.

‘Let’s have a check of you then’ she says as she slides in next to me on the cramped cart and begins by feeling my temperature.

I see her also examine where I was struck on the face and where I was certain I had a cut on my head from my initial kidnapping. At last she moves to begin unwrapping the bandages on my wrist, and I stiffen.

‘Don’t worry dear, the surgeon and your mage friends have done a remarkable job.’ She soothes, sensing my distress. Once unwrapped I look at my forearms in wonder at the pale white line running down the center of each, starting almost at the join of my elbow right down to just above my protruding tendons where my restraints had stopped the blade. While the healer examines one arm I twist and flex my hand and fingers, I haven’t lost any movement. I pinch my thumb and index finger together then repeat with my other fingers ‘Have you lost any sensation?’ I shake my head to show a negative, still not trusting my voice.

‘That’s good, the main concern we had was that you had lost too much blood but you’ve had a near constant vigil, your friends will be delighted. Can I fetch any of them for you?’

‘The erm, the Commander if he is available?’ my voice is hoarse and the healer hands me some water whilst giving me a knowing smirk, departing to fetch Cullen.

 

The butterflies in my stomach don’t have to wait long as within minutes the cart flap is pulled back with force and back lit in what can only be the late evening sun is Cullen. A multitude of emotions flitting across his face, anguish turning to surprise and then awe. Gasping in exasperation.

‘The healer just said your name, I thought, I thought I’d lost you.’ I smile gently at his silliness, ‘Did you rush off before the healer had explained that I was in fact alive?’

He can’t even nod, instead he silently moves over to where I am sat, still uncharacteristically not saying a word before reaching out to brush my cheek with his hand. I sigh into the warm brush of his thumb, and finally Cullen pulls me in close to an all-encompassing hug. His one arm wrapped tight around my back, the other on the back of my head. The tears finally begin to fall and I couldn’t stop them from flowing even if I had wanted to.

 

After five minutes of our emotional reunion I finally trust myself to speak through my tears.

‘Cullen, I was so scared. I thought I might never see you again.’ I cry into his neck.

He gently rocks me at my words ‘Shh shh, you’re safe, you’re healed.’

We don’t say anything else, eventually my sobs subside and I’m able to pull my face from his neck to look at him again. He looks overwhelmingly relieved, I’m sure he wants to ask more questions but knows now is not the time.

‘Can I get you anything my Lady?’ He eventually suggests with a small smile, brushing my cheek again.

I think for only half a second ‘Food, ideally desserts and a bath!’

We both laugh at my demands and he moves to help me out of the cart, crossing the camp to many stares and pleased mumblings before leading me to a large tent. Looking around I see an empty armor stand and a travelling desk. ‘Is this your tent?’

‘Yes, you won’t be disturbed in here. I’ll get a bath drawn for you.’ He does as he states, expediting the process by bringing several pails of the water himself.

‘I’ll have someone bring you some clean clothes for when you are done and then I’ll be back with some food.’

I waste no time in stripping off my filthy clothes and submerging myself in the steaming bath, the water has been scented with the lavender I love so much and I allow myself a few minutes of quiet contented soaking before getting on with the important job. I proceed to spend half an hour scrubbing my entire body from head to toe, washing my hair several times and only when I am satisfied, and the water really isn’t going to be able to clean me anymore do finally step out.

Some simple dark leggings, under-things and a white shirt have been left for me and I put those on before braiding my wet hair.

 

Cullen returns with a very tempting tray of meats, cheeses and dried fruits. ‘I’m sorry there were no desserts. Pudding is not usually high on the priority list of a travelling army.’ He looks genuinely upset that he couldn’t deliver on my flippant request but I don’t tell him not to worry, instead proceeding to devour two thirds of the food.

I sit back once my appetite is sated ‘Oh, I forgot how much I enjoyed solid food. Sorry if I’ve eaten most of yours too’ I give him my best apologetic smile but he just chuckles and shakes his head at my antics.

‘Thea I –‘ he is cut off as the tent flap is opened and in pour our friends.

‘Cullen, you can’t keep her to yourself anymore!’ Ellana says rushing forward to hug me. I can see over her shoulder that a few of the others have also barged in to the tent, Dorian, Solas and Sera. I let out a quick yelp at her firm squeeze before she pulls back. ‘Creators, you aren’t still injured are you?’

‘No, you just give very strong hugs for someone with such skinny arms’ I tease and quickly continue, this time addressing the friends which have come to see me.

 

‘Thank you, all of you. You’ll have to fill me in on what has happened, but I’m so glad to be here.’

‘The state we found you in Darling, what were those Wardens thinking?’ Dorain asks a semi-rhetorical question.

‘I do have answers for you, but there are just one or two I guess theoretical questions I need to answer first. Solas, could I borrow you for five minutes?’

‘Of course Ma Falon’ he replies, moving over to where I’m sat.

At the same time Cullen moves to stand, vacating his chair for the Elven mage ‘Thea, I’ll be back in a few minutes, we only have two days of travelling left and I want to make sure that now you are awake my Officers can manage things so I can keep an eye on your recovery.’ He gives me a smile before quickly departing with the other Inquisition members.

 

 

‘Did you know what I could do?’ I begin as soon as the tent flap is closed, not needing to explain the detail behind my question.

He lets out an uncharacteristic sigh ‘I suspected’ he hangs his head ever so slightly at his admission. ‘Although I am somewhat of an expert with the Fade and it’s magic the Blight is something wholly unfamiliar to me. I had no way of knowing, or even to test my theory.’

‘My blood killed a Darkspawn in seconds, Erimond said I could cure the taint… is that even possible?’ I aim to keep my tone scholarly, hoping he will at least now be open with me even if I was keeping secrets from him.

‘You are an immovable island in a sea of magic’s. In the same way you are inherently connected to the Fade but almost immune from its affects such as possession, the same is true of Blight and therefore blood magic too. But I theorize that the nature of blood magic is such that your immunity may be passed on in the form of a cure or a quick death for the creatures highly corrupted.’

I nod, allowing what he has said to sink in. ‘It was so unnerving Solas, that creature, the Darkspawn was scared of me Erimond said I cut off the calling.’

‘I’m sorry but I truly don’t know more, although you may want to keep this secret from the Wardens as a whole considering your treatment at their hands perhaps you could speak to Blackwall or another trusted member who could help. ’ he does look genuine in his response. Typically when Solas was hiding information I knew he offered vague answers or posed rhetorical questions. This at least was direct. I wanted to rail at him from keeping this from me in the first place but I knew that if I let myself become angry then I may reveal what I knew of his identity and future plans so I kept my questioning general instead.

‘Does it not seem odd to you, that a person from my world should be so connected to Thedas?’ That seems to hit close to the mark as I see him incline his head.

‘Perhaps our worlds or more closely linked than we had previously thought?’ He vaguely answers.

‘So he does know more’ I think at his leading response, not about my relation to the Blight but about my connection to Thedas. I rub my forehead and knew I’d need time to process my new information, I could already begin to feel myself tire from my minimal excursions, probably still fatigued from the blood loss.

‘Ok, thank you for your help Solas. Could you please keep this between us for now? I will tell everyone once we get home, but I just don’t think I can cope with the barrage of questions that will be unleashed when everyone is informed.’

‘Certainly, you were close to death when we found you. I’m sure the rest of the inquisition will be understanding if you need more time to recover.’  With that he stands, pats me reassuringly on the arm and then leaves.

 

Cullen returns only a few moments later ‘Do I have a tent to sleep in or will I need to go back to the healers’ cart?’ I ask tiredly, the weariness catching up with me.

‘You can sleep in here with me, if that’s ok with you?’ he rubs the back of his neck a bit sheepishly at his suggestion.

‘It’s more than ok with me but are you not worried about gossip or my maidenly virtue?’ I tease with a knowing smirk.

He laughs ‘you are no maiden and propriety be dammed, I’m not spending one more night without you in my arms.’ His openness makes me waste no more time, moving over to where he is standing I kiss him gently on the cheek. ‘Thank you’ I say whilst pausing while I take in his scent. It’s everything I missed and more and so I slowly move my face to his lips and press a gentle, promise of a kiss there before pulling back.

‘Good night then’ I smile before excitedly tucking myself into the bed, reveling in the warmth that envelops me. I’m asleep within seconds.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s almost pitch black when I wake. My vision slowly returns to me although everything seems to be in black and white as it does so. I also begin to panic when I view my surroundings, I’m no longer at the Inquisition camp in our shared tent.

‘Cullen?’ I ask the echoing, swirling mist that forms around me while I begin briskly looking for something, a way out, a sign. Anything.

I begin to hear voices long before I can see their source.

_What are you? What are you? Freak! What are you?_

 

The increased whispering fill me with dread and I begin running through the mist, panting for air as I feel myself begin to struggle to breathe. ‘I’m gagged!’ I realize with horror and move my hands to remove it but find that they too are tied with familiar, stained restrains.

I look up to see Erimond stalking towards me with his dagger, his mouth is moving but I can’t hear his words over the whispering overtaking my mind.

 

_Freak! Monster. What are you?_

I scream against my gag when I realize just where the taunting words are coming from. Dead Wardens and Darkspawn, hundreds of them litter the ground as far as I can see in the dim, misty light. I begin flailing against my restraints, not wanting to endure Erimond’s cruelty again as he starts to press the knife to top of my forearm.

 

‘Thea! Thea, you’re safe.’ Cullen’s panicked voice cut’s through my terror. The grip on my wrists isn’t from bloody restraints but from his warm hands, stopping my flailing. I begin gasping for air in the humid tent, my nightmare receding. The limited light of the moon creeping in through the canvas tent, illuminating that I am in fact safe.

Once my eyes adjust I have to check my forearms again ‘still healed, still safe’ I breathe slowly, Cullen’s fingers rubbing slow soothing circles down my back till I feel my heart rate return to normal, breathing deepening.

 

‘I thought I was supposed to be the one with nightmares’ he teases, and I do feel a small chuckle bubble up at his dark attempt at reassurance.

‘Was it a demon?’ he asks somewhat concerned.

‘No’ I reassure, ‘just a good old-fashioned nightmare.’ He hums and draws me back into his embrace, my shoulders tucked under one of his protective arms.

‘Do you want to tell me what happened? It might help?’

 

I know it probably would help but that’s not the response I give. ‘Can it wait till we get home? That way I only have to tell everyone once.’ It is a feeble excuse.

‘Of course love’ he says and plants a comforting kiss to the top of my head.

I knew in my heart that I was terrified, that with this revelation about me that he will pull away. By delaying, even if I only bought myself a couple more days it would be worth it. If he thinks the same of me as the voices in my dreams then I will lose him and right now, still raw from the events of Adamant I know I would struggle to cope.

 

* * *

 

 

With the remaining days of travelling I feel my strength returning and mercifully have no more nightmares. News of the Inquisitions victory at Adamant has spread rapidly and so alongside the usual Skyhold guard there are swarms of nobles and well-wishers to cheer on the Inquisitor and her victorious army at our return.

The debrief is set to begin immediately but I plead weariness and ask to be sent for when they are ready for my information. I do pass on a message that only certain members of the inner circle and the Advisors should be present, there were certain individuals who although I loved, I just couldn’t trust with keeping a secret. ‘Varric’ I think glumly.

 

I spend an hour in my long empty room, planning what I am going to say and bracing myself for the worst should my nightmares be realized. I felt it was a warning from my subconscious that I could so easily be used as a weapon, even though I don’t know exactly what I would do if someone did try to take advantage of me I had to be prepared.

The thought of Cullen pulling away from me was the other dampener on my mood.

Before all this I had decided to try and stay in Thedas, maybe have a life with him. But now not only was I no longer ‘safe’ here, but I could lose him too. He accepted me as a mage but what if this new facet of my being was a step too far for him.

 

All too soon a messenger comes summoning me to the War Room. When I enter I’m pleased to find that only the few members I had requested were present.

The Inquisitor and the Advisors of course but also Cassandra, Dorian and Solas.

Josephine takes a moment to welcome me back with a small hug and to offer me a chair but I reply a negative and begin.

I start from my awakening in the cell, telling them that first week or so I was treated with some respect. Kept fed and watered although I saw Cullen tense his fist in anger as I told them about my restraints.

‘Clarel and Erimond eventually came to see me and I tried to tell her about Corypheus, that Erimond was a liar, but I was struck and gagged before I could convince her. Then erm...’ Cullen hardens in anger again at my harsh treatment whilst my heart rate begins to pick up, dreading what I now have to tell them. Ellana sees my distress and brings me over some water, I take a shaky sip before beginning.

‘They brought a Darkspawn into the cell, it was bound similar to me Clarel said it was an Alpha and it got very distressed when it was moved close to me, like it was screaming.’ I pause to focus myself. ‘Clarel took some of my blood from my cut cheek using her dagger and broke the skin of the Darkspawn with the blade. It died, it died instantly.’ I pause for a moment, allowing my words to sink in for my audience.

‘Erimond said my blood could cure the taint for humans as easily as kill fully corrupted Darkspawn. That was why Clarel agreed to the plan, that was why Alexius brought me here’ I give a meaningful look to Dorain.

‘Why if you were so important had they butchered you’ Cullen’s pained question comes from his position, I can see he has dropped his head in what I assume is disgust.

‘That was Erimond, when the battle started Clarel said she wanted some of my blood in the event I was rescued. She left Erimond to make the arrangements and he said that his Master needed me dead.’

I can’t go into more detail than that, I’m sure I don’t need to. Anyone who saw my wounds must have known the agony I suffered. My emotions are bubbling up and I begin to feel tears form in my eyes.

‘They, they didn’t test the cure. I think perhaps it’s something you may want to consider but not on Warden Blackwall, I don’t want to kill him if it’s a lie. Maybe Erimond can tell you more-’

I choke off a sob then, remembering that my torturer was still alive and being held somewhere in these walls. I look up to try and find reassurance. All the assembled ladies look on with sympathy, I see thoughtfulness from Dorian and Solas but Cullen. Cullen isn’t even looking at me, his head is hung so low it’s impossible for me to make eye contact and I take it as confirmation that he can no longer stand the sight of me.

 

‘I’m sorry’ I manage to quietly cry out before turning and escaping the silence. Tears falling as I flee to the safety of my own room.

 

* * *

 

 

Reliving such painful memories was hard for me. But what was harder still was the lack of response I had witnessed from my friends, colleagues and of course Cullen. I couldn’t stand to wait in the War Room while they discussed my future, decided what to do with the Abomination and so I had fled.

I hear a knock and gloomily think I’m going to be dragged off to Dagna for experimentation but still open the door.

 

‘Thea’ Cullen says breathlessly as he bundles me into a strong embrace, not caring that we are still stood in the doorway.

‘Wh, what-‘ I try to say but I am muffled by his fur mantle. He walks us in to my chamber and I hear the door fall closed behind us. His embrace is hard, reassuring but also painful ‘Cullen, your armor, hurts.’

‘Oh I’m so sorry’ he says quickly and instead of leaving as I expect him to he proceeds to remove his chest-plate, gloves and mantle, leaving the remaining armor on for now.

Once deposited on the table he returns to me, grasping me round the waist and bringing his lips to mine in a passionate searing kiss. I’m too shocked to properly respond and Cullen, sensing my hesitation pulls back to look at my confused face.

‘I’m sorry, that was too forward of me’ he says stepping back, releasing his grasp and rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.

‘Why are you here?’ I quietly ask, not certain if I want to hear his response.

‘Why am I? Thea you ran off before I could comfort you, no wonder you are having nightmares if that is what you endured. But I’m here for you now, we all are.’

His words still don’t match up with his behavior ‘but in the War Room you couldn’t even look at me. I thought, that you hated me now. Now I’m some kind of Freak!’ He shakes his head at my impassioned response.

‘I couldn’t look at you because I was angry, but not at you. At the worthless creatures who did this to you. Thea I love you, I always will.’ With that he moves closer to me again, embracing me at first before beginning to nuzzle the side of my face. A wave of relief washes over me at his words and this time I return his embrace, drawing him closer to me with my own arms.

‘I love you’ He whispers reassuringly into my ear and begins the trailing soft kisses down the side of my face, then my neck which he must know I can’t resist.

I’m quickly being swept up in his tender affections only a tiny pit of uncertainty remaining ‘Cullen how can you still want me? Love me? I’m not even sure I’m Human.’ Despite my words, my weak protestation I offer him more of my throat and wrap one of my long legs around the back of his calf, trying to draw him closer.

‘Well I did always think you were a bit strange’ I pull back and see Cullen’s teasing face staring back at me.

With a playful gasp I respond ‘you bastard’ I punch his arm as hard as I’m able in the confined space between our bodies ‘this is no time for jokes. I’m having a crisis of species here!’ And with that I unhook my leg and move to push him away but he grasps my wrists and pulls my arms wide so I can no longer interfere. Pressing his body back to mine he once again kisses me along my jaw, the corner of my lips ‘hmm and why should that stop me from loving you?’

‘Are you serious? I might not be Human, how is that _not_ an issue for you?’ My response is increasingly breathy as he seemingly ignores my complaint at first continuing to lavish all my exposed skin with attention. I begin panting slightly, feeling my arousal beginning to pool and can’t help but whimper pitifully as he continues.

 

‘Perhaps were you are from it seems odd, but here there Humans, Dwarves, Elves and Qunari.’ He releases my hands and begins walking us backwards toward my bed. ‘All of whom have relationships, families with each other so this is no different.’ Cullen had been a gentleman on the road but now he knew I was safe, healed and still so responsive to his attentions. The gentleman was gone and the passionate Lion of a man I had met too infrequently had taken control.

‘Even if you aren’t Human, you are mistaken if you think that is going to stop me from fucking you so thoroughly that you get with child.’ I'm pushed backwards on to the bed, my yelp of surprise transforming into cries of pleasure as he sought to keep his seductive promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next update will be in a few days. The rest of the story is planned out and a lot of key scenes are written but I want to make sure everything is perfect seeing as we are entering the final few chapters. And don't worry, there shall be smut.


	23. Man's Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So very NSFW

**Cullen POV**

 

I only have a brief moment of panic when I wake realizing I’m not in my usual loft and have no visible skylight. It is almost immediately quashed however when I feel the warmth pressed into me, feel the rise and fall of Thea’s chest with each calm steady breath.

I had spent the night loving her, reassuring her that she was safe and still loved despite her ordeals.

In truth it was as much a balm for my soul as it appeared to be for hers. When we had eventually found her, shackled and deathly pale with what were almost certainly mortal wounds I had almost cracked. I shiver briefly at the remembrance of her gaunt, tortured body and draw her closer to me.

It had taken the best efforts of the surgeons and then our mage healers to bring her back from the brink and now she was returned I had no intention of ever letting her go again.

 

‘Mmmn morning love’ she mumbles into our embrace as she wakes.

‘Good morning’ I reply while kissing the top of her head.

She props herself up on one arm to look at me and I briefly stroke the coin which rests on its long chain around her neck. ‘Do you think we can just stay in bed today?’ she asks with a sheepish smile and I can see her flush at the memory of last night.

‘As much as I would love to I have work to do. I also think the Advisors will still want to speak to you about what you revealed yesterday.’

Her face falls at the mention and I stroke her cheek to reassure her.

‘It will be ok, whatever happens I will keep you safe. Maker if there was a way I could ensure you would be permanently safe. To take you away from all this I would do so in a heartbeat.’

 

She looks thoughtful for a moment at my words and I am floored by her quiet response. ‘There is a way. I could go home.’

‘What, how?’ I don’t try to hide my disbelieving tone.

‘I can’t tell you specifics, but there will be an opportunity and before this.’ She gestures between us, ‘that had been my intention.’

‘Do you want to go home?’ My question is laden with emotions but hurt is the only one I can name.

She shakes her head ‘Not since we've found each other, I still don’t. But what has happened has scared me Cullen. The thought that I could be used as a weapon in some way, if I’m recaptured and forced just to perpetually bleed for the rest of my days-’ She chokes off, no doubt remembering her very real experiences.

I bundle her back up into my arms, stroking and rocking her as I had done last night, pushing down my own sadness. It would kill me to lose her now, but I would gladly suffer that pain if it meant saving her from a fate worse than death.

After a minute of silence between us and with my mind still reeling from her admission I finally find the words to respond. ‘I standby what I said. I wouldn’t stop you if you wanted to return especially if it would mean you could be safe. Just… promise me you’ll give me the chance to say goodbye if you do decide to leave.’

‘Cullen!’ my words make her cry harder into my chest and I have to will back my own tears at her confession. Once she has calmed again I claim her lips in a tender kiss, hoping that I can show her what my words cannot.

‘I love you.’ She says once we have parted for air. ‘And whatever I decide we’ll talk through it first ok. I won’t just leave you, I couldn’t.’ We lean into our embrace, parting only when we need to make a start to our day.

 

\--

 

Later as expected an Advisor council is summoned. I give Thea’s hand a reassuring squeeze as we make our way through the doors, trying to calm the panic I can see rising in her.

The meeting proceeds as typical and I can see her relax after a short while, pleased that the focus isn’t going to be on her.

The Inquisitor makes plans to return to the Approach, there had been a Dragon in the area she wanted to investigate and then travel on the Hissing Wastes and Forbidden Oasis. Assuming her work in the area was thorough and with no intention to return the whole trip was expected to take up to sixth months. Josephine protested that it was too long for the Inquisitor to be absent and not be ‘seen’ by the visiting nobles but in truth we had bought enough favor with the Royalty at Halamshiral to secure the Inquisition for years to come.

 

At the end of the meeting I hear Leliana clear her throat and begin to address Thea directly.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to wish you well yesterday Lady Thea, but I am truly glad you are safe and recovered. With the new information you provided us I do have a favor to ask.’

Thea visibly stiffens at Leliana’s words and I shoot the spymaster a warning glance.

‘I have a two very dear friends who are Wardens. They aren’t associated with the Wardens of Orlais or Weisshaupt but they have been searching for a cure for some time.’

‘Leliana you can’t be serious!’ I know exactly which two Wardens she means.

She just raises a hand at my protest. ‘Please. One of them is far out West as we speak, all I ask is that you permit me to tell them of your gifts and that they may come to talk, with the Inquisitors permission of course.’ She adds an as afterthought.

The Inquisitor is the only one who has the authority to veto this idea and I pray that she does so as she starts to speak. ‘Are these the Wardens you traveled with in the Blight Leliana?’

She nods at the Inquisitors question and adds more detail. ‘The Queen is searching for a cure in the hopes that they could conceive an heir. Please Thea, this is not only for stability in Fereldan but also to save two very precious friends.’ She uncharacteristically pleads.

I see Thea’s mind working. Of course she knew who the Wardens were, she had followed their story and I had no doubt that she would feel sympathy with their plight. I move over to her and say quietly ‘Thea please, this isn’t what you want.’ She brushes her hand over my arm but smiles sadly before turning to address the Spymaster.

‘If your friends are to come I want it to be on the most secretive terms, I don’t want any other Wardens to know.’ Leliana nods in agreement.

‘My other condition is that I will not now, nor will I ever be used as a weapon. If my blood can cure then so be it but I won’t have it used to create weapons to kill, even Darkspawn.’

‘I agree’ Ellana speaks up. ‘I know these people are dear to you Leliana but Thea is dear to us. I won’t have her be at risk from those savage Wardens again.’ She hardens as she speaks. The Inquisitor had taken the news of Thea’s capture and subsequent injuries as badly as I had done. The Wardens she had dismissed to Weisshaupt despite Stroud’s assurances that they could help the Inquisitions mission, too angry to even consider their aid after the abuses of her friend.

‘It will be ok Cullen’ Thea says to try and soothe my troubled expression but it does little to help. I already feel as if I’m failing in my morning promise to keep her safe.

 

* * *

 

 

The Inquisitor leaves after a week of respite, all of the Inner circle travelling with her as it was too long to send to and from Skyhold when reinforcements were needed.

As for us Advisors we returned to our usual routine with the exception that Thea moved into my loft. It became very apparent very quickly that we would not be separated again, even to sleep and at first I had gone to her room on an evening. However after she caught me one morning in a brief panic at her fully closed off room she made the decision that day to instead move fully into my Chamber, with the condition that I procured more sleeping furs because of ‘that damned drafty hole.’

She never brought up returning to her home world again and despite never being far from my thoughts I didn’t raise the topic either. I was instead determined just to love her for as long as possible and raising a topic which may cause her to break off our relationship early would not benefit that goal. Despite not knowing the enemies next move everything was relatively peaceful and I was happy.

Maker, I couldn’t remember ever being so happy and Mia picked up on my changed tone in her various letters.

 

_You will have to thank the Lady who crafted that wonderful flip-book for your Nephew. I know you can’t draw half so well._

_Two letters in the space of three months? Someone is having a good effect on you._

_Will you be able to come and visit for Satinalia this year and if so should I plan for you to bring a guest?_

Despite Mia’s probing I never gave any details about Thea, not even her name. If she did decide to return I wanted to protect my family from her loss, and protect myself from their questioning and pity. But I wanted to tell them. I wanted to take her to visit South Reach, to proudly declare to all that this is the woman I loved, to introduce her to my family and maybe start a family of our own.

 

The Inquisitor returned from her long travels out West only to set off again almost immediately after at the disappearance of Warden Blackwall. It was the only time Thea and I spent apart during those long months and although I was annoyed at Rainer for making me lose what precious little time I may have left with her, the trip to Val Royeaux did at least give me the chance to buy something I had had in mind for a while.

‘I want to marry her’ I say to Rylen one quiet morning at training.

‘I’m surprised you haven’t already. You’ve got a ring right?’ He himself had a wife in Starkhaven, a wife who summarily ordered him back from the Western Approach when she found out he was working in that Darkspawn infested desert.

‘Yes I purchased one in Val Royeux…I don’t know maybe after all this is done.’ I meant, if she even remains in Thedas after all of this is done.

‘I wouldn’t if I were you mate. Would you not rather be married to her than to wait and maybe never get to call her your Wife?’

‘I hadn’t thought of it like that, perhaps you are right.’

‘Aye I’m right. Pretty lass that, she’d give you some beautiful bairns.’ I laugh at my friend’s implication and we return to our inspection of the training troops. I didn’t mention marriage again but the thought of asking her sooner rather than never was appealing.

 

\--

 

Several weeks after Blackwalls recovery Morrigan joined us unexpectedly in the War Room. After a private conference with the Inquisitor the potential next target for Corypheus was identified.

We would need to move on the Arbor Wilds.

Some plans were hastily drawn up and actions agreed upon there in the meeting before we filed out to begin our march preparations in earnest.

 

Thea, assisting with requisitions and provisions caught up to me on my walk back to our tower.

‘When we are travelling to and from the Wilds will we be sharing a tent or do you think it’s not professional?’

‘One tent is fine. You will be staying here’ I say not stopping walking.

‘What?’ She does stop and her sharp tone makes me turn round, to try and explain myself to her.

‘It’s safer here, I’m sorry but you are staying.’ I say sadly before continuing on my way.

‘No, I won’t!’ She steps in front of me to block my attempt at walking away from the argument, seething in her refusal.

‘Yes you will. I Command this army and with the exception of the Inner Circle personnel decisions fall to me.’ I hate the thought that I need to pull rank with her like this ‘You will stay here where it’s safe.’ She folds her arms and gives me what I have come to recognize is her angry face.

‘Cullen-‘

‘Thea-‘ We both give an exasperated huff at cutting each other off. Fortunately I recover more quickly and explain my reasoning.

‘You’ve seen the reports. There will be Red Templars, Darkspawn and bound Wardens. Even if we weren’t together I still couldn’t take a non-combatant to such a place. But as I do happen to love you and can’t stand the thought of you being taken from me again please stay here. Please, let me protect you!’ I plead, hoping it’s enough for her to see my reasoning.

 

It is not.

‘The first time they tried to kidnap me I was dancing with you and the second time they tried we were apart. Do I need to remind you on which occasion you were able to protect me?’ I don’t concede her point, even if it is true.

‘I hope that the rest of the Wardens won’t find out about me, try to take me again but if they do they won’t succeed if I’m with you. The safest place for me is by your side.’ She is imploring, too convincing in her argument.

I sigh ‘You aren’t going to take no for an answer are you?’ She detects the acceptance in my tone

‘I am not but if you graciously admit defeat I will make it up to you later’ I don’t even need to give her an answer, she quickly pecks my cheek before running away before I can think of a convincing counter-argument.

 

* * *

 

 

That evening I return to the office and notice that the two side doors have been locked from the inside. ‘Thea?’ I shout up to our shared loft.

‘Lock the door and take off your armor.’ I hear her reply. Strange request as she knew my armor stand was upstairs but I agree, heading up when I was only clad in my undershirt and leather trousers.

 

I ascend the ladder and throw an inquisitive glance around our shared room. Candles have been lit, there is a tray of meats, fruits and little pastries on the dresser along with a carafe of wine.

Thea is wearing her robe, not entirely unusual but she usually just reserved it for lounging in post bathing. Her beautiful long waves are unbound and I see her take a sip of the wine, she looks somewhat nervous.

‘What’s all this?’ I finally ask after finishing my appraisal.

‘Did you know it has been a year since Halamshiral?’

‘A year, Maker the time has flown. So this is all for…’

‘Our Anniversary’ she suggests with an embarrassed smirk. I respond with an earnest laugh and see her relax.

‘Anyways, I believe at HalamshiraI our dance was cut short and so I owe you one.’ I give her a quizzical look but continue to play along with whatever she is plotting.

‘Very well my Lady, may I have this dance?’ I give her a polite bow extending my hand and she responds with her beautiful smile ‘I’d be delighted my Lord.’

I pull her into my arms and am about to start some of our rehearsed steps but she stops me.

‘This time, I’ll lead.’ With that she bites her lip, a twinkle of mischief in her eyes as she breaks hold to press her body against mine. I let out a small gasp at the shameless press of her soft breasts against my hard planes while she slides her hands down to my waist.

Instead of taking a step as I would expect she begins a slow seductive figure of eight roll of her hips allowing the action to also travel up to her chest which brushes slowly and oh so temptingly over my own. Gently coercing with her hands, my own hips and waist to begin mirroring her actions and she gives a pleased mewl as my quickly hardening arousal begins to brush against her core.

Her hands move up and she places her arms over my shoulders, drawing our foreheads together at the same time. She continues her sensual writhing occasionally pulling back and catching my eyes with a smoldering gaze, lightly nuzzling my cheek or ghosting her lips over mine.

Although rocking along with her I’m unsure what I’m supposed to be doing instead just reveling in the press of her, my arousal already aching to be free despite our minimal caresses.

‘You can touch me Cullen’ she whispers, only hinting at her tentative confidence by requesting rather than an ordering that I do so.

I waste no time in placing my hands over her hips, allowing them to move with the sway-sway of her dance. I start to return her playful nudges and almost kisses with ones of my own and she lets out a delicate giggle as she turns her head away at the last moment, denying my attempt. I grumble at her teasing and in retaliation I allow myself to more fully explore her curves, trailing my hands up and down her hour-glass physique, bringing my fingers up to brush at what is exposed of her neck and collar bone.

I’m not a patient man and I want to see more of her, to touch more of her. My searching fingers travel a path down the naked V of her neck before moving to take hold of one of the ends of the ribbon which ties her robe.

 

‘Ah ah Commander’ she shakes her head at my action and moves my hand away. Slowly and still rocking in that seductive way she walks me backwards to our bed, pushing my shoulder when we reach it causing me to perch on the very end.

Once sat she moves away from me and goes over to the small dresser for another sip of wine ‘liquid courage’ I hear her mumble but its meaning is lost on me. She comes to stand between my leather covered thighs, smiling shyly through her lashes an embarrassed flush coloring her cheeks.

She leans in and I can’t help but stare at the deep V of her neckline as she does, hinting at the generous swell of her breasts just within reach. ‘No more touching’ she says whilst lightly nibbling on my ear lobe before standing back up straight and moving her hands to her robe. One hand slowly pulls the end of the ribbon till the knot comes loose she then uses both hands to peel off her robe so temptingly slowly. Her hips start their seductive figure of eight again as she first exposes one shoulder, I can see the strap of something showing and am briefly disappointed the she isn’t naked underneath. Her other arm soon appears and then she pushes her shoulders back, allowing the robe to drop to the floor in the same instant.

 

‘Maker’s breath’ I almost whimper as I take in her barely covered form. She is wearing a scarlet silk chemise and it is almost entirely transparent. Her core is covered in matching silk underwear but her breasts are all but completely exposed. The thin dress doing nothing to hide her voluptuous curves, her erect nipples and I can’t help but moan a complaint ‘How do you expect me to keep my hands off you?’ I study her face, she is flushed a beautiful scarlet of her own the brief flitting of embarrassment receding into delighted confidence as she takes in my awestruck expression.

‘No more touching’ she reiterates before starting to sway her beautiful body again.

 

This time she allows her hands to trail over her own frame, repeatedly brushing down her sides to the tops of her thighs, dragging the chemise back up on the return to expose her silk covered hips. With more confident motions she moves her hands up to brush ever so lightly over her breasts, briefly squeezing and cupping. I moan again in complaint but she doesn’t stop to tease, her hands continue their upwards journey and she lightly bites and then sucks at one of her index fingers her meaningful gaze not lost on me as I can’t help but imagine my cock receiving such sinful treatment.

After tormenting me so her arms move up and bend, her hands in her loose waves as she starts to writhe and roll in earnest. Sometimes snaking her hips so that I’m craving to caress her curves other times leaning forwards, getting closer inch by inch to my lips, then flitting away at the last second till I am panting and incensed with need.

Just when I am almost overcome and about to lose all restraint, the feast for my eyes becoming too much she further ups the stakes. Placing one of her knees on the bed next to me and another arm reaching for support she asks seductively ‘Are you enjoying the view?’

In her new position her body is brought closer to mine, apart from the hand on my shoulder she is still not touching me and I grip the sleeping furs in frustration.

‘Why are you torturing me?’ I all but whimper, unable to take my eyes from her figure. She giggles again but doesn’t give me any other answer as she begins the next phase of her dance. A slow forward roll starting with her heavy breasts and travelling down through her narrow waist before ending at the apex of her thighs. I can hear myself gasping with awed need as my eyes travel up and down her body, she is riding me without touching me, my fists white with the grip I am holding on the furs.

She is so, so close to me, each body part that is thrust forward almost brushing against mine, her core grinding in air in the space above over my painful erection, teasing without ever offering a reprieve.

 

I finally snap and snake my arm out, banding it around her waist to press her close to me. I groan at the relief the contact brings but she shakes her head and pulls herself off my lap.

I’m hot, frustrated and angrily tear off my shirt ‘Thea!’ I almost hiss at her, part warning part begging.

‘You can’t touch me, but I didn’t say anything about you touching yourself’ I inhale at her implication but she just gives the smallest nod of her head to reassure me of her permission before slipping the straps from her chemise. The slinky garment pooling by her feet and I groan at the sight. True the silk hadn’t been concealing anything but now she was fully exposed apart from that tiny scarlet covering over her core and I can’t help but take her up on her implied offer. Frantically freeing myself from my trousers only half noticing that I had never been so hard and large before.

She bites her lips in unconcealed lust as she watches me begin to stroke myself, a small whimper escaping from her before she is able to regain her composure. With a shuddering sigh she explains ‘Now we start again’ and she begins the seductive twisting and writhing that had so captivated me earlier. She is more confident now, her movements larger and her hands shamelessly teasing me by teasing herself. I feel like the most hedonistic voyeur I stroke myself in time with each sway of her hips, not caring that I was already leaking pre-cum, somehow buying into this need to torment myself for as long as possible.

I give an uncontrolled buck of my hips and she notices that I am losing control of myself, my strokes becoming faster, my moans more frequent. Instead of straddling me as I would expect she instead drops to her knees between my still covered thighs, kneeling upright she moves to take my cock into her waiting mouth but I am not done playing the voyeur.

‘No, play with your tits.’ I pant without remorse and she lets out an aroused gasp at my filthy request. She begins doing as I ask pushing her breasts together and up and apart. Swirling her fingers over her nipples before pinching each nub. I am furiously fucking my own fist now, unashamed at my response to her self-groping and passionate gasps.

‘Do you want me to come all over you, to mark you?’

‘God yes, I want to be dripping in your seed’ she edges forward, the remaining gap between us closed and pushes her chest forwards. I feel the tip of my cock nudging at her heaving breasts, she tilts her head back in surrender and finally spill myself with a prolonged moan. Marking her from her throat, all over her swollen tits and abused erect nipples.

Even if succumbed to madness I knew nothing would ever take the image away I now have of Thea on her knees, panting with her own arousal and coated in my spend.

She leans forward and finally, finally I am able to kiss her beautiful lips.

 

We eventually break for air and I see Thea use her discarded chemise to wipe the slick from her chest. I think I probably need to apologize for my boorish requests and am about to when Thea takes my half hard cock into her mouth.

‘Ah, Thea!’ I can’t help but cry, still so over sensitive from my orgasm she sucks and licks delicately at first, slowly coaxing me back to full hardness, I try to protest but she ignores me. It is too much, I throw my head back and am certain that I am by the Makers side as she continues my new torture till I am almost weeping in pleasured agony. I grab a hold of her soft hair, thrusting into her amazing mouth with abandon. Through my haze I finally remember that she has not yet taken her pleasure from me and so begin rectifying this shameful oversight at once.

 

I grab her by the arms and bringing her up to my lips tear her from her work. I moan into the kiss as I can taste some of my own seed on her talented tongue but do not spend more time with trifling kisses.

‘My turn’ I growl, dragging her up further till she is standing and I scoop her up by her ass, standing myself with fluidity I didn’t know I could possess in my madly aroused state. She instinctively wraps her graceful legs around my waist and begins licking and kissing whatever available skin she can find.

I take two, three large strides forward and with unrepentant force slam her back against our chamber wall.

The added support allows me to free my hands and I brutally massage her exposed breasts, bringing my lips to both nipples to first lick and then lightly bite the sensitive peaks. She bucks up and down against me, her desperate whines increasing in volume and I feel the tip of my still exposed rock hard erection graze her soaked silken core.

Not releasing my hold on her to remove the flimsy garment I instead pull the crotch of her underwear to one side, quickly lining my cock up with her drenched folds.

She keens at the action ‘Cullen Yes, please ye-‘ She cuts herself off with a cry of pleasure and I hear myself shout in triumph as I final slide into her hot tight heat in one smooth motion.

Keeping her pinned to the wall with my arms under her thighs I begin thrusting in time with her desperate riding of me. The angle is perfect for stroking that sweet spot inside of her and the press of our bodies means her clit is brushing against the hard planes of my chest with each upward motion.

‘You Maker sent woman.’ I pant into her ear, starting to lick and kiss her exposed throat, reveling in the taste of her skin. ‘How you’ve tormented me’ she moans at my words and I begin to feel a fluttering contraction from her walls. She was already so close, so wet, tightening the hot friction I feel from my aching shaft. My thrusts become more powerful, trying to penetrate her even further as I feel my own end also approaching.

‘Scream for me love, let all of Skyhold hear how much you love being fucked against the wall.’

With that she throws her head back, writhing and coming apart around my cock as a scream of unrestrained pleasure tears from her throat. My vision begins to narrow and I feel my hips stutter, the erotic noises still pouring from my lover in ecstasy proving too much for my restraint and I break with a hard shout. White hot pleasure travelling across every inch of my body and is prolonged by feeling my seed shooting up into her with unbridled intensity.

We come down from our combined high and I gently place her feet back on the floor before kissing and whispering, just how much I adore her, worship her. She revels in my tender affections, her composure slowly regaining till she is able to speak with her coy smile.

‘Happy Anniversary’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahem...  
> Don't know whether i'm proud or ashamed of this chapter.


	24. In the Shadow of the Forest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

**Thea POV**

 

It takes almost a month of marching to finally reach the landing camp for our assault on the Wilds. A long frustrating month as Cullen had seemingly been enforcing a ‘no sexy-time’ rule while we were on the mission. This had been particularly difficult for me as I had never seen the ‘Commander’ in action before. I had to admit that to hear and see him being so authoritative, passionately leading and exuding confidence was doing wonderful things for my libido.

Of course the same professionalism that drove him to act in such a way also meant that despite sharing a tent I was always long asleep before he had even retired for the evening and he was often already working when I eventually woke.

The lack of action had resulted in me having several colorful dreams about all the action we could be having. But as he was usually not in bed when my dreams supplied such wonderful inspiration I couldn’t make them into a reality. Yes it had been a very frustrating month indeed.

 

Ellana was also frustrated although not for the same reasons. It had taken so long for us to cut through the dense forest but it had also slowed our enemies’ progress and the Scouts reported that they were not too much further ahead of us.

We finally reached the landing camp and battle plans were quickly drawn up with our allies. Despite earlier reports suggesting a Darkspawn presence in the area this mercifully seemed to not be the case and our primary enemies were the remnants of the Red Templar Army. I continue to listen on the planning but really couldn’t offer much insight

 

_‘The Red Templars don’t sleep, we will have to rotate the army so that we don’t lose ground during the night.’_

_‘We have significantly greater numbers, it shouldn’t be an issue.’_

_‘Morrigan will come with us to the temple as she knows the most about the ancient writings there’_

 

I didn’t miss Solas’ slight huff at those words from Ellana but as he was keeping his secret I felt no pity for him.

It did make me think on my own secrets though, I had had little to do, or rather little to worry about regarding ‘main quest’ for months now. Truthfully I didn’t know whether or not I should try and warn Ellana about the Well or at least give a vague ‘don’t mess with things you don’t understand’ talk, but I remembered that this really wasn’t my decision to make.

Ellana was Dalish, passionate about her people and although she may well be upset to find out she is bound to Mythal I had no way of knowing which outcome was truly best and so decided to keep my counsel.

 

The meeting breaks off and the army begins to move out immediately, Cullen catches up to me before he has to go.

‘Thea, you won’t do anything risky will you? This could be a long, drawn out battle and I may not be able to leave the forward posts for some time.’ He looks as anxious as I had ever seen him. The thought of me being in danger clearly preoccupying his thoughts.

Not caring that we were in the middle of camp I lean into him, allowing his chin to brush my hair and I can feel him draw comfort from the action.

‘I promise I have no intention of trying to fight, or even seeing the fighting. I’ll be here helping Josephine manage the base camp so please don’t worry about me and just concentrate on keeping yourself safe.’ He doesn’t respond, just continues hold me.

‘Would you like your lucky coin for the battle?’ I suggest but can feel him shake his head.

‘No, if the worst were to happen at least I would know you had a piece of me with you to take home.’

I can’t reply, feeling myself choke up with emotion as I seemingly just realize that he is going into battle. He will be the one in danger and more than that, he still is expecting me to leave at any time. I look up into his eyes ‘Cullen, I will be here when you come back and you _will_ come back’. My conviction reassures him somewhat and he wipes the stray tear which had fallen down my cheek.

‘If you say so my Lady’ he whispers into my lips giving me a gentle fleeting kiss goodbye.

 

* * *

 

 

There follows three days of non-stop fighting. As planned the army rotates between different shifts so that all our fighters are given time to rest before heading back into the fray. I could only hope that the Commander was resting as I knew his men were. It is slow, painful progress and I do what little I can to help keep provisions to the front lines, organize the few men who remain at this base camp and support the healer’s tent.

After days of heavy skirmishes the route is finally cleared for the Inquisitor to head to the temple.

We are told that the various strike teams including the one lead by Cullen himself set off before dawn to try and finish the remnants of the enemy army and I can do little but anxiously wait for their return. Half the day passes before the tent flap is forcefully thrown back and a somewhat desperate looking Commander walks straight up to me.

‘The Inquisitor is missing from the temple. Should I be worried?’

I give the slightest shake of my head and see him close his eyes and take a deep breath of relief, visibly sagging. I take a moment to study him, he looks exhausted, stressed and not for the first time do I wish he would let me support him more in this endeavor. His eyes open and he must read some of the emotions on my face ‘I’m glad you’re here’ he says bringing his gloved hand up to my cheek. A brief glimpse of the Cullen underneath the armor is all I get as we are quickly interrupted by one of the runners.

‘Commander, request for new Orders.’

‘Of course, summon all Officers not currently deployed on the field for a new briefing.’ With that he is once again gone.

 

\--

 

Another handful of hours and shouting draws me out of the tent.

Samson is being lead through the camp to the prisoner carts, ranting and raving as he goes.

‘The Inquisition has already lost. The Elder one still has a means to his glorious end and will burn any in his way!’

I see Cullen observing this tirade, knowing him as well as I do I’m not surprised when he goes over to confront Samson.

‘He still commands the legions of Darkspawn beneath your feet-‘ CRACK. The sound of Samson’s jaw breaking under the hard punch of Cullen’s still gauntleted fist reverberates throughout the camp.

Silence now accompanies the scene and my quick scan of other observing faces leads me to believe that I can’t be the only person feeling shock at the Commander’s wholly out of character violence. If Cullen were a mage I had no doubt that sparks would be flying from his hands, his seething rage is so visible and barely held in check as he glowers at the now sagging Samson.

‘This isn’t the treatment I expected from you Knight-Captain.’ Samson manages to hiss and huff painfully through his shattered face. ‘You should be thanking me. I gave them purpose when none would, I gave them hero’s deaths instead of being left to rot on the streets as I was made to do.’

 

‘You have said quite enough’ the deadly calm Commander is back. ‘If you persist in this tirade you will be gagged, or your tongue will be removed.’ Cullen turns and begins to walk away from the painfully wheezing man, not hiding the disdain coloring in his parting words.

‘The Inquisitor will judge you when we return. You may no longer believe but if I were you I would spend the journey back trying to beg forgiveness from the Maker, you will find none here.’

 

\--

 

‘Cullen!’ I can’t help but exclaim in shocked but happy surprise when I feel strong metal covered arms encase me from behind. It had been another couple of hours since I had last seen the Commander and it was now well into evening. I had carried on working at my small desk in our tent rather than out by the main command post in the hopes he would be back for dinner, he was not but at least I was now here for his return as he began showering me with affection.

‘Maker I’ve missed you’ he all but sighs and I could feel him nuzzling into my hair, kissing the temple of my head.

‘How are you? I saw you with Samson earlier’ I ask quietly my concern not able to be contained.

‘Angry. Frustrated. Like if I hadn’t been battling for close to four days I would decapitate scores of training dummies.’ He finishes with another sigh and I just lean back into him, letting him draw comfort from me. It was as I had expected, his mind was still not calm, his body still tense and primed for battle despite our victory.

I swivel in my chair and reach up to try and draw him closer. Although the anger I had seen from him earlier had been unusual I wasn’t afraid of the intensity that I could see still lingered in his golden eyes. Instead I felt myself heat up with longing, surely now he would be less distracted and willing to give in to the desires he had held in check during the march.

 

I’m finally so close to him, slipping my eyes closed in anticipation of tasting his lips on my own …but feel cold leather against pressed against them instead. Cullen’s gloved covered fingers are over my mouth and I don’t hide the annoyed huff at his actions, scowling up at him.

I can see the need rolling off him in waves as he moves his fingers from pressing, to ever so lightly brushing my parted lips with his thumb, but just lets out an apologetic grumble. ‘I still have work to do…and I’m not sure I could be gentle with you right now.’ With that he steps away from me and moves to the stack of reports that had gathered on his desk in his absence.

‘Now I’m angry and frustrated’ I think grimly, turning back to my own reports in distracted annoyance.

 

Time begins to pass by so slowly and I’m unsure how long I continue to tiredly work for.

At last I can no longer stifle the yawn that bubbles up from my throat, Cullen does notice and mercifully moves to close the entrance to our shared tent. I waste no time in stripping down to my shift, losing my undergarments and re-braiding my hair for bed, despite being tired there was a small pit of excitement building that I finally will have Cullen’s undivided care. The excitement quickly dissipates when I realize that he hasn’t even looked up from his desk whilst I was changing and a small pang of disappointment washes over me that I still haven’t been able to draw his attention.

I move over to the cursed desk where he is still standing hunched over maps, notes and requisitions. ‘Cullen, are you going to rest?’ I question in what I hope is a suggestive tone.

‘No, there’s still much to be done regarding the return march.’ Even at this late hour I can see that he is still angry following his brief encounter with Samson so I don’t hold his somewhat cold dismissal of my request against him.

‘Are you sure it can’t wait? You have done more than enough today.’ I move to lightly touch his arm but he steps away, rounding his desk to his chair.

Instead of answering me I see him take off his gloves, falling heavily into the nearby seat and draw some blank parchment. This time I do bristle at his refusal to even answer me and so cross my arms and send him an expectant glare.

After a minute or so he realizes that I am still standing, still waiting for an answer and he at least has the decency to apologize. Stopping to rub the back of his neck he begins ‘Maker, I’m sorry Thea. There is still a lot to do. I promise I’ll retire soon but you should go ahead and rest.’

I just nod at his words, a mixture of annoyance at him and feeling foolishly hormonal coloring my mood as I tuck myself into the cold bed.

 

* * *

 

 

I wake up some time later, the candles are still lit in the tent and from the light of them I can see that I am alone in the sleeping furs. Pushing myself up I see that Cullen is still at his desk and wearing his armor, he has his back to me and writing furiously. He lets out a tired sigh and rubs his forehead in exasperation before dropping his quill and shaking out his cramped hand. 

Any annoyance I had felt at being kept waiting dissipates as I can see just how stressed and how affected this battle has left him. Determined to draw him away from his work in the hopes that he will get even a few hours rest I formulate a quick plan.

 

I get up from the bed and silently saunter over to where Cullen is still working.

‘Come to bed love’ I say in breathy tone whispering into his ear while slinking my arms around his broad shoulders.

‘Thea I can’t, I need to make arrangements for Samson’s relocation. He is weakened but will still require... What are you doing?’ I finally catch his attention as I move one of my hands up into his hair, nails raking over his scalp while nibbling and kissing what I can reach of his strong jaw line.

‘Distracting you’ I say without remorse, continuing my attentions whilst allowing my other hand to trail over his arms, the tops of his thighs, anywhere not covered in metal.

‘Dammit Thea, I can’t’ and he pulls my hand from his thigh, standing up at the same time whilst turning to face me. I don’t try to hide the sultry smirk on my face as I step as close to him as I’m able, returning one of my hands to his hair while the other I allow to trail, slowly, seductively down his body to begin teasing the hardening bulge I find.

He closes his eyes at my ministrations and I continue my teasing, kissing at his exposed neck and flicking my tongue out over his scarred lip.

‘Cullen, I want you. Please love.’ I emphasize my point by gently tugging on his lower lip. He moans at my action but instead of submitting, and returning my kiss as I would expect he opens his eyes and they have a defiance in them.

 

‘Maker’s Breath no, not until I’ve finished my work.’ He pushes me back a step by my shoulders but doesn’t release them immediately, taking a moment to study my flushed face and what he can see of my erect nipples under the thin shift I am wearing. I know with his hungry assessment and dilating pupils that I have won. A small groan escapes his lips and he turns himself away, back to the work on his desk but I don’t let him have a moments reprieve. Instead I slide myself in-between where he is standing and the hard edge of his desk, my back to his armored chest. Once I can feel my barely covered ass brush his restrained erection I tilt my hips backwards, shamelessly grinding against him once, twice before he finally snaps ‘Woman’ he growls out a warning and I turn my head to meet his furious but aroused gaze.

I bite my lower lip and remember how he had said earlier that he wouldn’t be able to be gentle with me. The thought was thrilling and so I continued to bait the Lion asking innocently ‘should I stop Commander?’ rolling my hips again to emphasize the point. He slams his arms down either side of my frame on the desk, blocking any escape I might have made but allows me to continue the tantalizing roll of my hips against his now fully erect, but still fully clothed member. His breathing becomes ragged and he finally responds with a strong thrust of his own hips. I let out a gentle ‘oh’ of approval at his actions and allow my ass to grind more deeply against him to further increase the delicious friction.

 

‘Demon’ is all he manages to whisper out before pushing me down firmly so that my hands are splayed across the table, my body at a right angle and core exposed and dripping for him.

He leans over me while I can feel him hastily begin to loosen the ties on his trousers.

‘This is what you want hmm love?’ He snarls into my ear and I moan in response, he uses his free hand to massage my ass firmly. ‘To distract me from my work?’ He growls and moves his hand to begin trailing my slick all over my folds. ‘To draw me away from my desk?’

‘Yes’ I plead as I feel his hard cock replace his fingers, stroking and coating the two of us in my arousal. I can’t help but rock back into him, unashamed at my shameless wanton begging.

 

‘No’ I whine at his refusal even as I feel him line himself up with my entrance, gripping firmly on to my hips. ‘I’m going to fuck you on it instead’ and with that he sharply thrusts, pushing through my folds and tight muscle in one swift movement. I keen and buck at his action but as I’m pinned by his strong hands on my hips I’m unable to pull away from the forceful intrusion.

I’m given no time to adjust to the searing heat of him as within a heartbeat he is setting a brutal pace. This is no tender love making but raw primal fucking, he is taking what he needs and I’m ashamed at how much I am enjoying the brutality of it. I try to push up off the table but he pushes me back down with a growl and I decide to surrender, willing my body to relax into his frustrated, rapid penetrations. I grip the far edge of the desk for support, it enables me to rock back slightly with each thrust, my own agonizing need matching his. God I wanted this, was ignoring the protest in my back at the repeated strike of his armor and instead was reveling in this hard passion, pleasure overriding any pain.

 

My face is sideways on his desk and I allow my eyes to open to study the Commander behind me a feral, animalistic look in his eye as grunts with each surge forwards. He is un-repentantly staring at the place we are joined, delighting in the look of his thick cock sliding in and out of my willing cunt and I can’t help but cry out at the sight of him so enraptured by his dominance of me. He isn’t even touching me, not trying to pleasure me but I already feel my walls beginning to flutter around his long shaft, the gasps of bliss that escape from my throat at each hard thrust increasing in their volume.

‘Ah, Fuck Thea, do you have any idea how good you look being taken like this?’ His breathy voice is deeply affected.

I moan in response to his erotic words, the building pressure leaving me insensible to everything but the powerful man behind me, feeling the frantic energy pouring through us both.

He finally relents part of the hold on my hips, moving his hand to loosely grab my braid and gently pulling, coaxing me into a sinuous curve upwards. Once my arms are finally placed on the desk in front of me I am able to bow my back further, arching in to him as he leans forward, tilting my neck so that he can finally claim my lips in a bruising kiss.

He simultaneously begins to fuck me with longer more demanding strokes, withdrawing completely before re-impaling me on his cock with a desperate fury. That, with the swirl of our tongues and the dominant way he bites at my lower lip send me over the edge into the white heat of my orgasm.

‘Cullen, ah-‘ I begin to cry but he captures my mouth again, silencing my screams of pleasure. He too begins to moan in ecstasy as his frantic pace begins to falter. Hardening and swelling with those few final desperate thrusts. He groans and stills his movements when he is at the deepest point inside of me, coating my channel in his hot seed.

 

Not adjusting our position we continue our kiss, slowly, tenderly while we both come back down from our orgasmic highs.

‘Now will you come to bed?’ I mumble into his lips.

‘Hmm’ Cullen responds thoughtfully ‘If this is the reward I get for making you wait I may be inclined to try your patience more in the future.’

I let out an annoyed huff and immediately right myself, pushing away from him and the desk.

‘Thea, I’m kidding’ Cullen says catching me around the waist and pulling me back into his chest. I let out a small hiss of pain at the movement ‘What-‘

‘Your armor. I think I will have a bruised ass tomorrow.’ I answer his unfinished question and Cullen let’s go of me, rubbing the back of his neck in apology.

‘I’m sorry, I was too rough.’

I shake my head ‘You were perfect, your armor however is a rusty pain in my backside!’

He laughs at my complaint before giving me another quick peck. ‘I’m still sorry, let me get out of all this metal and then I’ll join you in bed.’

‘Do you promise this time?’ I say whilst theatrically pouting.

‘I promise, I may even kiss your delectable backside better to apologize if you’ll allow?’ He gives me that sultry smirk and I can’t control the resulting flush which colors my cheeks.

I excitedly skip back over to the bed, sprawling on my front whilst Cullen finishes undressing.

‘Hurry up love, my ass is waiting!’ I impatiently protest after as little as ten seconds.

I feel the mattress dip behind me and allow a girlish squeal of delight into the pillow as Cullen spends the next hour of the night thoroughly ‘apologizing.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because would it even be a Cullen fic without an obligatory smutty desk scene?  
> *takes a bow*


	25. Through the Flowers

**Thea POV**

 

We return to Skyhold to a very stressed looking castle Superintendent. Despite expecting the Inquisitor to greet us we found that our two week return was not quite fast enough and Ellana had already head back out.

To say Josephine was beside herself was an understatement as Leliana had also received word during our return journey which indicated that a very secretive, but nevertheless very Royal visit was due next week.

‘Where exactly did the Inquisitor say she was going?’ Josephine asks the flustered man.

‘t-to the Dwarves milady, she didn’t tell me why but she has left instructions in the War Room. A thousand apologies but I could not detain her.’

I was almost as equally surprised as the other Advisors, if she had made the descent now then she had yet to recruit her Dragon ally. But what could have driven her to be so unfocused at such a time.

My question is answered as I see a somber looking Solas walk past us and nod his head in a small greeting.

‘Well, shit’ I mutter, Cullen overhearing me and giving me a questioning look. I had hoped to be there for Ellana when Solas decided to end their relationship so was genuinely upset at not being able to support my friend after yet another loss.

I tell Cullen not to worry and move to assist Josephine who is already shouting orders to nearby runners to begin preparations for the arrival of Fereldan’s monarchs.

 

\--

 

At the Advisor Council the next day we are all somewhat unusually waiting for Leliana to arrive. The reason for her delay becomes apparent when Josephine let’s out a somewhat strangled gasp.

‘Majesties!’ she exclaims before dropping into a low curtsy in front of the two hooded guests who accompany Leliana into the room. I see Cullen give a quick bow and remembering my manners also quickly curtsy as Alistair Therin and Elissa Cousland-Therin remove their cloaks.

For a time I can’t speak, instead wrapped up in a bubble of hero worship as an initial exchange takes place between the other Advisors.

‘..and Cullen. It’s good to see you again old friend, perhaps if we get the chance later we could spar like we did back in training, none of the noble Lords ever hold a candle to a fully trained Templar.’

‘It would be an honor your Highness’ I hear Cullen agree to the Kings request.

‘Forgive the lack of welcome we were not expecting you for another few days at least.’ Josephine starts, clearly sill somewhat rattled by the sudden appearance.

‘It’s ok Josie, as far as anyone else is concerned they are still travelling with the caravan from Fereldan. I asked them here early in order to maintain secrecy.’ She gives me a small smile at her last words and I offer a kindly one back.

 

‘Yes and we have to thank you for agreeing to meet with us Mistress Amalthea’ Alistair says with a charming smile. His easy going nature apparent even when addressing me, a complete stranger who may or may not be able to save him from premature death.

‘O-of course’

I manage to stammer out in response, my attention quickly turned to the beautiful blonde queen who begins to speak. ‘I have to admit when I received Leliana’s letter I didn’t know if this was some ploy by her and Alistair to get me to return early, but if what she has said is true then you may have saved me decades of searching.’

‘If I may, what exactly have you been told?’ I hesitantly ask.

‘That you have in your possession a potential cure for the taint.’ I nod and silently thank Leliana for not over promising at least.

 

‘Over a year ago now I was captured by the Grey Wardens and held at Adamant for a time’ I begin a quick recount of what had happened to me while captured, exactly what Erimond had said and what I had witnessed with the Darkspawn. ‘But they never tested the curative properties of my blood on any of the Wardens, I was to be their salvation after they had slayed the final sleeping Archdemon.’

‘Fascinating’ Alistair mumbled.

‘And what of your family, do they possess this innate ability also?’ The Hero asks, so Leliana hadn’t told them of my otherworldly origins. It was another relief to not have to lie directly to the King and Queen especially as i admired them so.

‘I’m sorry your Highness, I have no surviving family members.’ A look of sympathy crosses her face.

‘It is no matter, let’s try this shall we.’ She says nodding to Alistair, a brief look of distress on his face.

‘Your Majesty, are you absolutely sure. I don’t know what will happen, is there no other way we can test the safety first?’ I remind the Hero, partially for her sake, partially because if something fatal were to happen I didn’t want to be tried for regicide.

‘Gracious no, if I spent time ensuring the safety of everything I did before doing it there is a good chance the last Blight would still be ongoing. The King and I have already discussed this, I will go first.’ She replies with absolute determination, asking Josephine to fetch some water.

 

‘You don’t have to do this.’ Cullen quietly says for my ears only, the same uncertainty I feel reflected in his eyes. ‘I know, but I want to. If we were in their position, I would take a risk for you.’ He kisses my hand at my response, leading me over to the table with the newly filled goblet of water and a small but sharp looking dagger.

I take a deep breath and feel Cullen stand behind me, rubbing my back soothingly while I reach for the dagger. Willing as much control as possible I use the very tip of the razor sharp blade to make a tiny nick on the tip of my index finger. It is barely more than a paper cut but I squeeze and allow a handful of drops to fall into the waiting water.

I pinch my finger and thumb together to stop the bleeding while the King reaches for the goblet.

‘Are you sure?’ he asks while handing the potential cure to his wife.

‘If it has the chance of saving you then I’m always sure.’ Elissa replies lovingly. I then see her steel herself, before raising the goblet shakily to her lips and taking two large gulps.

Nothing happens.

‘Elissa?’

‘Majesty?’

 

‘Shh!’ Elissa commands, tilting her head slightly to side as if craning to hear, her eyes welling up simultaneously.

‘It’s silent’ she eventually whispers to Alistair. A smile of disbelief on the Kings face, changing to one of joy as he sweeps up the Queen in his arms, giving a celebratory ‘whoop’ as he goes.

 

* * *

 

I let out a shaky breath as soon as we have left the chamber. I was relieved, more than relieved at the outcome of our meeting. Although that small gnawing pit of unease had surfaced once again at the demonstration of my ‘unnatural’ nature.

‘Are you ok?’ Cullen seems to pick up on my quiet mood.

‘That was just a lot. Do you think we could we go for a ride, I feel like I need some air?’

‘Yes, that was trying for my nerves also.' He rubs the back of his neck to ease the remaining tension 'Let’s go get our horses.’

 

We leave Skyhold within twenty minutes. After crossing over the stone bridge instead of following the main track to begin a descent through the mountains we instead keep to our right, looping around till we eventually find a small grassy meadow.

We tie our horses to a nearby tree and head a little way into the meadow itself, holding hands while we idly walk. A small moss covered rock sits at the heart of the sea of color and we meander towards it, I pick a few flowers as I go, planning on making a chain for my mare on our return journey.

In the distance we can hear the whooshing of the nearby waterfall which runs by Skyhold reminding us just how close we still are to the dominating castle and the commitments of the Inquisition. Within the meadow itself however all is peaceful, we sit on the small rock outcrop and letting out simultaneous sighs allowing that peace to wash over us.

 

‘I know we have only just got back, but already I’m be glad to be outside of those walls.’ I eventually say, breaking our companionable silence.

‘I thought you would be glad to be back?’

I open my eyes a fraction to look at him sideways, offering him a coy smile. ‘I am, but living in a fortified castle surrounded by a military encampment isn’t my idea of home and it’s not exactly relaxing.’

He places one of his hands over mine on the rock, brushing his thumb in an innocent but soothing gesture. ‘And what is your idea?’

‘I always thought somewhere in the countryside but not too far from a town or city. What about you?’

‘Similar I suppose, one day I’d like to see my family again, maybe settle near them. Would…would you want to be close to family?’

‘You know I’ve got none left Cullen’ I shake my head at his forgetfulness and I almost miss the whispered ‘you could have’ of his response.

 

He takes hold of our joined hand and pulls so I’m turned toward him in our seated positions, his other hand he brings up to my face and lightly rubs my cheek.

‘Marry me?’

I shocked exhale forces its way out of my throat, my lips parting in surprise. At my expression Cullen releases my face but keeps his intense amber gaze on my own frozen one.

‘It’s all I’ve been able to think about for months now. I’ve kept postponing, wanting to wait till this was all over but I can’t wait any longer, I love you and I want you to be my wife.’ He doesn’t return his hand to my face instead adding it to the hold he has over our joined hands, squeezing to try and elicit any kind of response from me.

‘C-Cullen, what if I leave? I wouldn’t want you to be a considered a widower…’ I feel my eyes welling up at the very thought of him being alone.

‘I don’t care.’ He replies in gentle resignation ‘Even if you decide to leave, you must know that there would never be another for me. That is why I want to commit to you now, while I still have the chance.’

‘I-I’ am still not able to form coherent sentences. Warring emotions are battling in my mind, joy, fear and indecision.

‘I know it’s sudden, and I can’t offer you the luxuries you must be used to. But I swear I will spend my every breath loving you, and treasuring you… Maker I wish I was better at this sort of thing.’ With that he finally drops my hand rubbing his forehead in frustration.

 

‘Say yes, say yes, say yes’ my heart is screaming at me.

But despite his assurances that he didn’t care I knew that _I_ couldn’t marry him and then leave.  I stand abruptly, Cullen looking up with hurt confusion at my lack of response. The want, the need is pouring off him and I see him begin to formulate a plea on his lips.

Slipping my eyes shut, tears now escaping from the sides I try to ignore the look of heartbreak on my loves face.

‘I- forgive me.’ I cry as I jump from our perch and sprint back out of the meadow.

I allow myself one glance back to where we were seated but see that Cullen isn’t following, he is hunched over, face in hands and I allow myself to sob at the sight of him so dejected before mounting my mare, and running.

 

* * *

 

‘You said he was worth the risk so why haven't you said yes. He wants to marry me, and you ran away!’ I scold myself miserably on my gallop back to Skyhold, I slow down as I approach the drawbridge not wanting to cause alarm but anyone who took the time to look at my tear streaked face would know something was amiss.

‘Why don’t I just stay?’ I whisper to my mare as I hand her back to the stable hands, she snorts in agreement before being led away. It was after all what I had planned to do, before I was scared, before I was revealed to be something else.

I knew Corypheus wouldn’t succeed but that was almost the limit of ‘in game’ knowledge and had to admit that I had a fear of the pending unknown. Solas certainly had plans, would I die if the Veil came down with my aversion to magic?

 

I wanted and needed to speak to Dorian, to see if my return was even feasible but as he was somewhere deep under the Frostbacks with Ellana that wouldn’t be possible for some time.

Instead I found myself hiding in the small ivy covered gazebo in the Skyhold garden. I was there for hours, hugging myself as tightly as possible and not having the faintest idea of what I was going to say to Cullen, assuming he could still stand the sight of me.

‘Oh it’s you’ I hear a small but confident voice cutting my train of thought. I glance up quickly, wiping my eyes.

‘I’m sorry, Is this where you usually sit, I didn’t mean to disturb…’ I look up into a somewhat familiar face. ‘You are Kieran yes, Morrigan’s son?’

He nods and offers me a small smile ‘Yes, very pleased to meet you at last. Grandmother will be so happy you’ve made it back.’

‘Who –‘ I begin to ask but am interrupted.

‘Kieran, you aren’t bothering the Lady are you?’ Morrigan says as she sweeps into the garden.

‘No Mother’ Kieran replies politely, still smiling at me.

‘Very well but it is time for your studies, come along now.’ She touches Kierans back gently, coaxing him to move away, offering me a look of disinterest.

 

‘Kieran’s Grandmother…’ I feel as if I have stopped breathing when I realize that he was not referring to Fiona. ‘Mythal?’ I stagger to my feet and go to seek out the one person who must have answers.

 

\--

 

‘Solas!’

‘Falon please. I’ve already had enough of Ellana’s friends accosting me before they departed, what happened between the Inquisitor and I is private-‘

‘Oh my God shut up, this isn’t about you...Sorry, that was rude but I need to talk to you now!’

‘I – I see. I’m assuming you need privacy?’ He correctly guesses, noting my panicked demeanor.

‘Yes please, could you…’ I gesture to the room and he thankfully catches my meaning. Casting a small silence spell over the two of us.

 

‘Let me start by saying I am no threat to you.’ Solas looks puzzled at my assertion.

‘I’ve said I won’t interfere and I stand by my decision however I need to know if the Veil comes down, what will happen to me?’

‘I’m sure Corypheus won’t succeed if that is your concern.’ He deflects.

‘I’m not talking about Corypheus. If the Veil ever is brought down What.Will.Happen.To.Me?’ I say slowly, emphasizing each word without revealing exactly what I knew.

‘I’m not sure what you are implying?’ He deflects again.

I huff in annoyance, anger flares in my eyes at my response ‘Solas, you don’t need to lie or conceal. Mythal is apparently delighted that ‘I’m back’ now why would that be the case?’

 

At that he finally shows some emotion narrowing his eyes slightly, shock and some suspicion crossing his gaze. For a moment the taciturn elf says nothing but he slowly takes in my desperate expression, the way my hands are bunched in front of me almost as if pleading.

Sympathy is the look which his features finally settle on and with a small sigh he begins.

‘I told you once of the story of Andruil and the Unicorns’ I seat myself on the stone rotunda floor, nodding that I remembered and encouraging him to continue.

 

‘It is no myth…

They weren’t horses, they were sentient beings and the dominant species of all the ancient creatures that had lived in Thedas since even before the Elves. They acted as a balance to the world, keeping the forces of magic in harmony. But the Evanuris craved more power they came to understand that the Unicorns were innately preventing them from realizing their potential, so in order to shift that balance they began to slaughter them.

Only Mythal saw that these actions would eventually lead to ruin and so she saved the Last Unicorn sending it beyond anyone’s reach to a land where there is no magic to what I presume is your Earth.

I know not what happened to it then, but some small spark, the grace of the creature must have passed on to an ancestor of yours. Human’s aren’t native to Thedas… and I wonder now if the arrival of your kind, whoever was behind it, was a drive to return the rightful balance to our land.’ Solas finishes his tale and I see his mind begin to wonder as if he himself is considering the implications of my ‘return’.

 

I remember the conversation we had after Adamant, his evasion when I questioned why someone from Earth would be linked to Thedas, now it seems I had an answer.

‘I’m Human…so what does that mean for my future existence, with the Veil?’

‘As I said before, despite being wholly human you possess the gifts of a being from the very dawn of our world. If the magic were to return you would be entirely unaffected, incorruptible, in short you would be safe.’

I close my eyes and exhale with the breath I didn’t know I was holding.

 

‘Thank you’ I feel myself sag with relief. I’d be safe. I’d be safe and with Cullen I’d be happy. I had my answer and my heart was doing somersaults in my chest. I stand upright, frantic energy now driving me to seek out Cullen and so head towards the door.

 

‘Actually, just one more question. Was Mythal right, did the loss of the Unicorns lead to ruin?’ I ask with genuine curiosity.

Solas offers a small smile in what I assume is approval ‘The Evanuris grew powerful, need I say more?’  I shake my head but give him a look of understanding. Their great power lead to slavery which in turn caused their eventual ruin by the very man standing in front of me.

 

‘I thought not. You seem to know much more than you have lead us to believe Amalthea.’

‘I’m not a threat to you Solas.’ I say quickly and earnestly, trying to reassure that I would not interfere in his plans.

‘I wasn’t implying you were but I am curious. You seem to possess wisdom beyond your years, beyond your time and I think there is perhaps much I could learn from you. So tell me is there anything you could reveal regarding future events?’ I was surprised at his request, it was not quite the ‘know-it-all’ attitude I had come to expect from Solas, perhaps there was some insecurity within him which he had previously hidden.

I am thoughtful for a few moments. I wouldn’t try to deter him, confident that if anyone would succeed Ellana would. But if she could not then I knew, with absolute certainty that his plan wouldn’t come to fruition, or even if it did it would not be in the manner he was expecting. After all like his peers before him great power would eventually be misused and that would be the cause his own ruin.

 

‘Pride always comes before a fall.’

I say without malice, knowing the possible meaning of my cryptic words would give him much food for thought. I offer him another nod of thanks before exiting the rotunda towards the tower.

 

* * *

 

I enter the office and notice that the side doors are bolted. Cullen must be resting then.

Quickly ascending the ladder I find him. He has removed his armor, half perched on the edge of the bed with one of his legs tucked under him. He is playing with the flip book I had made for him, the edges now becoming rounded and frayed in places.

 

He looks up at the sound of my arrival ‘Thea, I didn’t know if you would come back’ he says quietly, looking away and standing to put his book back in his dresser. I feel my heart break at the hurt I have caused him and so cross quickly to him, grasping his hand in desperation.

‘Of course I would. I always will and I’m so sorry I left you. I panicked, I still had questions that I needed to figure out and i have done. So please, ask me again?’

He doesn’t make eye contact. ‘No, it was foolish of me to put you in that position. I’m happy you are here but I won’t risk our relationship by asking for more.’

 

I grasp his chin and force him to look at me, pleading with my eyes ‘Please, please ask me again.’

His eyes search mine, no emotion being betrayed in their golden depths.

‘Give me my coin’ he says flatly.

‘What? You’re breaking up with me?’ I ask in disbelief, dropping his hands and tears starting to form in my eyes.

‘Maker no.’ He says immediately, brushing away the tears that had fallen.

‘It’s just, I didn’t receive a favorable answer last time, so I think I need more luck. Give me back my coin, please?’ He asks again with a small smirk on his face, a spark of humor now coloring his gaze.

I give a shaken short laugh as I catch his meaning and remove the coin on its long chain from around my neck, standing up on my tip toes to put it over his head.

 

‘Ok, now close your eyes’

‘Cullen!’ I whine in exasperation.

‘Do it or I won’t ask’ He folds his arms but is still smirking, I let out a grumble of annoyance but finally relent, slipping my eyes closed.

I hear some shifting and rustling from the dresser before Cullen speaks again ‘You can open them now.’

 

My hands fly up to my lips to hold back the cry of joy that almost bursts forth when I open my eyes.

Cullen is down on one knee, his burning-golden gaze locked onto my eyes which are sparkling with tears while he holds out a multi-faceted ring.

‘Thea. Will you marry me?’

‘Yes’

‘Yes?’

‘YES!’ I throw myself into his arms almost knocking him over from his kneeling position. Grasping and kissing whatever I can reach of him, not caring that I am a sobbing mess as he bundles me into his arms, holding me almost painfully against his chest.

 

When I’m finally calm he takes hold of my hand ‘here.’ He says whilst sliding a ring onto my finger and I look at the iridescent band with awe.

‘The smaller stones are Lazurite but I asked Dagna to also add in some of the Veil Quartz we had recently come across in the Frostback Basin. So it’s blue-green, like your eyes.’ He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

I look at the ring, it is beautiful, but it’s not what I want to be looking at right now.

This time I throw myself at his lips and we embrace and kiss with more passion, more love than I had ever thought possible. He is holding me tightly round my waist while I stroke my hands through his hair, along his shoulders not able to hold back the moan which burns in my throat as the passion becomes heated. My fear of losing him changing into a desperate need to love him.

Cullen speaks in our breaks for air ‘I swear I will love you for as long as you stay with me’ a swipe of his tongue ‘and longer still’ a gentle tug at my lower lip.

It dawns on me that he still thinks I’m leaving which explains the urgency of his next question. ‘Should we get married tomorrow or wait till the Inquisitor returns?’

 

This time I put my forehead to his, brushing my fingers through the hair on the back of his head, I gently shake my head.

‘I think we don’t need to rush.’ I pull back and look at him earnestly. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

His look of disbelief must rival my own shock at his earlier proposal ‘You mean?’

‘I’m staying.’ I reassure, giving him a chaste promise of a kiss. I try to pull back again but he holds my lips against his own.

‘Maker’ He whispers as he pushes me down to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Squeals*


	26. Look into the Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello, apologies for the delay, I've been working on the final chapters simultaneously to get the flow right.  
> Plus just a teensy bit of procrastination seeing as we are nearly at the end :(
> 
> Also liberties taken with the 'Doom Upon All the World' timeline as it seems silly to me that you can go off and complete loads of quests and yet still not have your army back.

**Thea POV**

 

When the explosion happens, even though I was expecting it I was still shocked.

Despite the distance the sonic wave which rips through the air draws our attention first. Then we see a surge of pure green magic, Ellana’s Anchor sparking in response to the swirling mushroom cloud of energy.

 

Cullen glances over to me whilst Ellana and the others are distracted and I give him an almost imperceptible nod. ‘Maker’ he still says at the sight, my reassurance alone not enough to give him comfort.

Leliana is the first to compose herself, hardened determination in her eyes. ‘I’ll send birds at once, it looks to be close to the site of the Temple of Sacred Ashes and I have scouts in the area.’ With that she sweeps out of the room.

‘I - I will reassure the visiting Nobles that we are aware.’ Josephine all but stammers out, Ellana catching her before she too can leave the room. ‘It will be ok Josephine, I’ve closed it before and I’ll close it again’ she says with confidence before turning to Cullen and me.

‘Commander?’ She asks hesitantly and I notice that she is more scared then she had let on to the Ambassador.

‘It is good that the Army has had time to return and rest from our battle in the Arbor Wilds. If Corypheus has drawn his remaining forces to that location then we will need to clear a path for you. I’ll begin making preparations at once. Inquisitor’ he offers a curt bow before striding from the room, a calm but calculating grimace on his face.

 

Ellana lets out a huge sigh as soon as we are alone ‘shit, he is going to kick my arse.’

I give a small huff of disbelief ‘No, you’ve got this. You are so much stronger now since Haven and Corypheus is weakened and desperate.’ I try to reassure my friend.

She just shakes her head, rubbing her face in agitation ‘It’s his desperation I’m worried about. Not to mention I’m still terrified of that Dragon…Creators that thing is the stuff of nightmares. I still have recurring dreams about falling at Adamant but instead of landing in the fade I end up a stain on the fortress floor.’

I move over to her and take her hands in a firm grip, trying to imbue her with determination. ‘Ellana this isn’t like you.’

‘I know but since Solas-‘ I cut her off.

‘Solas is not your only companion and you were strong before you even met him. We all love you and we’d follow you till the edge of Thedas…’ She still doesn’t look confident in her abilities so I try a different tactic. ‘Why don’t you use your Daggers?’

‘You mean, my Grandfathers?’

‘Yes! This war claimed the lives of your Clan, end it now in their honor. ’

‘It would be a great honor for them’ she looks up at me with hope and a small smile. ‘And for all Elves.’

‘Exactly. When Varric turns this nonsense into a book in the same way his story about Hawke shed the light on Mage abuses, your story could lead to real change to the rights of Elves.’

A large grin spreads across her features at the picture I have painted in her mind, renewed determination in her eyes as she begins to skip out of the War Room.

‘You're right. I’ve got some Daggers to sharpen!’

 

 

\--

 

We reconvene after three hours, Warden Commander Cousland and King Alistair also joining our council having stayed on for a few weeks since their original arrival.

 

‘Leliana what do we know?’ Ellana begins even before the door is closed, secrecy does seem futile in this instance.

‘We have received detailed information from the Scouts in the area. Corypheus and the breach are at the center of his last remaining army, getting you through to him will not be easy.’

‘Who? We have routed his Red Templars, the Venatori are scattered and the Demon-Wardens must only remain a handful in number.’ Cullen questions.

‘The Darkspawn.’

At the mention of those creatures my mind inevitably returns to the only time I had previously encountered the horrors, tuning out the battle preparations. The way that thing shrieked as it was brought closer to me, the stench of its corrupted flesh and lifeless eyes as it was left bound and dead in my prison. ‘Thank goodness it’s the only time I’ve ever seen one despite my travels’ I think internally.

 

_‘This will be no controlled battle like in the Wilds. The Darkspawn will not form an orderly front line in which we can focus. We will need to pour men at this in order to carve a path through for the strike team.’_

 

The battle planning conversation continues around me while I continue to muse. It did seem unusual that I hadn’t I encountered anymore. I understood they were a frequent enough sight on an evening and the reports I had been privy to had shown a number of skirmishes in almost every region.

 

_‘Could we send for the Orlesian Warden’s?’_

_‘They will be at Weisshaupt by now.’_

_‘What about your new Fereldan recruits Warden Commander?’_

_‘While I had been searching for the cure all the local recruits were sent to report in to Clarel…’_

 

Why hadn’t I seen any more Darkspawn?

 

 _‘There will not be enough time, we will have to be prepared for heavy casualties and hope the majority of the horde scatter as soon as Corypheus is defeated.’_ I tune back into the conversation at Cullen’s uneasy realization… just as I have a revelation of my own.

 

‘No. I can go with the team. We don’t need to throw away lives, I’ll be able to get the strike team though’ I say with a sudden clarity. More than a few skeptical looks are thrown my way so I try to explain myself.

‘I was thinking why I haven’t seen any more Darkspawn and it’s because _they_ don’t want to see me.’ Even Ellana looks unconvinced but I continue my explanation. ‘By cutting off their calling they must have retreated underground as opposed to congregating as the Archdemon or in this case Corypheus summons. Not to mention whatever innate fear they must have because of the risk my blood poses to them.

‘So when Erimond tried to kill you…’ Ellana followed.

‘Yes! That’s why Corypheus needed me dead, his final army is useless to him now.’

‘Hmm, what do you think Commander, will it work?’

 

‘Absolutely not!’ I expected Cullen’s protest and so turn my eyes sadly towards him, trying to help him see my reasoning.

‘Think about it, I didn’t see a single Darkspawn in the Western Approach despite trekking across the desert for a week but apparently there were numerous sightings before I had arrived and they returned after I departed the area.’

‘That could be coincidence.’ He replies, not considering my evidence.

‘Perhaps it is providence.’ Leliana speaks up coming to the defense of my plan. ‘I think Thea is right Commander. During the Arbor Wilds, where were the Darkspawn? Apart from the handful of Wardens which were already bound there were no tainted creatures within miles. We had expected them but as the main force, which included Thea, approached none were sighted or active during the combat.’

‘I don’t care I’m not risking her life!’

I bristle at being left out of the conversation, I was not a pawn and so angrily cut in ‘But you would risk the lives of your Men needlessly?’

‘They signed up for this, they knew they would have to fight.’

‘And I’m telling you they don’t need to this time!’ I plead with my eyes, hoping he will see the rational truth of my argument.

 

He slams his fist angrily on the table ‘You said you didn’t want to be used as a weapon!’ He challenges in exasperation, pinning me in place with his furious gaze.

‘And I’m not being used as a weapon, I’m your Nuclear Deterrent.’ I shake my head knowing they wouldn’t understand that term. ‘They don’t come near me because if they attacked me, or came into contact with my blood then they would die too. It will save lives–‘

 

‘Enough’ Ellana cuts off the circular argument. Drawing my eyes away from Cullen’s ‘Are you sure about this Thea? The Inner Circle will be pre-occupied with Corypheus, we won’t be able to defend you.’

‘They won’t have to’ Elissa speaks up and I see Alistair instantly nod at his wife’s words. She turns to me ‘You have given us back our lives, we’ll escort you in case there are any other threats that need to be handled with more traditional methods.’

‘Your highness.’ I’m taken aback by her suggestion. ‘I- I thank you and far be it from me to argue with Royalty but I don’t think you should be risking yourselves, risking Fereldan-‘

‘Nonsense!’ Alistair chimes in ‘we were Warden’s before we were Monarchs. The Bannorn knows this and as the rulers of Fereldan we have a duty to defend it. I’d much rather be facing a handful of spell-casters or broken Templars than fighting another Archdemon any day.’

‘Then we are agreed. Commander, you will need to follow with the Army in the event this doesn’t work.’

 

Cullen doesn’t answer the Inquisitor, shooting me one last look of anger before storming out of the War Room and I hang my head in sorrow.

‘The Commander will come around. He knows what you are suggesting makes sense.’ Ellana says quietly but it is of little comfort and I skulk out of the meeting as soon as I am able.

 

* * *

 

 

I don’t see Cullen for the rest of the day, knowing he must be down by the military encampment preparing to march, so I ignore the anxious feeling in my gut that we hadn’t yet had the chance to speak. Half of the army was moving ahead this evening to set a wide perimeter, with the remainder of the force following behind the Inquisitor and her team, which now included me, tomorrow morning. He also doesn’t return to the office for dinner and I find I don’t have an appetite, instead I pace our office in restless agitation. When at last the guards sound the bell for midnight I finally start to feel nauseous with worry that I may have done some irrevocable damage to our relationship, so I head out to look for him.

 

Skyhold is eerily quiet at this time of the evening, even the Tavern is closed as most had retired early in preparation for the battle tomorrow. The whistling wind through some of the still drafy towers creating a haunting noise which was doing little to calm my nerves.

‘Is the Commander still down at the encampment?’ I ask the guard by the portcullis, the young lad looked briefly surprised at seeing another soul out at this hour.

‘No Mistress, he returned several hours ago.’ I thank him and begin a quick lap of all his usual haunts in Skyhold, he isn’t in the Library, War Room or down by the Forge.

I’m making my way back towards the sparring ring when I hear a quiet prayer coming from the small chapel in the garden. ‘Finally’ I think to myself as I move to stand in the doorway, listening to the familiar voice for a while.

 

_For there is no Darkness in the Makers Light and nothing he has wrought shall be lost._

 

I speak when I think he must have finished. ‘I’m glad I found you, I wanted to apologize for putting you in a difficult position today.’

He stands, turns to look at me but I can still see the pain etched on his face, the worry he is feeling is radiating off him in waves and I curse myself for causing him this much distress. I move over to him, stroking his face with my hand ‘I don’t mean to hurt you with this decision, but you must see it is the right thing to do?’

‘Right.’ He says with disbelief. ‘You agree to stay, to be my wife and yet you are _needlessly_ going to put yourself in harm’s way.’ He forces my hand from his face and begins to pace, I’m surprised at his anger but I know it is coming from a place of hurt and so let him continue to vent.

 

‘How under any circumstances could that ever be right? That the good men and women of Thedas who are willing to fight to defend it should be side-lined, a stranger to our world taking on all the risk herself. That is not right.’

His words sting ‘I’m hardly a stranger anymore-‘

He cuts me off ‘I could understand if you were a warrior, or if you had the anchor. The risk of losing you would then rest in its rightful place, as much as it would hurt it would be my duty to send you into this battle.’

‘Cullen, it will be-‘

‘DON’T! What kind of creature are you that would promise me my hearts desires only to rip them away. You’ve made it impossible for me to keep you safe.’ He turns from me and kneels back down at the base of the statue of Andraste.

‘It would have been better if you had left!’ He says quietly, with a bitterness that I can’t comprehend and I feel as if I have been physically struck.

His rebuke, that it would be better if I was no longer here stung far more than the knife wound Erimond had inflicted on me and I can’t hide the sob which escapes from my throat.

Covering my mouth, tears of shock running down my face I immediately flee.

‘Thea, wait’ I hear him plead but I don’t stop running.

 

* * *

 

 

‘Dorian!’ I hiss at the wooden door I had been gently knocking on for the past five minutes. I didn’t want to wake the entire keep but I was beginning to get desperate.

‘Fasta Vass, unless this is Corypheus himself come to surrender I will not be best pleased!’

I hear sleepy mumbling and shuffling from the room before the door is eventually opened. Dorian is in silky pyjamas, not dissimilar to the Inquisitors and his usually impeccable hair and mustache are fluffy and disheveled from sleep.

His huff of irritation as he opens the door is quickly replaced by a look of concern as he sees my obvious distress and dried tears.

‘Oh, Thea love what’s happened?’

‘Can I come in?’ I whisper.

‘Of course, just one second…’ He quickly sticks his head back behind the door ‘Bull, cover yourself over. Come on in then’ he says more brightly than I would have expected considering it must now be approaching first bell.

I enter the room to find a dozing Bull taking up the majority of the bed, despite his closed eyes I am more than certain that he will be listening to every word. He is Tal-Vashoth however and so am not concerned about revealing anything that may endanger me or the Inquisition. I take a seat on the chaise opposite the bed that Dorian has returned to and perched on the end of.

 

Disregarding pleasantries I jump right in to the purpose of my visit. ‘Do you still have Alexius’ amulet and if so do you think you could recreate his spell to send me home now the breach has re-opened?’

Dorian’s shock is apparent. ‘What has brought this on all of a sudden? I understood you and your Templar had come to a sickeningly romantic agreement.’ He fishes for information and I see no point in hiding it from him.

‘We had a fight and he has made it clear that my return to Earth would be preferable.’ I say coldly, knowing that if I open up more than this that my tears could quickly resurface.

‘Is this regarding the rather curious battle plan that has been proposed?’ I nod.

‘Well, whilst I think you should speak to him again once he has gotten over the shock of you trying singlehandedly to thwart an army of the Blight…’ He arches a brow in exasperation but I don’t change the expression on my face. Sighing he continues ‘Yes I believe I can recreate the spell whilst the breach remains open.’   

I ignore his questioning glance and continue with cold logistics. ‘Thank you, I need to stay close to the main army so the Darkspawn don’t overrun them. Do you need to be close to the amulet in order for the spell to work? I know you will be in the fray of Battle with Ellana.’

Dorian strokes his mustache in thought ‘Hmm, no I suppose I could recite the incantation from any distance really. But you would have to be ready to step through the portal when it forms, and I don’t think I need to tell you how inherently risky this will be. The spell Alexius used obviously went wrong somewhere down the line as you arrived too late for his purposes.’ He stops his stroking to fix me with a deeply concerned look. ‘Thea, as your friend I advise you to think very hard before you begin jumping through portals.’

 

I offer him a small but genuine smile, I did have so many good friends here and it was going to be so hard to lose them all. I clamp down on my rising emotions ‘I will try Dorian, but please don’t tell Cullen about this. I don’t want him to be distracted tomorrow.’

His exasperation is evident in his responding tone ‘Very well _I_ won’t, but I do hope you try to speak to your dashing Knight before you go through with this.’

I give an unconvincing nod ‘One last thing, can I sleep in here tonight?’

‘Of course’ he says, grabbing a spare blanket from one of his drawers whilst I snuggle down onto the pillows of the chaise ‘But be warned Bull snores.’

I allow a small huff of amusement before trying to calm my nerves.

Pushing all thoughts of my planned happily ever after from my mind and try to come to terms with my new reality.

 

Tomorrow I would be going home.


	27. Through the Clouds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace Yourselves

**Thea POV**

I rise surprisingly early the next day. I’m not at all rested and am feeling waves of nausea and anxiety wash over me whilst I consider my plan. I tell myself that I am not hiding from Cullen by hanging about in Dorian's room till I am confident he would have left the tower, if he even returned to it during the night.

Before I leave I take hold of the one thing Dorian had left out for me, an eerily familiar amulet, cuboid in shape with the same pink-purple stone that had originally attracted me to it. I sensed no magic from it as I tossed the thing over in my hands, hesitating for a moment before slipping the chain over my neck and leaving the room.

When I return myself I see that the tower is indeed empty and I can’t decide on whether I am relieved or disappointed so ignoring my internal conflict I climb the ladder to retrieve what I had in mind.

 

‘Oh’ I let out a small noise of surprise when I see what appears to be waiting for me in the loft.

Next to Cullen’s familiar but empty armor stand is a new smaller one currently adorned in unfamiliar leather clothing and I move to look at the small note attached to it.

 

_Tell the Commander we need more notice next time. After you are done bring it back we can make improvements and get more enchantments worked in._

_Dagna & Harrit_

 

I re-read the wording on the note several times till I comprehended that the armor was for me and Cullen had at some point yesterday found the time to get it commissioned. Putting the note aside I look over the items on the stand. A hard leather coat, not dissimilar to Battlemage armor makes up the largest piece, sliding that off the stand I see that it covers leather trousers in a similar reinforced leather and a padded Gambeson.

Turning my attention back to the coat I can see a few luminous enchantments worked through the sleeves of the fabric and flipping it over to look at the reverse I can’t help but let out a noise of awed delight when I look at the design worked into the leather itself.

 

A Heraldic crest of a Lion and a Unicorn, stood either side of a shield bearing the Inquisitions symbol. I knew Harrit was a master of leather work but it still must have taken him hours, not only that but it bore an uncanny resemblance to a crest I had once doodled for Cullen while we had been discussing History and Legends, that of the United Kingdom.

I listlessly moved over to the bed, the emotions I had tried to hold back rearing to the forefront of my mind as I felt a stray tear roll down my cheek.

‘What does this mean?’ I whisper to myself whilst stroking and admiring the detail of the Lions mane on the coat, it didn’t take me long for the answer to spring to mind. My safety was of a greater concern to Cullen than either of our happiness. Although the gift was decorative its function was to protect and the addition of the Crest, could be called romantic, but his cold words from yesterday that I was a ‘stranger to Thedas’ still stung my mind.

Was the crest somehow his way of telling me that I needed to ‘go home?’ I couldn’t think how else to interpret the gift, he himself had left me no note or letter and unless he could tell me otherwise I would proceed as I had planned.

I miserably pulled on my new armor and take a moment to study my reflection in the mirror, it fit perfectly of course, I looked like I belonged and I felt like I belonged. Based on my last conversation with Solas I knew that I had just as much right to be here as any other Human and so my decision to defend Thedas today was still the correct one in my mind. But Cullen, would he ever be happy with my being in danger, if not from this war then the risk of future wars, the Grey Wardens even bandits.

My breath hitches slightly when I look at the two chains around my neck the Amulet and Cullen’s coin do not sit well together. With shaking hands I lift the chain with the coin attached up and off my head.

‘You’re hurting, why?’ I hear Cole's voice from the far side of the room but I just stare unblinking at the coin in my hands.

‘Because Cole, I don’t want Cullen to be hurt, but my being here will do just that.’

‘But you make him happy’

I let out a small whimper of misery while a few more tears roll down my cheeks. I close my fist and grasp the coin in a painful grip ‘and he makes me happy, but I also make him worry. I don’t want him to spend his whole life worrying and so I have to go.’

‘I-I don’t understand, the armor it was supposed to make you see.’

I didn’t know how I could explain my reasoning to Cole, perhaps if the Inquisitor had chosen to make him more like a human he would have understood. I lift the coin to my face, pressing a kiss against it before turning to my Spirit friend. The clawing uncertainty from earlier settling into unrestrained misery as my reasoning to Cole just reinforces the awful prospect now facing me.

‘It did, it’s the symbol of my old home, or at least very similar. Could you, please give this to him?’

I hold the coin out for Cole to take, but he just stares at it dangling from the chain in my hand, his pale blue eyes trying to understand the significance. After a drawn out moment he takes the coin, nods and then vanishes. My tears subside as I remember that I do have a duty to the Inquisition today.

 

Looking again at my reflection I finally remember why I came to the tower in the first place and begin to dig through my clothes chest, rummaging around till I find the bundle wrapped right at the bottom. I ditch my hard worn leather boots for my entirely impractical but completely personal sparkly pink hi-top sneakers.

It may look ridiculous with my new armor but unlike a couple of years ago I no longer cared what any others thought of my appearance.  Embracing my differences with a new found confidence I march out of our shared tower for the last time.

 

* * *

 

 

The ride to Haven is much quicker than our first long trek through the mountains, the Inquisition having made many improvements to the roads in the area but is still well past midnight when we arrive. I had looked for Cullen during the journey but he must have been ahead with the waiting army and so instead ride along with the other members of the Inner Circle and the King and Queen of Fereldan. Dorian kept throwing me concerned questioning looks but I would quickly drop my eyes to try and ignore the feelings that resurfaced.

When we reached the front lines the Commander had a quick conference with the Inquisitor regarding the battle plans and what was to happen in the event they should fail. Both he and Ellana looked confident however and I could see the nearby soldiers pick up on this as a ripple of positive morale swept through the Inquisition.

Cullen approached the Inner Circle where I too was standing and his eyes softened and he offered me a small smile as he looked at my armor, seemingly relieved.

‘You’ll be safe?’ he asks, aware that we have an audience and perhaps unwilling to say more.

‘Always’ I manage to reply, feeling a lead weight in my heart that this is the only farewell I will get. Perhaps it was for the best, I didn’t think that my courage would last if he were to tell me he loved me or if he were to hug me that I’d ever be able to let him go. Cullen gives a questioning look to the amulet around my neck and then notices my choice of footwear. He seems confused and that surprises me so I jump on that glimmer of hope and quickly move to question him, to ask if he is sure that this is what he wants.

‘Cullen-‘

‘Commander, Orders Sir?’

‘Yes, yes of course’ he stammers to the scout, shooting my unusual accessories one last concerned glance before turning and heading back to the front line.

 

The Inquisitor approaches us all a moment after Cullen has departed and it takes all my focus to try and draw my eyes away from his retreating form. Every fiber of my being screaming at me to go after him.

 

‘You’re wearing your shoes!’ I hear Ellana’s words cut through my internal conflict and I force a fake smile to my face.

‘And you’re using your daggers. I’m so glad, I really do think this will help all Elves in the years to come, right Varric?’ I hint to our Dwarf friend who even this close to battle is still taking notes

‘Right Moonshine’ he throws us both a grin before stowing his notebook away and un-holstering Bianca.

Ellana grins back and continues. ‘Everyone, According to our scouts the Darkspawn Army is only two miles ahead, we will approach first. If they don’t scatter then Dorian will send up a red signal which will be the army’s indication to move forward to engage.

Bull, you and the Chargers are to wait with the army. If we need to quickly retreat you will come and cover us.’

‘Got you boss.’

‘If all goes well once we reach the perimeter of the site Solas will send up a green signal. That will mean we are progressing as planned. Thea, your Majesties. You will need to wait by the perimeter till we are done with Corypheus.’ I nod in agreement and see the royals follow suit.

 

We ride out at once, within a handful of minutes we are approaching the two mile mark, where the front line should be only to find it is entirely and silently deserted. It is grey, barren, with no signs of life blighted or otherwise as far as any of us can see and I can’t hold back the sigh of relief the escapes from me. Knowing that the army, and by extension Cullen wouldn’t need to fight against such horrific creatures.

‘Fascinating’ Solas mumbles and see the Wardens shoot each other awed glances.

‘I wish we had had you ten years ago.’ I hear Alistair quip.

There are a handful of Red Templars still remaining as we approach the shrine perimeter but these are dispatched from a distance by our mages and the arrows of Sera and Varric.

Once we reach the start of the ascent we all dismount and Ellana motions for Solas to shoot up a green flare.

 

I move over to where the Inquisitor is staring at the breach and offer her a quick hug.

‘You’ve got this.’ I tell her and she nods with certainty, ‘I have haven’t I? See you for the after party.’ She half shouts as she starts to walk away towards the shrine, any response I might have made caught in my throat as I remember that I have just given her my final goodbye. Dorian looks at me with an unspoken question and I give him a small resigned nod my face falling and eyes watering as he too heads off towards the shrine with a grimace of disappointment on his face.

‘I’m sure it will be ok’ I hear Ellissa say.

‘I know it will be.’ I reply, but I can find no joy in my certainty.

 

**Cullen POV**

 

When the green signal goes up there is a feeling of quiet cheer which spreads throughout the army and I close my eyes to thank the Maker. It means of course that Thea is safe, I’d wait to hear the official report but if all has worked as she had hoped than she wouldn’t even have needed the new armor I had given her as a precaution. I was so happy when I had seen her wearing the specially designed coat, she deserved so much better but I hoped that it showed that I did in fact support her decision despite the complete fool I had made of myself. Plus she was more artistic than me so it did make sense for her to see the crest before I had more items commissioned with it in case she thought there should be any changes.

Now there was just the giant hole at the center of the swirling green clouds to worry about and I focus on that with the rest of the army standing at my back as I feel a presence approach me.

‘Boss?’ a booming voice cuts through my reflection.

‘Yes Bull. What is it?’

‘Did you get the chance to speak to Thea this morning?’ I frown at his implication but know that he is probably just checking up on his friend.

‘Ah, no, not this morning, she didn’t return to our loft after we had a fight, I said some awful things to her in the War Room and then later in the evening too.’ I trail off while I reflect on my appalling behavior, I didn’t know how that woman continued to love me after some of things I had said to her over the years.

‘Shit, that’s what I thought.’ Bull replies just as we hear and feel a crack of earth. Vibrations shaking below our feet as we see the remnants of the remains of the temple begin to elevate. It momentarily stops my train of thought. Wait thought…

‘Bull, thought what? What has she said, she was wearing the gift I had made for her so I hoped that we could reconcile properly after all this is over?’ I feel worry rising in my chest as Bull shakes his head.

‘Well I hope you’re sure. She stayed in Dorian's room last night, got him to promise not to tell you but said nothing about me. She has a plan to go home, Dorian is going to recreate Alexius’ spell.’

 

I hear nothing after the word home. I feel as if I have just been run through with a sword, my breathing stops and vision all but greys. That was where I had seen the strange amulet before and that was why she was wearing those boots from Earth. Only the gentle shaking of my shoulder brings me back to my senses although I don’t like the message that accompanies it.

‘Please, she is hurting. Won’t you help her?’ I hear Cole’s gentle urging, looking up as I thought he would be by the Inquisitor. I catch his eyes, wide with panic and he forces something into my hand… my coin.

‘Thea’ I cry as I look at my shaking hand, not believing that this could be real, that this is happening.

‘She didn’t understand your sign. There isn’t long.’

‘No, no she can’t.’ I am trying to gather my thoughts, not even registering that the distant roar I hear is that of a Dragon.

Bull rushes back over, having seen enough to have the presence of mind to fetch one of the waiting horses. ‘Give him some space kid.’ He says whilst forcing the reins into my still open palm.

‘Boss, Cullen – Go!’ At last at Bulls urging I form a fist around the coin and the leather not even nodding in thanks as I haul myself up onto the saddle and begin a ferocious gallop out into the no man’s land.

 

 

**Thea POV**

 

_I don’t want to go_

I think in agony as I see the backs of the inner circle disappear over the rising crest.

_I don’t want to leave him_

I cry internally as I see the earth rise up from the shrine site, dust clouds falling down from the rising mass which causes me to cover my eyes.

_God, Maker, Anyone. Can you give me a sign that this is right? Because it doesn’t feel right._

I lament quietly to hide the hurt, my waiting companions not hearing over the noise of the crumbling earth and then the deafening roar of the Red Lyrium Dragon.

_Please any sign, anything._

I whimper into the night, watching the Dragons fighting in the distance till they both fall out of the sky.

I plead _anything…_

 

 

The Amulet around my neck begins to spark and crackle and it shocks me from my depressed stupor.

‘That’s it then, Dorian's spell has worked.’ I think in resignation while quickly throwing the thing a few meters in front of me so the portal which is rapidly sparking into existence has space enough to stabilize. I feel Elissa and Alistair’s eyes on me while I wait, visually I look impassive, but internally I am despairing.

I gulp in air to try and calm my torrent of emotions, eventually giving up on trying to hold back my tears as they start to stream down from my unblinking eyes. I was confident I had bought the Inquisitor and army enough time, even with my sudden disappearance the horde had scattered so far they would not have time to regroup before Corypheus would be defeated.

‘You’ve been keeping secrets from us?’ Alistair says as he and Elissa come to stand next to me.

‘Some’ I manage to say through my choked sobs ‘but it was an honor to meet you both and erm, you should speak to Grand Enchanter Fiona.’ I offer both the Royals a kind smile before my eyes flit back to the oppressing portal another deep breath does little to slow my misery. Elissa moves and gives me a confused hug at my crying and distressed state.

‘What’s going on? What is this?’ She says in confusion whilst stroking my hair.

I shake my head at her question, throwing myself onto her shoulder, permitting myself a few muffled but pitiful wails into her armor, my shoulders shaking into hers as I try to control the heart rending pain I feel.

 _No time_ I think, pulling back from the hug ‘No time’ I say to the two despairing Wardens.

Turning away from them, pulling my shoulders back and giving a few quick breaths to try and stem my rising panic.

‘Please, tell Cullen I’ll always love him.’

 

I start to walk forwards as the portal looms, larger and larger. Brighter and louder till it is blocking out almost all of my other senses and feelings.

I can see nothing of the Thedas sky or surrounding landscape while I stand on the precipice. Only my feet on the ground tell me that I haven’t yet crossed through.

‘NO!’ I hear a shout but can’t tell how close it is, the crackling and hissing from the vortex overtaking it. I slip my eyes closed so I can picture his face instead of the terrifying green. ‘Just one more step’ and I give a strangled exhale as all of the air is suddenly knocked out of my lungs, my feet leaving the floor.

 

 

A jolt and I feel airborne.

 

 

A beat of weightlessness and gravity returns with a hard thud.

 

 

My eyes fly open as I land on my back, I’m no longer seeing brilliant green but am instead looking up at a starry night. I hear a hiss of pain escape my lips, my landing was a lot harder than I remembered it and I start to move but feel that I am pinned by an unexplained weight.

 

‘No, no, no, please don’t go, please don’t leave me. I’m sorry I was cruel but please, please stay.’ I hear muffled words coming from somewhere. Quickly scanning my surroundings I notice a furry mane and some disheveled blonde curls blocking my vision of my lower limbs.

The furry mane, speaks again ‘You were right and I’m an idiot. But if you walk through that portal I’ll have to follow you…’ the plea breaks off into a choked sob.

 

 

‘C-Cul’ I can hardly believe the words I’m hearing, certain it must be my imagination playing the most hurtful of tricks on me. I glance up to the sky full of stars, but there is also a huge green tear, the Breach still open. To my right now several feet away is the crackling portal I must have been inches from stepping through.

At last the pressure on my chest is eased and Cullen’s frantic but still golden stare meets my own watering eyes. I take in his face, his hair ruffled from the wind, his expression that of pitiful resignation.

 

‘You, you wanted me to go home.’ I tell him in anguish.

‘No, no. You are home, you belong with me.’

‘But the armor, with the crest from home, I thought you were trying to tell me-‘

‘It’s ours. I designed it when you agreed to marry me, I thought we could use it to remind you of Earth but, the Lion and the Unicorn, it seemed so fitting…’ he turns his head away. His words trailing off while process this new information.

 

It wasn’t a sign to go home, it was a representation of our shared future and I nearly threw it all away.

‘Cullen!’ I all but scream out as I pull him back down into my arms, clawing at his mantle, his hair anything to reaffirm that I am still with him, that I hadn’t just made the worst mistake in my life.

 

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I love you, I’m sorry.’ He repeats into my ear as a mantra whilst my crying subsides. ‘I love you’ he says again, cupping my face whilst pushing his lips to mine. It’s a desperate, passionate messy kiss, an outpouring of all the fear and loneliness of the past forty eight hours and it is perfect.

 

We are too wrapped up to even notice the Breach above us sparking and growing, or the column of light that flies up from the ground as the would-be God is shredded into a million pieces by being forced into the fade. We feel the earth shudder as the floating debris begins to fall all over the shrine site. The portal still sparking and hissing a few feet away from us fizzling out and the amulet falling to the floor uselessly.

 

‘Oh thank the Maker!’ Alistair exclaims and we abruptly separate, forgetting we even had an audience. I look over to the waiting Royals, Elissa has covered her mouth, tears streaking down her face and Alistair sags in relief.

I turn back to Cullen and him to me. Putting our foreheads together while we continue to calm our raging emotions.

‘Let’s never be idiots again.’ I sigh into our embrace.

‘I couldn’t agree more my Lady’ he replies whilst standing up and offering me a hand.

 

‘Ow!’ I wince with fresh pain as Cullen tries to help me rise.

‘I may have tackled you too hard’ he says guiltily rubbing the back of his neck.

‘I’ll say, I think you’ve broken one of my ribs.’ I whimper whilst I prod my side, feeling the throb ‘Yep, you have’ and I glare angrily at his armor.

‘Maker, ah there are potions back at the front line.’ He says in an endearingly flustered way.

‘No it’s ok, I should be able to manage, plus I want to wait here for Ellana.’

He nods and goes to quickly speak to the King and Queen whilst I focus on healing myself.

 

I slip my eyes closed to feel for my small ember of magic, it is glowing very brightly for a change, probably due to my heightened emotions and I hold on to it. It feels more forceful than usual and I allow it to make quick work of my fractured rib before I spread it out through my body to heal any other bumps and bruises I may have picked up, reveling in its warmth and sensitivity.

 

‘FUCK!’

My sudden exclamation startles the three people who were in polite conversation and who are now looking at me with confused faces.

Cullen moves over to me ‘Thea-‘

‘Shhh!’ I slip my eyes closed again, repeating the flow of magic around my body that I had just completed. I feel myself quake slightly and open my eyes…counting on my fingers, before my hand flies up to cover my mouth, stifling the profanity that was forming.

I give Cullen a panicked look and keeping my mouth closed with one hand use the other to gesture repeatedly to my midsection.

‘Thea what is it? Are you more seriously hurt? Let me get my horse’ he quickly says and begins to walk away but I grab hold of his hand with both of mine and force it to the area around my navel.

 

A second passes, then ten more. He looks from my mute face to where his hand is placed, back to my earnest expression and I give a small nod.

His eyes begin to twinkle, a small grin forms on his face and quickly spreads to possibly the largest smile I had ever seen from him. I jump as he lets out a deafening and uncharacteristic ‘Whoop’ of joy before picking me up and spinning me round. He sets me down and I manage to stay standing through my dizziness while Cullen throws himself at Alistair and a congratulatory man hug is offered.

 

Elissa comes to stand by me and we watch our men behaving like giddy school children till they manage to recompose themselves. Cullen kisses me again before standing beside me to await the return of the Inquisitor and her party.

‘Looks like we will need to get that wedding planned after all.’ I say quietly for his ears only.

 

I feel the gentle squeeze of my hand in response and lean into his shoulder while we watch our friends emerge and pick their way out of the rubble and I see that through the clouds the dawn has come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) you made it!  
> Next chapter will be a pure fluff-fest i promise.
> 
> Also i will fight anyone who says that under those (happy) circumstances Cullen would do anything but act like a silly fool upon finding out he is going to be a Daddy.


	28. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, it's the last chapter and i almost can't believe it.  
> What started out as a little 12 chapter idea has grown into something altogether more rounded and in depth than i originally imagined. I want to thank each and every one of you for reading and especially big hugs to everyone who has left kudos or commented, it has been such a wonderful support.
> 
> Thank you and i hope to write for you all again soon  
> xxx

**Thea POV**

 

‘Good gracious what has that brutish man done to you?’ I hear a familiar voice and turn to see my long missed friend.

‘Dorian, I’m just pregnant.’ I roll my eyes at his words while leaning in to give him a hug, I hadn’t seen him in nearly two years.

‘Yes but again? Is he using you as some kind of brood mare?’

I punch my friend playfully on the arm ‘Don’t be silly, little Lucy is over two now although you would know that if you ever came to visit.’

‘As much as I would love to my dear I’m afraid work in the Imperium keeps me busy and when I do manage to get south of the border I am usually somewhat tied up’ he arches his perfect brow and I chuckle at his implication ‘still getting along with Bull then?’

‘Quite well thank you, I’d ask the same to you but I can tell from your condition that it’s not necessary.’

‘My condition, honestly, I’m barely showing!’ he was definitely over exaggerating, I was only four months along and the A-line dress I was wearing, Fereldan in style was tight over my bust and then billowed out mostly covering the small swell of my midsection that was baby number two.

‘Mmhhmm that Commander of yours is trying to raise an army again mark my words. Where is the dashing man anyways?’

As Dorian asks the question I see a large grey hound sprint past us, bone in mouth and can’t help but laugh as Dorian splutters a curse whilst hopping out of its sprinting line. We follow its path of destruction, scaring the posturing nobles as it goes till at last the Mabari reaches its destination.

‘…You’re supposed to dodge not fetch!’

I hear my husband’s exasperated tone and head over to where he is continuing instruction, the bemused dog just woofing at his new friends attention.

‘I’m glad you two have finally met’ I say as I crouch down to scratch the big dog behind his ears.

‘Oh, do you know him? I have to say with the spots he reminded me an awful lot of that little book you made for me.’

I don’t answer but instead give him an expectant stare whilst continuing to fuss the Mabari. Cullen looks to me, back to the dog and back to me again ‘so, the dog… how?’

I just laugh while standing back up ‘I honestly thought you would be used to this by now.’

‘Woof’ I hear in agreement.

‘That’s good, does this mean I don’t need to ask your permission if we can keep him?'

I shake my head. ‘I think I’d be offended if you didn’t. Anyways’ I change topic ‘the Inquisitor and some of the other inner circle are going to an Orlesian Opera tonight. Do you want to go?’

‘I can’t think of anything worse’ he deadpans and I chuckle again.

‘In that case I’ll be waiting for you in our room when the council finally breaks.’ I bend over to give him a quick peck on the cheek and to scratch our new companion’s head one more time before Cullen stands himself and head off in the direction of the gate.

‘Come along, let’s get you dropped off with Jim before this farce begins. I’d best think of a name for you if you are coming home with us.’

 

‘Moonshine!’ I hear Varric call on my way over to the Tavern area.

‘Hey Varric, how’s Kirkwall?’ I ask while coming to sit on the bench next to him.

‘Getting better, listen my publishers keep asking when you will be doing your next children’s book, you know the one with the pictures on the edge of the pages?’

After being asked to hand draw several copies of my flip-book for just about every child I knew I had eventually approached Varric to see how much it would cost for a limited run with his publishers. Suffice to say that with a bit more story added to the pages I hadn’t needed to pay at all and ‘ _Who’s a Good Boy’_ was the bestselling children’s book of the past two years.

I was glad I was able to contribute to our small household in some way but even happier that I now had a reliable publisher for when I decided it would be time to publish my various thesis on Science, Technology and Medicine.

 

‘I’m working on it, what about your manuscript?’

‘ _The Inquisition_ is just awaiting it’s ending really but I’ve got another one I’m working on at the same time, a love story...’

‘oh?

‘Yeah! You know how it goes, two people who at first can’t stand each other are thrown together in a time of crisis, overcoming their problems and their aversion to each other in the process… sound familiar?’

I grin at his implication but then we trail off into idle conversation about the past events, about what we hoped for the future and just about everything in-between. While this conversation had been going on I had noticed Sera and Ellana ‘pranking’ for time to time. Ellana and Sera had grown closer since the defeat of Corypheus and I was almost certain that after this council the Inquisitor would take up the mantle of a Red Jenny. Not only so she could continue to upbraid nobles at every opportunity but the contacts may also help her quest for Solas, she had never and probably will never stop searching for him.

A somewhat flustered looking Josephine finally catches up to Ellana and I can tell from her wild gesturing that the Council was about to start.

‘Shall we?’

‘Yeah, you can sit with me if you like. Being a viscount means I get the fancy seats.’

 

 

* * *

 

 

‘You wouldn’t think the Inquisition had saved the world in living memory, never mind closing the final rift mere months ago with the way those nobles are talking.’ Cullen huffs while removing his dress jacket.

‘It’s to be expected, the Inquisition is powerful and not beholden to any country or even the Chantry.’ I say from my spot on our small balcony which overlooked the valley below Halamshiral.

‘I expected better from Fereldan you saved the King and Queens lives’ for Makers sake.’ He continues to gripe before coming to stand by me, watching with me as the sun starts to set.

 

I rub his forearm sympathetically while we take a moment to decompress from the bustle of the Council. After a few minutes silence Cullen begins with a sigh ‘I don’t know what’s going to happen after all this, you’ve given me some certainty in life and it’s more than I deserve. But…’

‘But?’

‘Do you have any inkling?’ he asks in a way which leaves no room for misinterpretation.

 

‘I think that the next few days will be very trying for the Inquisitor and we will need to be there for her. I also can’t ever see her bending the knee to the Chantry, even if Leliana is the new Divine so we should be prepared for an extended stay in South Reach.’

‘The Inquisition will end then. Well that’s more than fine by me, plus it will give Lucy the chance to get to know her extended family some more, assuming she hasn’t already driven them all mad with her tantrums whilst she is staying with them.’

He moves to stand behind me, holding me close and allowing his arms to wrap around me protectively.

‘You should know, after this council is over I have no more knowledge regarding future events.’

‘Hmm, how does that make you feel?’ He asks nuzzling into the back of my neck and I sink back into his embrace ‘A bit scared.’

I admit before continuing my outpouring of feelings ‘the certainty goes two ways and at least I know whatever happens we’ll be together. Plus it’s not like I was trying to use my knowledge to change the course of history but it will feel strange to just be ordinary.’

‘You ordinary?’ Cullen whispers into my ear and I shiver at the familiar tingles that shoot down my spine.

‘Yes’ I tilt my head back onto his shoulder giving him more access to continue nipping and kissing the edge of my jaw and side of my throat.

‘Not to me’

‘Cullen’ I sigh into the sensation, turning around to capture his lips in a warm loving kiss. We break for air and put our foreheads together, holding onto the moment.

‘To bed?’ I ask coyly, an answer given as I am swept up in strong arms.

 

 

 

**_Sometime in the future in the Anderfells_ **

 

The rudimentary light bulb flickers above the large desk whilst the report is read aloud.

‘And are we certain the Archdemon has been sighted?’

‘Affirmative First Warden, it has been sighted above the Frostbacks and the horde is spreading into Fereldan and Orlais simultaneously.’ The Grey Warden Captain relayed the grim message.

‘Then we are facing the first Blight in 250 years, Maker preserve our souls.’ The grizzled old veteran mumbles before standing and beginning the duties of command.

‘You there go and fetch me the treaties at once, I want them verified and sent to all the heads of state as a start. Additionally send birds to inform our recruiting Wardens to step up work. We may not have the rights to conscript anymore but there are always those willing to fight.’ A panicked lieutenant ran out of the room, the door to the office slamming closed behind him.

 

‘There is one other thing First Warden’ the Captain tentatively continued, dropping his voice an octave despite being alone in the office.

‘Its large parts of Fereldan Sir, the Blight simply isn’t spreading. The land isn’t being tainted and the Darkspawn are bypassing inhabited areas by miles.’

The First Warden looked quizzically at his second before gesturing for further information.

‘We sent some scouts to investigate, they looked into the local ancestry and it shows that of almost all of the common surnames most have been able to trace their ancestors back to the time of the Second Inquisition.

Although we don’t know the cause, whatever happened during that time has created individuals that are not only immune to the taint but Blighted creatures are actively averse to them. Our Historians estimate there could be thousands of people who possess this gift not to mention the Therin line themselves are mooted to have similar abilities as the Warden King and Queen of old never succumbed to the Calling.’

‘That is fascinating, but how does it help us?’

‘Sir, if we were able to recruit even a handful of volunteers with this gift we could all but walk up to the Archdemon.’

 

‘Then that is some good news. Ensure the Fereldan recruiters have all the resources they need, as for the other branches of Wardens send word that all standby squadrons are to gather at the base of operations at once.’

‘Which base would that be Sir?’

‘The one in the Frostbacks of course, Skyhold.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End
> 
>  
> 
> Dear all, my new story is up and running. It's a Cullen/Trevelyan AU and if that's your ship I'd love for you to check it out.
> 
> 'Though you fool your soul'  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/18358388


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